Boyfriend lied about doctors appointment

[allthetrees]

So I've needed to see a doctor all week, I have terrible phone anxiety which is why I've put off calling but I was going to do it yesterday.
I spoke to my boyfriend about it. (Just for comfort and reassurance more than anything) and he said he thinks it's a good idea and encouraged me.
Half hour later I say I'm popping out to make the phone call as I find it easier to speak on the phone outside, and he says that he's made the appointment for me and that it was at 10.15 today. I didn't even know he could make appointments for me but I trusted him and thanked him for helping me out.

Anyway, today I wake up around half 8 and anxious as ever (seeing a doctor about anxiety when you have anxiety is never fun) and he comes down and says We need to talk, I explain obviously it has to be quick as I need to get ready. He starts to panic and say how difficult this is for him. I'm so confused at this point but kinda get the message that the only thing he could want to talk about is the doctors. I say 'whatever it is, if it's about the doctors I need to go soon so just let me know' and he flips. He says that I never let him speak, he starts getting frustrated and saying 'this is so stupid' over and over under his breath. He gets mad and storms upstairs, and we're now having a petty text conversation because he refuses to speak to me face to face. He's 26 ffs.

He text me saying my appointment is tomorrow not today, and that he just made the mistake because he was tired, but in my head that's a pretty difficult mistake to make? Surely 'tomorrow' and 'in two days time' are very different things?
I don't even know why hed say this, my absolute gut feeling is that he's lying, the only way I can check is to ring the doctors but that's so embarrassing. And now I'm nervous I'm going to get turned away at the doctors tomorrow because the appointment isn't even a thing.

The only other time he did this was when he lied about taking our baby daughters sign up forms to the doctors while I was unwell. Despite the fact that he told me she was signed up, when I tried to make her an appointment, they told me that she wasn't signed up there. Turns out there was a mistake on the sign up form that we needed to correct. I don't know why he didn't tell me, there's absolutely no reason why I could think he'd want to hide these things from me...

"Be strong & avoid enabling them

Dealing with a loved one struggling with anxiety will floor your heart with love and sympathy. Therefore, many people’s first instinct is to shield their loved ones from the causes of their fear and anxiety. Love may inspire this, but it is equally enabling. It only makes the condition worse. It also makes their world smaller as they run out of places to hide.

Be strong and avoid giving in to the urge to protect a loved one from their stressors. Please don't change the environment to accommodate their preferences. Besides, this is counter-productive, as the condition will only worsen, and their needs will become more prominent and stricter."
www.mentalhealthtoday.co.uk/blog/mh-first-aid/how-can-you-help-someone-struggling-with-anxiety-expert-tips

"don't enable it either "
www.byrdie.com/how-to-help-someone-with-anxiety

It's great that you are seeking help.

The incidents with the form and the appointment seem to be examples of mistakes, not lies.

The poor man must be walking on eggshells around you!

He hasnt lied he got his days mixed up........I think you need to have a think about how living with your anxiety and issues will impact on his mental health.

Because it will have a huge impact. I know all too well the stress of tying myself in knots if I didn't do something right and the fear of triggering that person and their all consuming anxiety which controlled everything.

I seriously hope you do everything you can to get on top of this before it starts affecting your child. And that isn't just by going to the doctors and expecting anything of anyone. It's by taking responsibility for your actions and the impact it has on those around you.

Much lack of empathy here by some posters. I have experience of someone in the family who can't make phone calls. Literally wouldn't call the doctor even if they really needed to see one. People really need to understand that what may seem easy for some are overwhelmingly difficult for others.

Anyway. I agree with some others about writing down what you need to say. I have called to check an appointment time before our doctors text reminders.

'Hi, I am and I would just like to check whether I have an appointment booked for tomorrow?'

They will probably ask for your date of birth and then tell you.
They get all sorts of calls so don't worry about being embarrassed. In fact of the calls they get yours will be a nice easy one to sort out!

Do it now and then you know what is going on.

It sounds like he is scared to make mistakes

At the moment he hasn't lied. He's made a mistake about the day of the appointment.
It also sounds like he didn't lie about the baby's sign up just that there was a mistake on the form.

It's very difficult to make a call when you have such a level of anxiety, I sometimes make calls for my adult daughter when she is too anxious to do so herself. Of course I'll do it for her, it's not enabling it's helping them at a time when they need it to get to a better place so she is able to make the next phone call herself.

But at the same time you need to check the date of your appointment. There seems to be a trust issue with your partner for whatever reason and atm you don't trust that the appointment is tomorrow. So write down what you're going to say and make the call then you can see the doctor about your anxiety and after that you will feel more able to address any other issues.

I totally get the anxiety, I have had it really bad at times, can't queue in shops or phone people but not so bad now. However, I now understand how irrational I became and with that came anger/aggression in my tone when speaking to my partner. We were both pretty stubborn so it would put his back up and then the conversation would just spiral from there.
I think because we are wrapped up in our own emotions we forget how mentally draining it can be to live with someone with a form of mental illness / anxieties and I've come to see how difficult it was for him to accommodate by moods every single Time!
I got help like your trying to do and things got a lot better between us and we have a lovely family unit now.

Anyone helping a relative or friend to cope with severe anxiety is well advised to look into enabling and the effects it can have, as it is easy to be well-meaning but unfortunately make things a good bit worse for the sufferer in the long run. www.bridgestorecovery.com/blog/stepping-up-by-stepping-back-how-loved-ones-can-stop-enabling-social-anxiety-disorder/

It's really hard to tell because honestly my instinct is that it comes across that you jump to sinister lying when he made a mistake. If that happened over the babies forms then I can understand the stress this time.

Having said that registering your baby is essential and he should have just been clear about that. I regularly get the day wrong and it would be absolutely something I may do accidentally. There would be no lying but if I thought I was going to be instantly accused of lying be ause you can't fathom how an accident can happen would really make me stressed telling you.

Having said all of that it is possible he is being a giant arse and playing head games. Honestly though , it may be wording , it sounds like your anxiety may manifest in seeing lying and sinister motives in people around you'd accidental mishaps.

@AttilaTheMeerkat

It is not man hating to point out that he lied about this in order for him to get out of trouble. His behaviour towards the OP now that he has been caught out on another lie is appalling. Again not man hating to point that out. Relationships as well are supposed to enhance your life, not make you feel worse.

Did you read the OP? He didn't lie about the baby forms, he made a mistake. Until OP checks she (and we) have no way of knowing if he lied (which she hasn't actually shown an example of) or made a mistake.

Your boyfriend has issues too by the sounds of things.
He took control without asking you and rang the GP.
Without your knowledge or permission. That is controlling behaviour.
Who is he, your Dad??
He could have said 'would you like me to ring them for you'? Control can be done in a really really nice helpful way.
OR - he lied about phoning them.
Hence he is having to ring them today to try and book the appointment at the time he lied about it being on.
If he phoned them why would he not come and tell you after he hung up the phone?
Now he's huffing and refusing to talk you and staging a protest worthy of any 3yr old.
Write out what you want to say. I do this all the time it's great for remember the few points of what you want to say when you are actually in the presence of someone. Because it's the being in the presence of someone that can cause the thinking side of our brain to disconnect.

You seem to leap to conclusions about his motives behind things a lot- it’s perfectly possible to make mistakes without it being some sort of plot to undermine or hurt you. Honestly if someone I lived with constantly jumped to the conclusion that I was being deliberately dishonest then I think I’d get flustered and forget days, not want to engage etc too. He made a mistake- he is human! And the doctors registration is something of a red herring- how was he supposed to know he had made a mistake on the form until someone told him? He didn’t do it on purpose either. I think you probably both need to grow up a little bit but I think you also need to stop only seeing the worst in him!

This worries me

Despite the fact that he told me she was signed up, when I tried to make her an appointment, they told me that she wasn't signed up there. Turns out there was a mistake on the sign up form that we needed to correct. I don't know why he didn't tell me, there's absolutely no reason why I could think he'd want to hide these things from me...

OP, it's quite a stretch to think he lied to you about this. Is there a reason why you thought he was lying?

It sounds like he was too afraid to tell you outright that he had got the wrong day. Why would he be like that. That and his comment about you never letting him speak says a lot tbh plus your overreaction to this straight forward mix up and now you're online accusing him of lying. No, you DON'T know that, you haven't actually checked so more likely that he got the days mixed up.

@PurpleWh1teGreen

This worries me

Despite the fact that he told me she was signed up, when I tried to make her an appointment, they told me that she wasn't signed up there. Turns out there was a mistake on the sign up form that we needed to correct. I don't know why he didn't tell me, there's absolutely no reason why I could think he'd want to hide these things from me...

OP, it's quite a stretch to think he lied to you about this. Is there a reason why you thought he was lying?

Yeah, sounds more like there was an error on the form and the surgery never chased it. Again, jumping to him lying...

Despite the fact that he told me she was signed up, when I tried to make her an appointment, they told me that she wasn't signed up there. Turns out there was a mistake on the sign up form that we needed to correct. I don't know why he didn't tell me, there's absolutely no reason why I could think he'd want to hide these things from me...

Who's phone number was on the forms? Is it possible that you didn't answer because the surgery came up as unknown number?

This reminds me of the advantages of being older!

Not one thing in this scenario would or could ever happen to me.

Did he say how he realised he'd got the wrong day OP? His reaction is incredibly odd. It does sound like guilt and trying to shift blame to you.

He got mixed up, hardly the crime of the century. I feel a bit sorry for him.

atm in lockdown I get days wrong all the time it's like bloody Groundhog Day
Ironically, it literally is Groundhog Day!

Despite the fact that he told me she was signed up, when I tried to make her an appointment, they told me that she wasn't signed up there. Turns out there was a mistake on the sign up form that we needed to correct. I don't know why he didn't tell me, there's absolutely no reason why I could think he'd want to hide these things from me..

Agree with others. Why have you jumped to "he is lying"? If you do this a lot, that probably explains why he is so wary around you. I imagine it's far more likely that he assumed DD was signed up and the surgery filed the form and never bothered to contact anyone.

This is very strange and you’re making a massive leap at this point.

Phone the GP without him knowing and just ask to confirm your appointment time.
Or if that’s too daunting turn up and see.

Re. The forms.... it would not be impossible for the surgery to have made a mistake/not told him of the error