Boyfriend lied about doctors appointment

[allthetrees]

So I've needed to see a doctor all week, I have terrible phone anxiety which is why I've put off calling but I was going to do it yesterday.
I spoke to my boyfriend about it. (Just for comfort and reassurance more than anything) and he said he thinks it's a good idea and encouraged me.
Half hour later I say I'm popping out to make the phone call as I find it easier to speak on the phone outside, and he says that he's made the appointment for me and that it was at 10.15 today. I didn't even know he could make appointments for me but I trusted him and thanked him for helping me out.

Anyway, today I wake up around half 8 and anxious as ever (seeing a doctor about anxiety when you have anxiety is never fun) and he comes down and says We need to talk, I explain obviously it has to be quick as I need to get ready. He starts to panic and say how difficult this is for him. I'm so confused at this point but kinda get the message that the only thing he could want to talk about is the doctors. I say 'whatever it is, if it's about the doctors I need to go soon so just let me know' and he flips. He says that I never let him speak, he starts getting frustrated and saying 'this is so stupid' over and over under his breath. He gets mad and storms upstairs, and we're now having a petty text conversation because he refuses to speak to me face to face. He's 26 ffs.

He text me saying my appointment is tomorrow not today, and that he just made the mistake because he was tired, but in my head that's a pretty difficult mistake to make? Surely 'tomorrow' and 'in two days time' are very different things?
I don't even know why hed say this, my absolute gut feeling is that he's lying, the only way I can check is to ring the doctors but that's so embarrassing. And now I'm nervous I'm going to get turned away at the doctors tomorrow because the appointment isn't even a thing.

The only other time he did this was when he lied about taking our baby daughters sign up forms to the doctors while I was unwell. Despite the fact that he told me she was signed up, when I tried to make her an appointment, they told me that she wasn't signed up there. Turns out there was a mistake on the sign up form that we needed to correct. I don't know why he didn't tell me, there's absolutely no reason why I could think he'd want to hide these things from me...

OP - you’ve twice said your BF has lied when in fact he’s made a mistake. That’s very different from lying. If you’re accusing him of lying when he’s tried to help you but made a mistake, it’s really not going to help.

As PP have said, it sounds like you’re both under a lot of pressure and not handling it well. Tiredness is probably playing a part in this. But you’ve brought a baby into the mix so you both need to work out how you’re going to deal better with these kinds of upsets. As a PP said - you will need to overcome your phone phobia for your LO’s sake. And for yours and your BF’s.

And honestly, OP - you went through labour and childbirth. You can certainly deal with making a phone call! Just plan what you’re going to ask and ask it. Believe us, the receptionist will not care a jot if you ring to check the time of the appointment.

@AttilaTheMeerkat

It is not man hating to point out that he lied about this in order for him to get out of trouble. His behaviour towards the OP now that he has been caught out on another lie is appalling. Again not man hating to point that out. Relationships as well are supposed to enhance your life, not make you feel worse.

No one knows if he has actually lied or not and yet you have labelled him an abusive liar.

And I did not tell her to immediately leave him either. The words leave him are not at all mentioned, you basically took from my post what you wanted to read.

"This relationship should be over" "why are you with him" both clearly indicate you think she should leave.

A bit weird for him to make an appointment for her, though, especially without asking her if he should beforehand - that isn't supportive, it is enabling OP to avoid using the phone and thus encouraging her anxiety. But at 26 he might not be aware of that.

What do you think his motive was for lying about the appointment, if it wasn't a mistake?

"Anyway, today I wake up around half 8 and anxious as ever (seeing a doctor about anxiety when you have anxiety is never fun) and he comes down and says We need to talk, I explain obviously it has to be quick as I need to get ready. He starts to panic and say how difficult this is for him. I'm so confused at this point but kinda get the message that the only thing he could want to talk about is the doctors. I say 'whatever it is, if it's about the doctors I need to go soon so just let me know' and he flips. He says that I never let him speak, he starts getting frustrated and saying 'this is so stupid' over and over under his breath. He gets mad and storms upstairs, and we're now having a petty text conversation because he refuses to speak to me face to face"

He manufactured that argument today out of nothing, that to me is a red flag. Why couldn't he have just said, "I made a mistake and your appointment is not today". Why was it exactly so difficult for him?. OP lets him speak, its him who thinks OP never lets him speak. He is projecting his own self onto her.

To ask why the OP is with him is a fair question. One thing is certain though; they cannot go on like this.

@KevinTheBird

You won’t use a phone, he pretends to use a phone and you can’t even discuss it and end up texting each other while you’re in the same house. Yet you’re old enough to have a child together

I mean...I never said I won't use a phone. It's difficult for me, but I'm literally making a doctors appointment to try and get help for it. Not sure how that's immature🤔 it's not me that refused to speak to him face to face, and it's not me that is acting like they're hiding something

@babbaloushka

What do you think his motive was for lying about the appointment, if it wasn't a mistake?

To relieve me of the anxiety of making the call. It's the excuse he used last time

@Pechanga

He didn't lie, he got the day wrong (atm in lockdown I get days wrong all the time it's like bloody Groundhog Day!) He was being supportive making the appointment in the first place.

You have completely overreacted and texting each other instead of talking is also very weird. You both sound very immature. You really both need to stop being so silly this is a non-issue.

Just phone the doctors surgery and say: 'good morning, an appointment has made for me and I just want to confirm I have the correct time & day please, it's allthetrees and the appointment is for 10.15 tomorrow' ?

Also ignore the first poster calling him an abusive liar and telling you to leave him immediately! Lol! That is some posters' response to every single relationship problem no matter how big or small and is quite amusing but also a little sad.

'Leave him!!' Is some people's response to everything lol. I agree texting was immature, he just refused to speak to me face to face.

Thank you for the example on what to say down the phone! I'll use that today, that's the exact kind of thing I get anxious about. I worry I'll say the wrong thing and end up freezing up.
Thank you :)

@Pillowcase123

Are you getting any help for your phone anxiety? It must be really difficult to manage life without being able to speak on the phone, even more so with a baby!

Good luck

That's what this appointment is for, ironically

OP, did he make an appointment or not? Have you checked?

You'll be fine speaking to the gp surgery. Just think of as confidence practice.

allthetrees if he’s in the same house as you and texting you and, instead of just walking into the same room as him to reply using your mouth, you start having an argument via text then you clearly are refusing to speak to him.

I don’t understand why you get to accuse him of lying when he was indulging you by making an appointment for you, even if he did make a small mistake.

I’m sorry it sounds harsh but you’re being completely ridiculous.

I thought all GP appointments were now done online on AskMyGP?

You sound very very critical of him - he didn’t lie to you either time.

Try not to translate your anxiety into something it’s not, it will damage your relationship.

I’d recommend he does not try to help with things that are anxiety triggers as he gets himself into trouble!

Maybe apologise to him for your overreaction and tell him best if he doesn’t help (interfere?) as it’s too touchy a subject for you.

Perhaps don’t set yourself out as needing help / struggling with things if he’s a bit of a ‘rescuer’

Sorry if I’ve missed the point.

So he made a mistake could see you were anxious and didn’t want to upset you more.

And you mention texting because he won’t talk to you but he’s 26.
But you won’t phone the doctors yourself maybe he has the same anxiety about speaking to you.
Do arguments escalate often?

I think this is alL very trivial, thank him for booking your appointment it means a lot since you struggle to do it yourself.
The reception could have said appointment Thursday and he thought it he was on Wednesday. It’s an easy mistake to make.
Thank him for realising and saving a wasted journey.

I'm glad you're going to get help for your phone anxiety, I hope once you get this appointment issue resolved you get some useful help from your GP. I have had the same problem for many years and CBT, mindfulness and facing it directly have helped me a lot. I used to get my DH to make calls for me and these confused details and misunderstandings happened a lot. If you can, perhaps once your anxiety is more under control, try and see each phone call as practice, a step towards getting over this fear, rather than something to avoid. I'm a long way down the path and when I have to make a phone call I make it immediately to avoid the anxiety building up and I write everything down even my own name, address and phone number as anxiety can mean I go totally blank on these. Remember to whoever you are calling it's a totally normal mundane phone call.

I might be reading this wrong but it sounds like he made the appointment for you then accidentally told you the wrong day. He knew this would cause you huge anxiety when you found out so he got very frustrated and snappy with you. I don’t understand why you think he would lie? What would he gain from that? Is there some backstory here? (Also him enabling you by making your appointments is not helpful in the long run)

It sounds to me, and I honestly say this without judgement, that your anxiety might make you quite difficult to live with. Difficult for both you and you partner. I think your anxiety might be getting him panicked, he's trying but he's making mistakes and then you don't let him speak / accuse him of lying etc.

I am glad that you are getting help for your anxiety from the GP, hopefully they will help you deal with it and recognise when your anxiety is unreasonable. Good luck OP.

It seems like he was trying to be helpful and messed it up a bit. Hope you get the help you need

I think he tried to do a nice thing, made a mistake and then didn't know how to tell you about it due to your anxiety.

This would be an entire non-event for most couples. I'm glad you are seeking help.

@ravenmum

A bit weird for him to make an appointment for her, though, especially without asking her if he should beforehand - that isn't supportive, it is enabling OP to avoid using the phone and thus encouraging her anxiety. But at 26 he might not be aware of that.

I disagree - i think that is being very supportive and not weird in the slightest.

She has anxiety and is struggling to do these things for herself - that is the whole point of her going to see her Doctor. She has ANXIETY!!!

Anxiety can cloud your judgment. Being asked about it beforehand may well have made her worse.

@Unanananana sorry but unless you've lived with crippling anxiety please don't just come on here and spout shit about how easy it is to make a phone call.

Do you not get a text to confirm the appointment?

Very easy to mix up dates - I think your anxiety about the doctor is making this larger and you are sort of feeding each other up.

The mistake on the form is another one that he probably either didn’t know or forgot to tell you fix and in the fuss of a new baby a lot of things happen.

My dad is a loving father & my parents are still happily married and he registered my name wrong and didn’t tell mum for a few weeks. I only found out when I had to use my birth certificate to get married - (it was amended).

You’re in each other’s space a lot and you are stressed. You need to draw a line under it - mention his reaction wasn’t great - and perhaps be wary of how your emotions spread mainly for your child when they are old enough to pick up on how stressed you are about things.

She has anxiety and is struggling to do these things for herself - that is the whole point of her going to see her Doctor. She has ANXIETY!!!
I suffered a lot from anxiety as a young woman, and having someone else do the things I was anxious about was never good for me. It made me more anxious in the long run. Seriously, enabling an anxious person is not a good idea at all.