Thanks for the meal

[John4433]

How often does your partner thank you at the end of a meal or snack that you have prepared?

a) after every meal
b) sometimes
c) rarely
d) never

How does this affect your relationship?

Mine does sweet FA round the house (except for DIY and cooking maybe twice a month) but he always says thanks for dinner and compliments my cooking etc so that softens the blow a bit, at least I know he’s grateful even though I think I’d rather less culinary compliments and maybe he run the hoover round once in a while

Why the smily face? Do you enjoy being treated like a servant?

Almost always. I am vegetarian and he is not. I only cook vegetarian food, so I have to be sure it is really good. I think he is almost surprised how good it is as he almost always says lovely things about what I have provided. He even likes sweet potatoes and lentils now.

100% of the time. Whether I bring him a glass of water or serve up a 3 course meal he always thanks me and compliments the food. Even when I used salt instead of sugar on top of an apple turnover...

Always. And I do when he cooks. Same with lots of other bits and pieces around the house really.
I love that he does that, I’d do it all either way and so would he but it’s nice to feel appreciated.

Most of the time … I hadn't really thought about it before but we both thank each other quite a lot.

Often he comments that it's nice, he also regularly tells me he's lucky to be eating so well

It never bothered me. It was my duty to make a good meal when he got home. I never thanked him for going to work either though

If I run an errand for my bf, or make him something then sometimes he says thanks. Sometimes not. Its the same for me...I would not want to be in a relationship where there were no manners, but I would equally not like to be in a relationship where we felt that we needed to say please and thankyou each and every time either. There are other ways to detect if someone values and respects your input into their life, and if you are comfortable with each other.

He always thanks me and I always thank him when he cooks or gets me a drink

It’s just basic manners

@HappygoesLucy

100% of the time. Whether I bring him a glass of water or serve up a 3 course meal he always thanks me and compliments the food. Even when I used salt instead of sugar on top of an apple turnover...

Mine's like this too, only in my case it was the worst tasting "simple" sweet and sour chicken - he still said thank you.

Likewise, when his dinner failed and we ended up with burgers, we still said thank you

IMO it's important to show appreciation

Someone I know has a 'D'H who never says thanks. He just grunts and takes and eats and generally acts like an oversized parasite
I'm not keen on him

Everytime.

We both thank eachother for pretty much everything we do, however small. I really think if the small ways you show consideration and appreciation for your partner (thanking eachother, saying I love you, affection on meeting and leaving eachother, compliments, looking up from your phone etc when they speak, "do you want anything from the shop?", "I'll do that." "No it's fine" etc) that distinguish your interactions with them from your interactions with any old person slide or were never present then you relationship is pretty much doomed without improvement. Gottman is very good on this and the importance of many times more positive interactions than negative in successful relationships, as well as almost always turning to the other when they make any kind of bid for attention. He can observe a couple and predict the likelihood that they will divorce with a huge degree of accuracy, it's very interesting. If a guest came over and didn't thank you for a meal you made you'd think they were terribly rude, yet people will tolerate the same behaviour from their partner; the person who is meant to love them more than anyone! I don't get it, so many people seem to treat their partner worse than a dog and the partner just eats it or responds in kind. It's so sad.

I'm not sure, thinking about it. I do most of the cooking though he does sometimes cook and he will usually do the dishes, so it's not one person doing everything. He will tell me he enjoyed it and can tell he appreciates it and vice versa but don't always feel the need to say thanks for making it. If we hand something to each other we'll say thanks.

Every time. And I thank him for every cup of tea.

My dh will say thank you if he actually has something I've made, but this is only a few times a month say if I've made a sunday dinner or there is pasta left in the pan. For years now he has kind of looked after his own meals. When he was at work, he'd either have something out, or would bring in a ready meal or pizza for himself. After a while I gave up making tea for two as it was just going to waste, so now I just make mine and he makes his. (Fussy kids mean they get something else, but that's another story...) We had a serious conversation a while ago (lots of problems, another long story) and he asked why I never made a meal for two anymore, so I pointed out exactly what I've just written. I should have said to him "when have you ever cooked for us??" But as usual I was slow to think on my feet and missed the chance. The answer is never. Anyway.....
I'd love to cook for two, and would love to have someone cook for me one day, have a normal relationship, sex, laughs, all of that......

My partner says thank you every time, whether it's dinner, his sandwiches for work or even just a cup of tea, he always has done. Likewise when he does it I'll say thank you, it's just polite and normal isn't it?

@Wakingup55643 What are you waiting for? Why are you wasting your life in an unhappy relationship? Either see if he wants to try and fix things or get out while you can.

@hamsterchump I do want to get out. I've written a reply in Lockdown Marriage Problems if you want to read it there... x

A. Every time. Kids too. I'm not a great cook so I think they do it to encourage me! We don't thank each other for the regular other tasks though.

I’m shocked at the number of people that don’t expect to be thanked

Do you really mean that your partner would sit at the table, be served dinner and he wouldn’t even mutter thanks? That seems to beyond unthinking and down right rude.

PegasusReturns I'm shocked too, not least because most people are conditioned to say thanks whenever they're given something aren't they? Especially in Britain, most people say thanks many times in a simple shop transaction for example. I'd have to think about it and actively stop myself thanking someone who served me a meal etc if I wanted to so I can only imagine doing so if I was seething angry or hated them or something.

Every time.

Every time. Or if he's cooked I thank him. Might not be a big effusive thing but we always say 'thank you this looks nice' or whatever.

We thank each other a lot and I quite like that. For the big and small things.

@hamsterchump exactly. And if my DC don’t say thank you they are pulled up on it immediately.

In fact I think we say thank you three times:

At the beginning of the meal when handed a plate. Just “thanks” or “thanks looks great”.

In the middle of the meal “this is lovely thank you” or the “chicken is really tasty”.

At the end of dinner “thanks for dinner”.

I don’t feel like we’re a particularly effusive family but I had no idea this wasn’t absolutely standard.

A.

Every single time.

Cooking can be a pain in the ass.
I certainly do not think it is too much to expect to be thanked for the effort, however simple the meal.

Basic manners.