My ex left 2 years ago. We’d been married for 26 years. In the months leading up to his sudden announcement that the marriage was over, I had a very strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. It wasn’t enough of a feeling for me to even consciously acknowledge. I kept sweeping it aside and putting it down to my imagination.
I noticed him snatch the phone down very quickly when I entered a room a few times.
I once noticed him reading a message and smiling (he couldn’t see me watching).
He was distant.
He said hurtful, unkind things to me about my appearance.
He would leave the house for hours on walks.
When we went out, he would always have to join us later. Or if we were going away, the next day.
It was a very odd feeling, a bit like sand slowly shifting under me. I couldn’t put my finger on it as it was so subtle that I just brushed it all aside.
I feel stupid now because these are all the classic signs. But I never had any reason to think that he would be capable of cheating. I now know that the feeling I had was a gut feeling. I just didn’t acknowledge it because I would never have believed he’d cheat, he was loving and loyal to me and our 3 children.
I suspected that there must be someone else very soon after he’d told me that he was leaving. He denied it, hid it well for a while. Admitted to OW a few months after moving out. 17 years younger than me. I’ll never know how long or to what extent they were involved before he told me he was leaving.
In hindsight, the signs were all there and I’m still struggling with it all. He is very happy and living his best life.
I’m sorry for anyone who has had to go through this.