Boyfriend has little patience

[sseabbreeze]

Been with my boyfriend 2 years but since first lockdown he's pretty much moved in
Not officially but he's here all the time since last lockdown was announced as didn't want to go between houses

I have a strange feeling I can't get rid of
Some of the things he does is really getting to me
I don't think he's changed I think it's always been there but as he's here all the time I've really noticed it

He has no patience and I have a lo and a couple Of times he's said things to him and I've had to pull him up on it

Like huffing and puffing at him or me if we've done something wrong like stepped on a phone charger wire that we didn't see

I feel like everything is good apart from when he is tired he gets very snappy it's making me feel like I'm walking on eggshells

It may sound petty but rolling eyes hugging and puffing is almost draining me now I've noticed he does it so much

He has bad road rage and every time it's the other drivers in the wrong

He seems to tell me about an argument he's had with someone at least every day
He works in construction and says ' this fucking idiot at work today spoke to me like a piece of shit' but in thinking i don't think he's being very nice ?!

My son tripped over something in the hallway and hurt his foot so I said ohh are you ok? Boyfriend says ' how can you not see that ' just stuff like that like negative stuff
Some school stuff saying ' you should know this by now ' etc

When he is in the wrong he can't seem to apologise! It's so frustrating

I've just started to notice it and I don't know what to do

I wouldnt have him living with my child, he sounds aggressive and unkind.

You get to know the real person when you live with them, he’s showing his true colours, I’d see it as a red flag tbh, if this is what he’s always like to live with and you’re not happy can you ask him to move back to his place & give you some space to think if this relationship is really working?

You can’t have him or this dynamic around your child.

Tell him to go back to his own house. Someone who creates an atmosphere like this will only get worse. Honestly, walking on egg shells is a massive shiny red flag. You’re not comfortable with him. Split up.

That's exactly what I'm thinking is that I ask him to go back to his mums

But didn't know if I was being unreasonable?

Like the things I've listed aren't awful - he's not violent, just this no patience for anything and almost like he's being short, snappy, and it's not all the time it's just the times he is it's really not nice

Yes seeing true colours I guess x

'He's not violent' is much too low a bar, OP, can't you see that?

Kick him out. Raise your standards. Protect your son.

It alarms me that you think ‘he’s not violent’ is a boon. And that you're subjecting your child to this. Honestly, OP, wake up. You and your son are worth more than this.

Does he pay you housekeeping for rent and food op?

Sounds scarily like my ex. It only gets worse over time as the true colours are revealed 😔

Yes I didn't mean that I just meant that there's been no violence but yes I know

I totally agree it's just a horrible feeling I've had but I should know to trust my gut

Guess I've been told I'm over protective from loa dad before and you kind of are always on edge when you've come from a break up

Lockdown and his job worries And everything else I just put it down to that but I wanted to make sure I wasn't over reacting ! As I know I'd get the truth here as friends in rl hard to talk to x

He sounds exactly like my husband, I’ve never known someone make such an absolute fuss over minor little inconveniences. If he trips over something it’s a massive deal, he’s got such a big gob it makes me jump out my skin. He’s got an issue If I open windows, I can’t stand feeling over heated and in the morning I always open the windows wide whilst I’m changing/making the beds to let some air in then I close them, but if he comes upstairs and notices them
Open he slams them shut, if I hear him coming up the stairs I quickly run over and shut them - i know how pathetic that sounds I really do but I do it subsconciously I think. He has terrible road rage too, all the time. It’s awful. He started a big argument with one man once, but this man was in the right, I just stayed quiet and then afterwards he had a go at me for not supporting him, i told him it’s quite hard to support someone who is in the wrong and acts like a complete dick head. I’m not remotely scared of him because deep down I feel he’s a bully but he can’t bully me. I don’t cower and I often wipe the floor with him verbally and he doesn’t say anything back, but I don’t particularly like confrontation it drains me, so I find myself running round the house picking things up so he doesn’t tread on them or trip up etc cos I just can’t face his big gob. One thing I would say it’s get his health checked out, my husband has got raging type 2 diabetes that’s out of control cos he won’t do anything to control his blood sugars , a few years ago he did try and got his blood sugars right down and he was like a normal person , but as much as I’ve tried he has gone back to eating crap etc. If I was you I would give him an ultimatum, tell him about the treading on eggshells feeling , suggest he goes the GP and gets blood test but other wise I would say pls get out now before it’s too late. I am trapped because he owns half the house. I love my beautiful home and don’t want to leave here I worked so hard for it, I have started a five year plan to save money to be able to buy him out until then I just try my best to ignore it, thank god he’s not working from home during lockdown, the minute I see his car drive out the road I get an overwhelming sense of calm and relief x

Um he sounds horrible.

No I'm merely stating a fact he hasn't been physical

I totally get it

Yes he pays his way, but I can cope financially as I'm fortunate to have a good income
He's actually generous in that dept

I coped before him I will again x

People are either drains, or radiators. Hes a drain of the highest order it seems!

t's making me feel like I'm walking on eggshells

And your child as well. Your partner is horrible, and it's only going to get worse. Your poor child. Toss this arsehole out the door.

Well thank goodness he's only a boyfriend- not a husband.
Soon to be ex boyfriend?

Youre definitely not overreacting. He sounds toxic

He has no patience and I have a lo

This is all you need, op. Bin him. And so it immediately. Before your child think this is normal and acceptable way to be treated. You cannot possibly want that for your child.

And dont believe him when he says he will change / has changed / wants to change. He would have done it already if any of that was true.

You're not being unreasonable. He's got anger issues - at home, at work, in public.
These are some red flags - and you're early on enough in the relationship/him living with you for him to still be on relatively "best" behaviour. Do you want to wait until he snaps?
Get out while you still can!

It’s a red flag you don’t think you can talk to your friends about this.

It’s good these replies are validating your feelings and observations. Please end it and reclaim your home and yours and your child’s home and safe space.

I think I know exactly what you mean? He makes a big deal over the smallest thing? Everything is an inconvenience? Everyone else is stupid? Quick to judge others? Always sees the negative? Gets stressed at things that wouldn't bother most people? Makes it sound like he's the hero in his workplace without whom they would all crumble? Find it more natural to discourage more than encourage?

Living with him will make you both miserable and your home environment will be filled with tense, bad energy. He sounds neurotic and disagreeable and is also not good with managing stress. Being patient, kind and able to manage stress is one of the key things you need as a parent and in anyone around children.

I think I know exactly what you mean.*

Thanks everyone I feel so much more clear!!

@AnneLovesGilbert i just mean i feel my friends havent really been there for me, wrapped up in their own lives, ive tried reaching out and its just hard so feeling like ive not many people to talk to do here as been great

X

@EarthSight YES!!! like every single one you listed unfortunately

X

A good tempered partner in life is one of the best things you can ever have and a bad tempered unkind one is just about the worst.