Being called a Good Girl?

[Lullaby88]

Would you be offended if you were a 33 year old woman and someone who was an aunty called you a good girl for doing something? It kind of annoys me but dont know if im being too sensitive?

Patronising

depends how old they are. my nana used to say it to me and meant it in a sweet way

I'd be ok with it.

But if it bothers you let her know.

Context is everything. That wouldn't bother me. My boss saying it would

It’s used as a massive compliment in New Zealand. Confused the shit out of me to start off with!!

Older relatives (or honorary relatives) are the only people I’ll take it from. Anyone else calling me a girl, good or otherwise, gets short shrift.

I make a woofing noise and point out that I'm not a dog.

Depends on the context.

The only person who ever said that to me once I was an adult was a bloke in a pub. He was a colleague’s boyfriend and even she glared at him.

Ok to be exact, it was MIL and my daughter had lost her toy I found it and she ran to tell my MIL mummy had found it. And my MIL said thanks Mummy Good girl Mummy good girl Mummy 3 times. I was fuming and feel like ringing her and telling her off. But now im thinking am I being a bit crazy maybe she didnt mean it badly?

That wouldn't bother ne then its for the effect of your daughter

Well, it sounds like she was talking to a young child and using what she considered the most effective way to communicate an idea to that child.

In which case, I think you're massively overreacting. Do you not like her?

I wouldn't care.

I think Iv had numerous bad experiences with her, sometimes I have been overly sensitive and reacted badly to her. Sometimes she has been quite undermining. And now that ideology just sticks.. an example is when i gave birth for the first time and the baby was settled with me, she followed with 'how impressed' she was that I was able to soothe my child. Ever since then I never really liked her no matter what she does or says. I am nice but keep it short. I actually think she is patronising so I might have over reacted for that reason. I do have to check as I can be overly sensitive. Which on this occasion i may have been.

Don't die on this hill, op. You will sound like a massive prick and if my partner took offence to an innocent statement like this and then rang my mother to row and complain at her about it I'd probably have a hard time fighting the urge to drop kick him into absolute oblivion and then shag all his friends.

Hahaha atleast that made me laugh!

That's slightly weird.

Maybe just mention to her that you'd prefer something like "oh well done mummy!" - because being capable or lucky is not a moral issue, nor is putting in the effort to succeed.

I wouldn't mind from an older woman, but not from a man of any age. Sounds like you habe history with her though!

I dont think thats weird, I feel like she was trying to communicate to your daughter rather than to you. I'd let this one die and not mention it personally, I dont think it's worth falling out over. Maybe if it was repeat offence with patronising comments I may something eventually but would take me a while, but I think with older generation and relatives I'm a little more lax

That particular comment is probably not intended badly but clearly there is some overall issue of resentment or irritation.
Families are tricky because people's roles change when marriage happens or kids come along, and it can be very difficult to sort out where the communication is not good.
Do you feel like you could discuss your feelings with her and listen to and accept how she feels about things? Maybe it's a with good intentions but if you don't chat you won't know. You can always chat with your partner involved if they are reasonably clued up.

In that context it's actually rather normal.

In both your examples your MIL's comments seem fine though?

Unless there's a huge backstory saying you're impressed by a new mum's skills is just being supportive, surely? And calling you a 'good girl' to your daughter just sounds like she's using language she thinks your child will understand.

@Milkshake7489

In both your examples your MIL's comments seem fine though?

Unless there's a huge backstory saying you're impressed by a new mum's skills is just being supportive, surely? And calling you a 'good girl' to your daughter just sounds like she's using language she thinks your child will understand.

Agree with this - both of those examples sound like she’s trying to be nice to you and for whatever reason it’s made you angry with her!

FFS she was talking to a small child and saying good girl ABOUT you not TO you. That’s a big difference. And why on earth you’d be offended when someone compliments your parenting

There must be more to this, otherwise you clearly just don’t like her.

I agree with the last two posters. I see no harm in what your MIL said on either occasion - she was praising you. Unless there is a massive backstory, and perhaps there is, you sound rather tricky to deal with if you are massively offended by what are, in effect, complimentary remarks.

Maybe, iv never discussed this with anyone. I do think it's because she called me a good girl directly once years ago and its haunted me to this day. And it may make me see her in a bad light.. i did a simple task of helping a family member, i was new in the family and she said 'good girl' the family member looked at me and asked if i was ok as i mustv looked quite horrified or they thought it was ridiculous she said it but being so new in the family i felt i should let it slide. Mayb these feelings come from that dark place. But how do i let that go? I think i struggle around her a lot but i cant keep going on like this. Iv ignored her since lockdown as i always feel she will say something offensive or il take it badly on phone/facetime. I just blank her. She also hasnt made a huge effort to reach out to me. Itl b very awkward seeing her post covid. As the family are quite tight knit i will b seeing her regardless.