I was one of these children. IMMENSE TRIGGER WARNING

[Asthesayinggoes]

Please do not watch this if you've experienced abuse and can't watch it or feel triggered about it or if you can't stand watching violence against children.

nypost.com/2021/01/28/disturbing-video-shows-man-abusing-sons-in-bronx-train-station/?utm_campaign=SocialFlow&utm_source=NYPFacebook&sr_share=facebook&utm_medium=SocialFlow&fbclid=IwAR2KRCSmVJWaen_-YRf3esd9q-PLbQOg9M0tVpdDfTTda-vKSbkPObqZrIM

This video shows a father abusing his 7 and 9 year old sons. In public.

I can tell you that I have experienced similar, daily. The worrying thing is that the man still lives with his children and family.

I can't tell you the long-lasting effects of ongoing daily abuse like this. Life threatening abuse, though you survive the beatings. When you grow up, those memories haunt you. You probably rely on drink or drugs.

To women who abuse, or who have husbands (or grandmothers as in the case of one thread today). Please. Please don't. Please stop it!

You can't really recover from that.

Hi lovely OP
What do you mean you relive those actions daily, is this in your mind/memories or is someone physically hurting you again are you safe?

It's flashbacks constantly. That's probably the term, but it's more like I can go for minutes absorbed in a memory or reliving it. Really sad. I can't stop it. I don't know how.

OP, thinking of you.

Have you read 'the body keeps the score'. It's about how the mind, brain and body deals with trauma.

It mentions how 'flashbacks' are experienced as actually being in the situation and your body reacts accordingly. It's not just a memory.

Can you not be referred for therapy until you stop drinking? That's awful really.

I was in 2 minds about watching this video but I did in the end. I was shocked but then realised this experience wasn't so different from mine.
I stuck out like a sore thumb compared to my siblings growing up. I think my dm found me the most difficult and I was regularly pushed, hit, slapped, locked in the porch, ignored, shouted at until I cried and more. I remember one occasion in the summer holidays that my mum was so stressed she pinched my arm until I drew blood. Another time, my father hit my hands with a belt because he thought I'd left the gate open. It happened regularly and there was rarely any apologies, we never discussed it after. In my late teens it happened less and I reasoned that the abuse happened because my mum was tired, working a full time job, caring for the family and all the household stuff too. It was a normal reality for me. I coped by self harming.
I also had a talent growning up where my parents wanted me to utilise it as much as possible and so had far greater expectations on me than my siblings.
I dont think my dm ever knew that I was also being sexually abused by a family member (now nc) at the same time from the age of 4 till 12. I can't ever talk about about it for the feelings of shame and embarrassment set in. I've only ever told my DH and even then I couldn't tell him any of the details, only that it happened.
Again, I coped with it all by self harming. My teen years were difficult but I didn't tell anyone for fear of what would happen if I did. I just carried on.
Despite all this, I have a wonderful relationship with my siblings. I have a relationship with my dm but I am cautious.
I managed to go on and meet DH and have children of my own. It was only then that I realised how fucked up my childhood was. I've worked hard not to be defined by the things that have happened to me in the past. There are some lingering effects, for example, if I get anything wrong I cry immediately and I get days where I just hate who I am but I just keep going. You would never know that this happened to me and I would never want anyone to know either.
I love my so much DC, I couldn't imagine any scenario where it would be appropriate to put my hands on them in any way that would harm them.
I think abuse is still rife and much more apparent than people realise or like to believe.

I am so sorry you are having bad flashbacks hope you can reach out to someone in real life you sound like it's pretty bad for you at the minute.
You have to keep going and find a way, I know it's so hard and it's so hopeless some days but you can do this for you.❤️

@astroscoach
So sorry you went through that. Sexual abuse and abuse absolutely destroys you. I am glad that you have a beautiful family and that you survived your childhood and have broken the cycle of abuse to keep your kids safe. ❤️

My ex partner was like this towards my daughter and I 😢😢😢. He had no sense of shame to do this public, in shopping centres, supermarkets etc.. We're thankfully away from this monster now with the possibility of him being back in her life if the family court allow it 😢.. I just want to protect her from him with every fibre of my being.
These poor boys in this clip. Immensely heartbreaking.

So sorry OP i didn't mean to derail your thread with my own issues. I really hope you can move forward somehow to a more peaceful life. I just wanted to share because I know how terrifying it is to grow up in such situations. I wish you all the best xxxxx

I'm afraid I can't watch it Op. Just the description alone of the abuse these poor boys suffered reminds me of an incident when I was hit hard enough to cause a nose bleed (in public) and nobody batted an eyelid.

To every one who has gone through horrific experiences at the hands of those who were meant to protect them , I am sorry 💐

To Op I truly hope you can gain peace and happiness, and recover 💐

P3rsephone I used to dream that I was adopted. Have you ever seen the movie Annie? Anyway, I used to pray and hope that my real mother would come back and get me.
I feel so sad reading about close relationships posters on here have with their mothers. So very sad. Jealous a bit sometimes too, but I know what it is and nip that in the bud.

I've also sent you a pm.

@Pebbledashery

My ex partner was like this towards my daughter and I 😢😢😢. He had no sense of shame to do this public, in shopping centres, supermarkets etc.. We're thankfully away from this monster now with the possibility of him being back in her life if the family court allow it 😢.. I just want to protect her from him with every fibre of my being. These poor boys in this clip. Immensely heartbreaking.

If you can, protect her.

Just wanted to mention EMDR therapy OP, worth looking into if you haven't already

@scrivette

OP, thinking of you.

Have you read 'the body keeps the score'. It's about how the mind, brain and body deals with trauma.

It mentions how 'flashbacks' are experienced as actually being in the situation and your body reacts accordingly. It's not just a memory.

Can you not be referred for therapy until you stop drinking? That's awful really.

I'm not good at reading books. I don't have the concentration. My brother recommended a book called 'Can't hurt me'. I think it was written by a black child in America who is now a very successful singer/artist but it was his father who was abusive. I didn't read past Chapter 2 as I couldn't identify with it.

Bizarrely, they say that it is the mental health of the mother who has the determining effect on the outcome of the child. Well I have a brother and we both got the same beatings from our mother. He is eminently successful in his field of work and I couldn't even get through uni.

Btw if anyone does want to watch it, it is heavily edited now and you also can't see the little faces. The saddest part of the footage probably, was how stoic they were.

So sad. Also sorry you went through anything similar OP and others.

One of the saddest parts is how the little one hardly reacts, he's obviously so used to it