I was one of these children. IMMENSE TRIGGER WARNING

[Asthesayinggoes]

Please do not watch this if you've experienced abuse and can't watch it or feel triggered about it or if you can't stand watching violence against children.

nypost.com/2021/01/28/disturbing-video-shows-man-abusing-sons-in-bronx-train-station/?utm_campaign=SocialFlow&utm_source=NYPFacebook&sr_share=facebook&utm_medium=SocialFlow&fbclid=IwAR2KRCSmVJWaen_-YRf3esd9q-PLbQOg9M0tVpdDfTTda-vKSbkPObqZrIM

This video shows a father abusing his 7 and 9 year old sons. In public.

I can tell you that I have experienced similar, daily. The worrying thing is that the man still lives with his children and family.

I can't tell you the long-lasting effects of ongoing daily abuse like this. Life threatening abuse, though you survive the beatings. When you grow up, those memories haunt you. You probably rely on drink or drugs.

To women who abuse, or who have husbands (or grandmothers as in the case of one thread today). Please. Please don't. Please stop it!

I can't watch the video as I've read how they are suffering from other comments, I hope something can be done to protect these children. It's reminded me of a local incident here a few years ago, the railway police issued the CCTV of a man abusing his two little children on the train. I was really shocked to see it was a well known local shop owner/voluntary band leader. As someone else said, if they do this in public, what do they do behind closed doors.

@squishedblueberry

Those poor boys. I’m in tears. The older boy... rocking, wiping his tears, his body language trying to lean away from the man. His little hand movement holding onto the rail for support... I just want to rescue them. How can they be back with him now? Is there anything that can be done?! I feel like I can’t just see this video and do nothing..

Imagine what that absolute evil piece of shit does behind closed doors. I am really really upset by this. How can he have not been charged?!

I don’t want this video to be forgotten after a day or two, how can we help these children?!

I can’t stop thinking about them. The way they are sitting, bracing themselves for it before it’s even started. I feel
Sick.

I’m so sorry you had to suffer the same OP.

I want to do exactly what you're doing. But it's the US and I have no idea where to start. Foster system doesn't have a good record either.

I would be utterly terrified of that man as a bystander...cannot imagine the daily terror of those children

@beelzeboob

I would be utterly terrified of that man as a bystander...cannot imagine the daily terror of those children

I know that that will be all day long.

@Asthesayinggoes I don’t know anything about the system over there. But I want to keep shouting about this. Is there anyone from US on here that can help advise on the system/on anything we can do?
I feel like I need to know those children are safe and ok and that he won’t be allowed near them again. I can’t get the picture of the boy in the orange jacket trying to hold himself together, the wind knocked out of him and wiping his tears away.

OP - I get the feeling that you posting this is in a large part because you want to talk about your own experiences. Have you ever told anyone the whole story? I honestly think you should. Even if you just put it all down here for us strangers to read - at least get it off your chest.

I found the father on FB; very easily. His name is Joshua Gilead (name released by police). Piece of fucking shit.

I'm not watching this. I can tell you now though, that children dear to me are being emotionally scarred by their very professional, very respectable parent daily, but it's classed by the powers that be as alternative parenting. It makes me feel sick to think how bad it must have to get before anything happens to actually protect a child.

The mother is not named. God why?

I am so sorry for all of you to see what abuse is like. But that abuse, which you have seen 5 minutes of, is all day long for some children. It was for me.

This lasts all day long.

A cunt doesn't just decide to be a cunt for 5 minutes of the day. I lasts 24 hours a day and it destroys you.

It's actually sad that I know that some people would not be able to watch what actually goes on.

@Asthesayinggoes I thought twice about watching because I know there is likely nothing I can do about it. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, I care very deeply.

Are you ok? If I’m so disturbed at that video I can’t imagine how you must feel after everything you’ve been through.

I’m unclear from the article are the boys with their mother? I read another article that said the dad was arrested in a separate incident related to domestic violence but what worries me in these instances is if he is allowed back - the abuse will undoubtedly get worse because he will blame them. I really wish there was some way to know they are safe or to keep track of this story. I pray that he’s not allowed near those boys again. Another article said the parents live apart.

The Acc are now investigating the incident with the NYPD
The boys are no longer with him.

He said on a news call that he needs help he had been drinking and had bad mental health, he said that he was abused as a child, so this piece of crap decided to continue on the cycle of abuse instead of breaking it and giving a better life to his boys.

OP I hope you are OK and you have someone in real life who you can lean on
My father was like this and you are right what you say you don't survive it.
But I did break the cycle, I treat my children with respect and love and they will never know my father or anything about him. Sending love and light to you ❤️

To the OP. You can recover. You really can. People are starting to research trauma. You have complex PTSD. Not PTSD but complex PTSD. They are different and it stems from repeated childhood trauma. People are starting to research and understand. I’ve been watching learning videos about it during lockdown. Alcohol and drug dependency is often the result as it’s the only thing (currently) that can soothe. It doesn’t have to be this way. Google complex ptsd and trauma and start reading and learning. It’s all about how your nervous system is now in permanent fight, flight or freeze. This is a neurological condition. This was done to you. You need love, peace, compassion and understanding. Increasing your seratonin and endorphins can help. Daily exercise like cycling, yoga and therapy. Talking therapy combined with daily exercise. The exercise releases the endorphins that soothes the parts of the brain that have been impacted by your trauma. Don’t give up.

Message me if you want and I’ll send you some links for the people who are researching this

You could never watch a day.

OP can't watch because I already don't sleep properly and have flashbacks etc.

I think it's important to share videos like this though because for people who don't know what it means to be abused, they can't imagine. And when they can't imagine..they very often just don't - understandably.

I used to know what mood my mother was in by the way she put the handbrake on as she stopped on our driveway - when I was in the house. I didn't know that this wasn't a normal thing to know until I was in my 30s in therapy. It wasn't - by far - a major issue in therapy, I just mentioned it in passing. You can never, ever relax when that person is around and even when they're not, it's still not necessarily safe.

OP I've heard that the Khiron clinic can be very good. Im not sure if/how it deals with alcohol, but if you were looking for away for the pain to be eased, it might be a place to ask.

I still have nightmares and flashbacks, but significantly less than before. I've had a schema therapy and EMDR. Internal family systems is the more fashionable version of schema therapy, and I've heard it can help too - in combination with EMDR.

And another thing that people may find helpful is polyvagal theory. Sounds complicated but isn't actually. Deb Dana explains it well. When you don't know what safe feels like, or feeling anything at all feels dangerous, this offers a way to slowly, safely understand what your body needs to not be in that constant state of stress/needing to numb.

I'm not suggesting anybody should do any of those things, just that they've been useful for me. I can't ever "recover", but feeling less horrific sometimes is better than constantly horrific.

@Asthesayinggoes
How are you feeling this morning?
I’m here if you want to talk. Thinking of you and all the children. I never forget them.

Another survivor who would recommend schema therapy. I actually started with compassion focussed therapy (???) so I could start learning healthy ways to soothe myself, then moved on to the schema therapy.

Sadly, even pre-covid, I couldn’t access it through the NHS and 6 weeks self-guided CBT doesn’t really cut it. I had to pay privately and it was expensive. Seems incredibly unfair.

My youngest son initially came to me as when he was 6, to be fostered, he was one of those kids. He had appalling nightmares for years and still struggles now if he's stressed. He still will fight sleep in case he has had dreams.
Yesterday was his 16th anniversary of coming to live with us. The damage done never goes away. He has had years of therapy and lots of on going support and is mostly a sweet, happy young man.

I had to pay privately and it was expensive. Seems incredibly unfair.

It is.
We get injured and if we can't afford to pay for treatment we get none.

Or worse than none: 6 CBT sessions.

There are some places that have reduced fees or even free spaces. Takes time and energy to find them though and energy and bravery to apply.

Meanwhile the people who injured us are usually carrying on just fine.

Very unfair.

Ironically, though they have referred me for trauma therapy, I have been refused on the basis that it would be too truamatic and might be detrimental to my health. What they seem to ignore is that part of my referral referenced the fact that I relive the beatings daily. And they were just like that. Utterly unprovoked.

The video now blocks out the children's faces.