Marriage

[Peanuts1963]

Been married a long time and have put up with an arrogant husband who is not very easy to discuss things with.
How much is too much? Really feel it's time to call it a day. His behaviour isn't constant, there can be long periods where he is pleasant but then something will set him off. He can shout, say nasty things and be quite intimidating and can turn things to make me feel bad. I always worry about discussing things with him and feel I have to choose the right time and right way to phrase things. On occasions if I've organised something on my own without consulting him he's been angry or sulked.

This situation is not sustainable. Your too much will be different to everyone elses though. With my ex one day enough was enough and any remaining feelings for him died that day. After that I was focused on getting out and no matter how much back-peddling he did, I'd made my mind up and it was over. I get that it doesn't seem to work that way for everyone either but in my case, there was never a right time to talk calmly about my unhappiness - it always became about him and his needs.

Maybe next time he behaves in this way, you say thats it, I'm done, but you've got to mean it.

Thank you for your reply. I feel like there shouldn't be a next time, no more excuses.

You know you want out. Don’t waste anymore of your precious life being unhappy

@peanuts1963 can I please ask you what you decided to do?

I am in a very similar situation to you. My husband can be pleasant sometimes but mostly it is passive aggression (towards me) or aggression (shouting at our children mainly or the dog). I am worn down by it and unhappy. We have no connection anymore, and I feel I can't talk to him about it as it always quickly turns into being about him and how he feels we are all failing him...

@ Milly33 if you start your own thread in relationships you can get responses and advice directed straight to you. I doubt that the OP of this thread is going to reply to be honest, it's a bit old. Best of luck.

@ Milly33
Dear Milly, I have struggled with my DH for years and finally called it quits. This past last year has been really hard for us especially my DH but regardless of that I decided to go with the separation. @giletrouge is right, go ahead and start your thread and we can all chime in. It is easier when you can discuss it with other people.