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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

ds ill - husband didn't follow doctors advice

22 replies

neednewbag · 30/10/2007 08:15

my poor ds has had a stomach bug for a few days and as it seemed to be getting worse i spoke to the dr about what to do. she said only to give him bread and water for a day and then speak to het about how he is. my h got him up this morning and because he was crying gave him porrige - with milk, which the doctor had also said he shouldn't have,. i couldn't have made it any clear to h about what ds should be having but he just ignored it and said "he made a mistake". i got really upset with him and he got angry beause i "wasn't giving any credit for admitting he made a mistake" i don't understand how he can be so stupid and then expect me not to be upset

OP posts:

CorrieDale · 30/10/2007 08:18

This is going to happen over and over again. I don't mean that in any depressing way - DH tells me things and I forget, and vice versa. It's life. It happens. He's apologised and admitted he made a mistake, being still angry with him (or rather, showing your anger) isn't doing either of you any good. Or your DS. I think you should just draw a line under it now. And resist the temptaion to reopen the matter should DS vomit again.

Tommy · 30/10/2007 08:20

it really won't do your DS any serious harm and, to be fair, your DH was also only trying to do what he thought was the right thing

having poorly children is yuck though isn't it?

Original poster

neednewbag · 30/10/2007 08:21

thanks for your reply but it's hard to see how he could have forgotton when it was him who went to get him something suitable to eat at 9pm last night so that he'd have something to eat this morning!

OP posts:

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 30/10/2007 08:24

How old is your DS ?

Do you have any other children ?

Original poster

neednewbag · 30/10/2007 08:24

hi, ds is 18 months - no other children

OP posts:

seeker · 30/10/2007 08:25

I'm tempted to say he's not ill - he's got a tummy bug! A bowl of porage isn't going to do him any harm - and if he felt like eating it it probably means he's on the road to recovery. Don't really think it's worth getting really upset about, honestly!

BreeVanDerCampLGJ · 30/10/2007 08:26

The first child is a very very steep learning curve for everyone.

He forgot, the worse that can happen is that he will puke it back again.

It is not life threatening.

You both need to have some give and take otherwise your DS's childhood will become a battleground.

chopsterHeadsOffEverybody · 30/10/2007 08:30

tbh, I think you are overeacting a bit. He made a mistake, and it isn't going to do your ds any harm. He may have kept some down so it might have even done him some good, after all you should give a child what they feel like eating. It's your first child, and I think you are being a little bit overprotective and at risk of alienating your dh. Try to relax a bit!

liath · 30/10/2007 08:32

The advice to avoid milk with a tummy upset is fairly out-dated anyway. It won't have done your wee boy any harm .

Original poster

neednewbag · 30/10/2007 09:11

thanks for all your replies - ds does seem happier this morning too so that's a relief! It does bother me tho that h is so incapable of remembering thisng. things are fairly strained between us anyway and there's a chance we may separate so i suppose what he did just seems even worse than if it were a one off incident

OP posts:

chocchipcookie · 31/10/2007 07:22

9.00am - DH says what are we having for dinner tonight? Answer roast chicken

5.30pm - DH says what are we having for dinner tonight? Answer roast chicken

7.00pm - DH says what are we...

Happens every day.

lilacclaire · 31/10/2007 09:00

chocchipcookie, very similar in my house except reverse roles!

Me, what did ds have for lunch at childminders

partner, don't know forgot to ask

Me, 5 mins later and several times that evening ask the same question before i even remember he doesn't know!

BecauseImWereWolfit · 31/10/2007 09:12

I think there's a difference between forgetting what you've said you're having for dinner and forgetting what medical advice you've been given to follow.

I would have been livid - no matter the age of my child - because this kind of mistake has potentially serious ramifications. What if he had forgotten how much Calpol to give? Or how often Calpol should be given?

Your dh obviously feels guilty about what he did which is why he's angry with you - best form of defence is attack. But you're right to have been annoyed with him.

(Although appreciate that this is probably more about your relationship than what really happened

dragonstitcher · 31/10/2007 11:34

I was told by Dr that starving for a tummy bug is old fashioned idea. It is better to give child nutricious food and them throw some of it up after body takes nutrients, then starve body of vitamins etc. It actually makes them ill for longer because they are too weak to recover. He told me to give her whatever she fancied, which was at the time, ice cream.

(((hugs)))

ledodgy · 31/10/2007 11:43

Chocchip perhaps your dh is fed up of roast chicken?

doggiesayswoof · 31/10/2007 11:59

I'm feeling a bit sorry for your dh to be honest. The worst that will happen is that your ds will throw it up and you can start again.

I really hope if I made a mistake like this my dh would be a bit more forgiving with me. Both of you are going to make mistakes at this parenting lark and it will be a lot easier if you are in it together and not being hypercritical of each other.

Hope ds gets better soon. It is rubbish when they are under the weather.

dooley1 · 31/10/2007 12:02

how is ds today? any better?

chocchipcookie · 31/10/2007 13:46

Yes he is fed up of roast chicken funnily enough but it is the same every day with everything!!

Get a white board in the kitchen and write it down newbag is my best advice, that seems to work when I leave dd, it all goes to plan as long as I put down times of feeds and exactly what to give.

macdoodle · 31/10/2007 15:51

oh for goodness sake - if that is the worst you have to complain about you are very well off indeed..at least he got up and cared enought to make him something - gosh shock horror he might have had a serious complication from porridge poisoning ...dear me get a life

heifer · 31/10/2007 16:06

macdoodle - did you get out of the wrong side of bed this morning.

Your post for harsh.... I thought the Op was over reacting but no need to be so mean.

I would rather give you the benefit of the doubt that you are in a bad mood rather than just being a complete bitch...

macdoodle · 31/10/2007 19:58

Well yup tired and grumpy but I can be a bitch as well sorry But really to be upset enough to post because her poor DH fed her child porridge seems a tad OTT to me....maybe not a bitch just blunt ....

heifer · 31/10/2007 20:29

fair enough - glad I gave you the benefit of the doubt then...

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