I had a weekend from hell, sibling abuse

[BlueFlyAway]

Does sibling rivalry and abuse ever stop?

I'm on the receiving end of a bitter, hateful sister. She implemented estrangement some years ago after a row. I respected the estrangement. I was upset but I moved on with my life and I was happy without. I think the estrangement she implemented was a method of control from her. All these years later she's not happy. She keeps sending me messages. She can't get to me on the phone anymore, so she tries to get to me through other people or fake profiles. It's over and over and over again. Reading between all the insults, mocking and threats, she wants me to fix our broken relationship. I'm not interested in having a sister/sister relationship. She's done so much trying to get my attention. She mocked breast assymmetry that I have and its quite notable and went as far as sending me pictures of her boobs many times along with dirty messages:
'hey want to see what real tits look like'
'want to suck on these'
'all real, no chicken fillets'.

She's spent years trying to get my attention with dirty messages and insults.

I'm just after having another bad weekend from her. It's definitely a hamlet type of situation. She's a not a happy person and she wants a pound of flesh out of me thinking it might make her happy.

I went to the police before but they weren't interested in helping me and they said it's a civil matter. I went to 2 different solicitors too but they weren't interested in taking on my case. They made excuses not to help me. One solicitor tried to behave like a counsellor. The other solicitor bounced me back the other way and said it is a matter for the police.

I'm caught so much in another persons black soul.

I'm not interested in mediation because she's not able to meet another person have way and I tried on a casual basis before but she flung it back at me into my face and that was the end of it.

She doesn't get on with others in the family and so there's no one to talk to her.

We went to the doctor too for her mental health but that was also an impossible route because although she was showing signs of mental distress sending naked pictures to her sibling she wasn't hurting herself or others and because of that they didn't commit her to a psychiatric ward/hospital.

She behaves in a similar manner to others in the family too but its my turn for a new fresh round of hatred.

She sounds fucking unhinged. Just offering a handhold OP, it sounds like you did the right thing going nc.

How is she getting through to you exactly? Who passes her messages on? Where is she using fake profiles? Facebook?

Go back to the police and report harassment. It’s nonsense that it’s not a matter for them and it’s civil.

I would be going back to the police. She is harassing you and it needs to stop.

If you tell her to stop and she continues then it is harrassment and definitely a police matter.

Any messages you receive from any name you don't recognise, block. Don't open it, just delete. I'd also report every message etc on social media.

Document every attempt she's made to contact you, including the method and content.
Then go back to the police and insist they act on this harassment.

This is way beyond sibling rivalry. I expect she has a personality disorder. This can't be cured but at least if you view her as being ill it might help you not to take it personally.

Just disengage with her completely. If I were you I would come off social medial and change my phone number. I know she is family but you don't owe her a duty of care in any way.

Can you get an injunction?

I'm surprised the solicitors didn't suggest a 'cease and desist' letter be drafted and sent. I think these are used in cases of harassment, among other things, prior to legal action such as an injunction if the behaviour continues.

You are not meant to just accept an estrangement - she wants to hurt you and to see you beg her to be friends.

Why can't you get an injunction out against her? How far away does she live? Do you have a lot of evidence of what she's done?

I know it's everyone's right to do whatever they wish but I'd be asking myself if being on social media is really worth having that line of communication for her to abuse. Personally, I don't think it is.
Could you still have an account under a different name? I know a few teachers and mental health professionals who have FB accounts under first/middle names or abbreviations, nicknames or complete pseudonyms and no recognisable profile pictures.

Surely you just block her on all SM, phones etc, and any post stays unopened (or opened by a 3rd party then immediately destroyed, if you not sure it is from her?)

But can you not get an injunction for harassment, surely that is possible?

I empathise as I have a brother who is similar, very unhappy himself and has always been horrible to me, have his pound of flesh etc.

I used to burn any post unopened, and whilst he isn’t blocked for texts, he would be if he started being nasty again (he hasn’t done recently for other reasons). He is blocked on my SM and my DCs, but I did find him on here last year slagging my family off!

Nothing as bad as your abuse luckily though.

View it as you would partner abuse.
If you have asked someone to stop messaging you and they continue against your wishes that is harassment.
The police absolutely can do something as long as you aren’t responding to her messages after you’ve asked her to stop.
If she continues messaging, that is proof of a course of conduct.
The police may want to take your phone for evidence but you’ll not see it for months and months.
If they arrest her they can seize her phone/laptop for evidence.
I have been through this with an ex and the police but no difference with a sibling, in the eyes of the law harassment is harassment.

Don't respond - every time.

Limited what is online to friends/family in common and to the general public. Put your privacy settings up high.

How much would an injunction be. The fear of a high civil court cost was something that stopped me. My wage would never cover living costs and legal costs.

She mainly aims for nighttime for creating new Facebook accounts and sends messages over and over again til I find them and them in the mornings and I go straight to block.

I limit social media. Social media presence is very low. I have strict privacy settings on.

If I'm not available, she has tried other avenues and other people too like old friends from school, employer. She loves the employer threats. That's one of her many favourites, even to this day. The woman is a scumbag. She's put the family through hell. She's so unhappy she wants to dish that out onto the world.

She went rooting on other peoples Facebook where she found a picture on another persons Facebook and she hated seeing me dressed well and happy and that was enough to set her off on another spell.

Can you come off of social media?

That's what I had to do when my friend acted like your sis. My friend actually stalked my dc! Was obsessed. I contacted a stalking charity and they were very helpful - paladin

I came off of all social media. I moved towns. I don't participate in anything that gives my whereabouts. It may seem extreme but totally worth it. I don't have to worry so much now. Sorry this has happened to you.

I would block her on everything also on every fake profile she says up x

The friends Facebook where I was pictured, she sent them messages about me. She was asking them did I get the memo about the slut knickers or some other shit about that. Shoeing me dressed well and being happy was enough to set her off.
She is still referring to thst picture where I was happy and dressed well in many of her abusive messages to me. None of it makes sense only that she's desperate for attention.

She is blocked on everything. Numbers changed. Emails changed. Limit on social media.

I think you could get a non-molestation order. I think they are available between siblings (I know they are available between parents and children). Call the NCDV and they may be able to put you in touch with a law firm which can help you draft the papers for free.

I don’t think you should have to come off social media altogether. You’ve done nothing wrong.

I don’t see how you see her messages?

Even if she sets up a new account, if your own account is locked down to friends only, you just delete any new friend requests, and any messenger messages she sends will not be visible?

I can only see messages from friends... so even if my DB set up a new account, I would delete a request and then not be able to see messages.

Alternatively, set up a new FB account!

She is blocked on everything. Numbers changed. Emails changed. Limit on social media.

So how do you see her abusive messages?

Back to the solicitor and get a cease and desist letter. We had to do this with my dh sibling. The abuse wasn't as bad as yours either, go get the letter done think ours was £80 ish. It stopped.