My relationship has dwindled to nothing. It has been dead for a couple of years. I've stayed for our two boys. I didn't realise until eight months ago how low I was feeling. I was having alot of panic attacks. I developed anxiety for the first time in my life. I couldn't see the joy in anything. I lie on bed every night alone. Whilst the man I'm with is kind to me. He parents equally. He makes me a cup of tea. He helps around the house. He would buy me anything I needed. That's it. The romance and conversations died a long time ago. We attempted to agree to changes but we were never at the same point and it continued to fail.
Into my life walks "Sean"
Instant attraction. We spent all of September bumping into eachother. Then we swapped numbers when we were no longer going to be seeing eachother anymore.
We've been talking non stop since. We haven't met yet as we were enjoying the contact and then lockdown happened.
He told me he knew he loved me after a few weeks of us talking back in the summer. I felt the same. It's like we are soulmates. We are opposites in our attitudes and things. But absolutely match with our opinions, ideas and dreams for the future. We both have not had sex etc for a very long time and his last relationship ended like mine. They are still friendly but never worked out. So there's alot of understanding.
I've sat down three times now with my children's dad. I've told him that I feel we won't be able to get back the sex and things. I said he's like a friend. A housemate. But not a lover. He agreed ever so slightly but mainly said we will get it back in a few years when the kids get older. I shook my head and said we can't survive years like this. It's so unhealthy. I told him I didn't want either of us to waste our lives. Along with many other things.
But he just won't accept it.
All I've wanted is to settle things here. Get down to a friendship level and once we are ok I would like to spend time with new guy and start enjoying being an adult again. I don't mean just sex. I mean conversation. Support. Naturally wanting to sit and spend time together.
I'm not married.
I feel so much frustration around my partner not wanting to absorb what we've said. He won't mention it at all. So therefore I feel I'm playing games by the phone calls and plans for the future with the new guy. I don't like it. I hate not being able to do what I want to do sometimes. Like just meet for a walk. Nothing else. It feels like a sneaky lie.
What would you do? I don't want to hurt anyone.