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Original poster

Drunk sex or not

63 replies

Tornintwo1 · 22/01/2021 01:11

Hi ,
Really hard to write this but I need some advice cause in my mind I'm quite confused . Ok say someone got really drunk to point passed out like on floor ( was a one off celebration ) and can't remember nothing after a certain point till next morning/afternoon . Had to be reminded next day what went on .
But one thing popped up in ur head couple days later and that was there OH wiping them down there . So u ask OH did we have Sex ? Yes they reply u was up for it .
But u literally don't remember nothing apart from just that bit where u on on floor naked with them cleaning up .
What would u say this was ? They just can't remember or partner knew was so far gone but carried on anyway .

OP posts:
LostGirl7 · 22/01/2021 01:16

Worrying, not acceptable x

Original poster
Tornintwo1 · 22/01/2021 01:18

They was sober, they hadn't gone out that night .

OP posts:
AnitaB888 · 22/01/2021 01:18

That doesn't sound good - what it sounds like is rape.

Newfor2021 · 22/01/2021 01:21

This is really tricky as I’ve had mind blanks the next day but at the time have been drunk but capable of sex and wanting it.
However it seems like you weren’t by you questioning this, and from the sounds of it you were very drunk.
Do you know if you were speaking, actively participating or do you think you were passed out / in a zombie state?

If you weren’t actively engaged the it’s a huge no no, plus a partner should really verge on the side of caution as they should be mindful of caring for someone they love when in this vulnerable state, not taking advantage of them.

birthingball · 22/01/2021 01:21

That is rape.

Newfor2021 · 22/01/2021 01:22

@Tornintwo1

They was sober, they hadn't gone out that night .
That also changes things as they should of been super cautious to gain consent versus if you had of both got drunk together. Sorry Flowers

It’s a horrible thing, I’ve had it done to me many times

Original poster
Tornintwo1 · 22/01/2021 01:23

@Newfor2021

This is really tricky as I’ve had mind blanks the next day but at the time have been drunk but capable of sex and wanting it. However it seems like you weren’t by you questioning this, and from the sounds of it you were very drunk. Do you know if you were speaking, actively participating or do you think you were passed out / in a zombie state?

If you weren’t actively engaged the it’s a huge no no, plus a partner should really verge on the side of caution as they should be mindful of caring for someone they love when in this vulnerable state, not taking advantage of them.

I've been told i was like talking but not making sense. Its the not remembering what hard .
OP posts:
FuckYou2021 · 22/01/2021 01:23

I'd say your other half raped you. Passed out women can't consent.

These type of threads often have people defending such men and will ask if it's worth breaking up a good relationship/family for. The way I see it is, men who care for their partners don't stick their dick in them when they can't say no and you have every right to be angry.

I'd be too scared to drink or take meds or have treatment that may make me sleepy and incapacitated around him ever again.

Original poster
Tornintwo1 · 22/01/2021 01:25

I haven't been drunk since , not saying its just cause of him but I'm so embarrassed I can't remember nothing

OP posts:
Newfor2021 · 22/01/2021 01:30

Mmm if you weren’t making sense then you weren’t capable of clearly consenting as you were clearly not capable of clear decision making so yes, he’s an arse.
Whether this is something that can be frankly discussed, and noted that if this should ever happen again it would cross a boundary or if this has broken your trust and you can no longer be with him only you can decide.

Original poster
Tornintwo1 · 22/01/2021 01:30

I just dont get why . Never felt more confused in my life Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Tornintwo1 · 22/01/2021 01:32

@Newfor2021

Mmm if you weren’t making sense then you weren’t capable of clearly consenting as you were clearly not capable of clear decision making so yes, he’s an arse. Whether this is something that can be frankly discussed, and noted that if this should ever happen again it would cross a boundary or if this has broken your trust and you can no longer be with him only you can decide.
I have tried to get past this its been a year but then pops into my head, like did he or not .
OP posts:
Newfor2021 · 22/01/2021 01:37

I don’t understand it either, but there’s obviously some sexual prey drive in some men wanting compliant women, perhaps it’s a selfish thing so they can just fuck and go and not have to give back?? But for me the joy of sex is connecting with another persons energy and our connection.

To be honest, I left my sons father because of this. No one could understand as he was such a nice guy on the surface and worshipped the ground I walked on, but it became a reoccurring thing and I realised he was actively encouraging me to get drunk so he could. I was only 24 and felt very alone.
Sorry, it’s shit Sad Flowers

C0NNIE · 22/01/2021 01:39

He was sober and so was clearly able to judge that you were drunk and couldn’t consent.

Also as he knows you well, he must have seen by your behaviour that you were very drunk. And therefore couldn’t consent.

As your partner he is supposed to love and protect you. Not take advantage of you and rape you.

Imagine one of your friends was very drunk at a party, and you asked her if you could have her phone. She says “ yeah sure “ so you take it and keep it. So that’s fair, right? Because you asked her and she said yes.

Now of course you wouldn't do that would you? She might have said the words “ yeah sure “. But she wasn’t actually agreeing that you should keep her phone forever was she ? She probably thought you were just borrowing it to make a call or take a photo.

She didn’t understand what she was agreeing to and she was too drunk to care.

Only a total bitch would do that to a friend. It’s taking advantage of someone in a big way. Someone who trusted you.

LizFlowers · 22/01/2021 01:43

Tornintwo: "...that was there OH wiping them down there ."

What does that mean?

partyatthepalace · 22/01/2021 01:46

OP I think you know this was rape, given your partner has told you you were so drunk you weren’t making any sense.

Someone in that state can’t give consent, and it is very strange and disturbing (as well as criminal) that a sober man would want to have sex with a woman in this state.

Gingaaarghpussy · 22/01/2021 01:49

I feel for you.
I had a boyfriend who was a total misogynist, I didn't realise until after I effectively ghosted him.
I had got completely pissed, he drove me home, when we got upstairs to my bedroom, he decided he wanted sex, even though I was not sober, he took advantage of me.
It wasn't until I read similar situations on here that I realised that he was an arsehole.
It meant that I was able to forgive myself and move on.

allthesharks · 22/01/2021 01:57

If your partner knows you and knows that on that occasion you were too drunk to consent then that definitely isn't ok. I still don't think it would be ok if it was someone you met that night but someone who didn't know you would have less comprehension of how you are when you're drunk. A partner is someone we are supposed to be able to trust. Unfortunately your partner seems to have breeched your trust.

Original poster
Tornintwo1 · 22/01/2021 02:00

@LizFlowers

Tornintwo: "...that was there OH wiping them down there ."

What does that mean?

Sorry meant he had finished and was wiping me with towel
OP posts:
Original poster
Tornintwo1 · 22/01/2021 02:01

I've never been like that before when had a drink so he would of known i was definitely out of it

OP posts:
LizFlowers · 22/01/2021 02:12

Have you asked him?

Original poster
Tornintwo1 · 22/01/2021 02:22

Yes he said I wanted it

OP posts:
LizFlowers · 22/01/2021 02:24

Well if you were so drunk you can't remember it, he raped you.

Are you still with him?

Sakurami · 22/01/2021 02:25

It's hard to know. I know that I've been drunk at times when I haven't remembered stuff but seen pictures and videos and I seem lucid. But I can't remember a thing.

Sunflower1970 · 22/01/2021 03:56

I think you need a frank discussion. Not sure where you want to go with this if he said you were willing. Do you have a good relationship generally? Are there other red flags?