Drunk sex or not

[Tornintwo1]

Hi ,
Really hard to write this but I need some advice cause in my mind I'm quite confused . Ok say someone got really drunk to point passed out like on floor ( was a one off celebration ) and can't remember nothing after a certain point till next morning/afternoon . Had to be reminded next day what went on .
But one thing popped up in ur head couple days later and that was there OH wiping them down there . So u ask OH did we have Sex ? Yes they reply u was up for it .
But u literally don't remember nothing apart from just that bit where u on on floor naked with them cleaning up .
What would u say this was ? They just can't remember or partner knew was so far gone but carried on anyway .

This is definitely rape, there is a massive difference between drunk sex where both parties are drunk and horny and what happened with you.

Would you ever sleep with him if he was that drunk and couldn’t consent yet you were stone cold sober? I picked up DH from a party years ago, he was tipsy and he gently tried it on as he loved me so much. I told him I loved him too and to get his pjs on and into bed. I put down a bucket and some towels just in case and a glass of water for him and made him breakfast in the morning. This is what you do for a horny drunk, not take advantage of them. When your loved ones are drunk they are vulnerable and you would protect them from themselves if necessary., just like you would think if you had decided to start a bonfire he would stop you.

Im not sure i was spiked i was just drinking a lot shots ive been told and I dont normally drink to be honest.

I literally feel like I can't tell anyone in rl cause once out there can't take it back :(
No I wouldn't do that if he was passed out or even if he was very drunk .. I do feel with what happened and I do believe deep down he was hoping if he cleaned I wouldn't find out .

Does he make you feel safe, loved and respected?

I would leave to be honest. But if you decide to stay you need to make it very clear to him that you think he had sex with you (or on you) without consent, that you think he was cleaning you up in the hope you wouldn’t realise, and that what he did means rape under the law now.
Do you know exactly what photos/film he has of you? I would be very concerned about that as well.

You sound like you know, you just don’t want to have to face up to it. ☹️ As someone suggested previously- perhaps have a chat to a rape crisis counsellor? Try and get your head around it.

I do hope you don't have any children with this man.

I feel very sorry for you, what kind of a chap does something like that, and takes photographs?

You really would be better off out of it but you know that.

When I read your first few posts I thought it was a bit of a grey area as the memory loss doesn't really signify or tell you anything other than you can't remember so very difficult to know what actually did happen and whether it was something you wanted at the time. Like one morning I woke up to find empty dominoes boxes downstairs, no memory of ordering or eating the pizza, but obviously I was capable of deciding I wanted one, ordering it, paying for it, accepting it and eating it. So while I was obviously drunk enough that I blacked out I was capable of cognitive behaviour at the time.

Your later posts where you say you were passed out in the bathroom and the living room and that he took photos of you ( hope he didn't go further and record or take other shots of you during sex that you are unaware of) shows that you were an incapacitated mess and he clearly took advantage of the situation for his own pleasure.

OP I feel for you, and understand what you mean about not being able to talk about it in RL, and not being able to take it back once you've said it.
I really fancied this guy and he knew it. Ended up staying out all night over a park with him and a couple of friends. I got paralytic drunk, and 'came too' because of the pain. He was having sex with me and I promptly passed back out again. That's all I remember.
I asked why he did it, he said I asked for it. I was 16 and a virgin. It took many, many years before I could 'label' it as rape, and even longer than that before I spoke about it to anyone for fear of being judged for being so darn drunk and maybe I had asked/deserved it.

Thank u all for responses and for everyone being helpful . We had a chat he said I was awake n fine. The photo he did show me , it was just me lying down on floor . He said this was after that so I wasn't as drunk . Maybe I was awake and I just don't remember thats the hardest part fact its a blank but I have made it clear that its not right . Asked him if he would do it to stranger said no so it same for me just cause we in relationship. I'm not saying we will be fine and live happily ever after as pp mentioned I haven't accepted it yet cause I don't know what to accept at moment . I do feel better that I've talked about it though .

The photos are very worrying.
Some men share those things to show each other what they've done.

I really wish you could speak to some form of counsellor too. Get your head straight.

That is rape.

This is correct.

I couldn't stay with him,how do you know if what he is saying is even true,you don't,he had sex with you while you was passed out (rape) and the pictures that's weird I would be gone x