Fabswingers. Full of cheats!!

[MrsBerthaRochester]

Lurked on Mumsnet for years but was inspired by another thread to join to share my experience. Met a guy on Tinder and chatted for a few months. Eventually hooked up a couple of months later. Did the deed a couple of times then he goes AWOL.
I join Fabswingers on the recommendation of a friend as am just looking for no strings fun after a very long marriage. The very first profile I click on is this same guy(I recognise his photos)
This starts a period of on and off hook ups over two years. He always came to mine as he said he had flatmates and he didn't want them to know he was on site. I was on his Facebook and had also been to his work a few times( a bar)
I last met him the week before we went into the first lockdown. Two weeks after that I find out he is not single at all but lives with his girlfriend and her kids and has done the entire time!!
Thereafter follows a period of a few months where he withers begs me not to tell/swears he won't do it again or acts as if we could still carry on. I eventually tell the girlfriend (after she contacts me asking how I know him) She promptly blocks me and they are still together.
I still have the rage and want to hurt this man badly but I also still feel horribly guilty. Should I? Or is it my own fault as I should have known men on such sites are likely to be lying cheating scumbags?

@MrsWindass

It’s also perfectly possible to be honest, loyal, trustworthy and a thoroughly decent person whilst also wanting a sexual relationship which doesn’t lead to having to be together and get married

Of course it is but in the context of Fabswingers ? A throughly decent person doesn't hop from woman to couple to woman whatever with them all discussing their performance in public . Now that is fucked up .

Why is it “fucked up”. I’d assume all Fabswingers members know that they can review and be reviewed when they sign up and consent to it? I’ve never used Fab, but I have sex with multiple partners and would happily provide feedback, if asked by others and permitted by the person in question. And I’m a thoroughly decent, loyal, honest, trustworthy person who has never been unfaithful and always checks in as far as is possible that I’m not getting involved with somebody whose partner doesn’t know their relationship is apparently an open one.

The OP was a bit naive on this occasion and will no doubt be smarter and wiser next time and look for the signs that someone is cheating. But what has basically been said here is “if you are looking for sex outside of a monogamous relationship then you have to accept that the people you come across who want this are likely to be immoral, the sort of people likely to cheat; because normal, trustworthy, loyal people don’t have sex outside of relationships.”

Replace “relationships” for “marriage” and it’s the same vile, misogynistic shit which women have been told for generations. It’s mind boggling how many people are still on essentially telling women that they’re dirty or loose-moralled for enjoying sex and only have themselves to blame if it goes wrong.

Yes I'm reminded why I only lurked on here rather than posted!

Don't feel guilty - you didn't know.

But do move on, he's a common or garden arsehole.

He's an arsehole, but his gf doesn't seem to mind.
You do (I would too) but he's not your problem, time to find a new FWB

My DP and I are both on fab 🤷🏼‍♀️ no cheating, no deceit. Just fun!

Fabswingers. Full of cheats!!

Well there's a surprise! Who who would guess?

@MrsBerthaRochester your attitude stinks, how you respond to pp is rude. The obsession with telling this poor women to get an STI test like you are a saviour.

No wonder she blocked you, with your passion for revenge. I can tell you played the poor victim too.

The issue is you looked for no strings sex, if he had a dp or not doesn't matter because you only wanted a shag.

But the issue is that he lied and used you for no strings sex and that's what you are mad at. But that's what you wanted.

Expect random men with hard cocks to be honest, which would lessen they chances is ridiculous.

This is actually hilarious. I can't believe you think a genuinely single man would be on fabswingers.

Wow what a thread ... I’m on fabswingers & as it’s a causal sex site I guess you got what you signed up for. I’ve met plenty of men who are married, some wife’s know & some don’t. Maybe stick to Tinder x

@pinbinpin

This is actually hilarious. I can't believe you think a genuinely single man would be on fabswingers.

Why on Earth wouldn't they be? It's better than any dating site for casual hook ups. Plenty of men on there will be single.

@MrsBerthaRochester

In reply to MrsWindass,Fab is full of loving married couples who choose to open their relationship. It's also where a lot of them meant. The vast majority of them do not condone or wish to be party to folk cheating on their partners.

I've got a bridge for sale

@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants I've already said my BF and I are both on fab. It's full of all kinds. Single men, single women, couples together and separately and people looking to cheat.

@MrsBerthaRochester

Yes I'm reminded why I only lurked on here rather than posted!

Well, if you only wanted to be told what you wanted to hear, then talk to yourself or get 'hunned' elsewhere. People here have opinions, you don't have to appreciate it, but that's how it is.

[quote ThatVeganFeminist]@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants I've already said my BF and I are both on fab. It's full of all kinds. Single men, single women, couples together and separately and people looking to cheat.[/quote]
'I've already said' - so?

The lack of face pictures on that site is very telling. I reckon the vast majority of men on there are married or with someone, otherwise why not put a face pic on. I’m sure those that do would have more success too as I can’t see women choosing a man just on the size of his cock alone.

@HT7654

The lack of face pictures on that site is very telling. I reckon the vast majority of men on there are married or with someone, otherwise why not put a face pic on. I’m sure those that do would have more success too as I can’t see women choosing a man just on the size of his cock alone.

Face pics are for verified friends or messaging privately People don't put their faces because they have public pictures of them naked or in underwear or doing sex acts

Op i think you have had a hard time on this thread. Some men lie on all dating sites but the advantage of fab swingers should be the honesty that you primarily want casual sex rather than a relationship. On regular dating sites many men will say they want a relationship and ghost afterwards because they really just wanted no strings sex.

I think it’s ok to want safe, casual sex from someone who’s single and if you were Facebook friends of course you’d think that he was single.

You should join the dating threads for tips on these sites and less judgement.

That is exactly FSs reputation, sadly OP it is no surprise. It’s not the wisest place to go for an honest profile.

Face pics are for verified friends or messaging privately
People don't put their faces because they have public pictures of them naked or in underwear or doing sex acts

You do realise how ridiculous that sounds ?

Women on Fabswingers are just as picky as women on dating sites etc.
Take that into account and the main distinction for men will be that women they meet on Fabswingers will be easier to separate from other areas of their lives (fewer dates, normalisation of hotels rather than actual homes etc).
They might not all be cheaters, but if you were looking to cheat and you don't have the money/desire to get a prostitute, it's the next best option.
Men who are open to no-strings sex are literally everywhere.

You never saw the colour of his front door much less inside his home. You must have known he wasn't single. If not, you are very naive if you believed after 2 years he still couldn't show you where he lives. His dishonesty was there all along in plain sight - including the ghosting.

But no strings attached goes like that sometimes and if it's still what you want then find someone else.

@MrsWindass

*Face pics are for verified friends or messaging privately People don't put their faces because they have public pictures of them naked or in underwear or doing sex acts*

You do realise how ridiculous that sounds ?

Please elaborate?

@pinbinpin

This is actually hilarious. I can't believe you think a genuinely single man would be on fabswingers.

Oh they are, turns out a lot of them actually do want relationships though and are scared of being hurt. I had a couple of them "catch feels" Awkward.

Some astonishingly judgemental attitudes on this thread.

No-strings sex isn’t for everyone (I would have no interest at this stage in my life), but as long as it’s safe, consensual and honest, what’s the problem?

OP thought the man was single. She only wants sex with single men. He lied to her. That is not her fault. It could, and does, happen with men (and women) you meet anywhere.....

I wouldn’t feel bad OP, but equally I wouldn’t let it consume you. Just move on.

I would feel bad having sex with some idiot who had a partner and kids at home.
I would feel very bad making myself vulnerable to the idiots who populate these places.