Being told you have no banter

[HiyaCathyy]

Has anyone ever been told this by a boyfriend? But the banter is negative comments about your appearance and if I react badly I can’t take a joke? Can’t seem to get perspective with all the lockdown stuff going on.

It’s not banter if you don’t find it funny. He’s a knob, now dump

He obviously wasn’t taught as a child that a joke isn’t funny if the other person isn’t laughing

So he wants to make nasty comments about your appearance, and you aren't allowed to be hurt or upset?

Sounds like he doesn't like you very much
I've genuinely never had a boyfriend make nasty comments about the way I look. That isn't normal behaviour.

Oh OP, this stuff is pernicious and drags you down. My ex used to make derogatory comments about my appearance, and if I ever objected he made out I was vain and shallow for caring. It got to the point where I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. It was only after he threw me out that I finally understood - I caught sight of myself in my mom’s mirror one morning and said “Shit, mom, I’m actually NOT a bad looking woman for my age, am I?” And she said “No, darling, you’re beautiful, whoever told you you weren’t?” And it all came tumbling out.

I am now thankfully with a man who tells me I am gorgeous, have a great figure, beautiful eyes, etc. Objectively these things AREN’T especially true - I am just a perfectly ordinary looking woman. But the people who love you OUGHT to find you beautiful, whatever you look like. And tell you that you are......

“Banter” is different. My fella does sometimes take the piss out of my multicoloured hair for example (I have experimented with various home dye-jobs during the pandemic, and am not very good at it) and I don’t mind that at all, my friends tease me about it too and it’s something that causes me great amusement myself! But it’s not banter when only one person finds it funny......

Sounds like a bully.

I don’t think he’s bad but I feel like I’m being told I have no sense of humour when I do, I just don’t find negative comments about my appearance that funny. I don’t know if I am over sensitive, I think I am but I feel like my partner should lift me up about these things.

Yes he is bad.
Yes you do have a sense of humour, it's just that snide bullying and negging isn't funny.
No you're not oversensitive. It's fucking nasty. However... let's just think this one through, if someone's oversensitive about something, don't you think that their own loving partner would be the last person who would want to use it to tease and belittle them and poke fun at them ? Yep.
Yes he should lift you up.

Everyone on here will say the same thing.

Twat, twat, twat.

Nasty piece of shit.

Get rid, you can do better.

It's not a bad sense of humour when insults are directed at you he just doesn't want to admit his abuse.

dump the bantz bellend.

Usually used by someone being sexist or rude who gets annoyed when you call them out on their BS rather than go along with it.

He's stupid.

hiya He's a mean minded git who has a go at you but dresses it up as something else.

Someone else suggested doing it back; you could, he won't like it and will sulk or turn it back on you. That's a given.

Get rid of him, sooner rather than later

i’ve never heard the term ‘banter’ used by a man who isn’t a total bellend

Yes! If DH said anything about my 'banter' or lack of I would be seriously rethinking everything.

It’s not banter if you don’t find it funny

Also, this. It's not ok.

I’ve never heard the term ‘banter’ used by a man who isn’t a total bellend

^This in buckets.

You need a man that's nice to you and appreciates you Op, not one that knocks your confidence then makes out it's a fault with you when you complain.

I don't know who you are, but you deserve better!

Over-analysing an insensitive dickhead

It’s not being sensitive to be upset if your partner makes nasty comments about your appearance.
He’s being an arse. He does mean to upset you. It keeps you in your place and feeling you’re lucky to be with him. You’re not. He’s a colossal arse.

@BornIn78

I’ve never heard the term ‘banter’ used by a man who isn’t a total bellend.

I came on to say exactly this!

'Banter' seems to be another way of saying 'cringeworthy, unintelligent and often insulting attempts at humour or flirting, usually made by a certain cringeworthy, unintelligent and insulting type of idiot man'.

Think about it op, would you ever say something nasty about someone you love’s appearance and then say it was a joke or ‘just banter’. Of course not. Please dump him and find someone who thinks you are special and tells you.

Banter is a funny conversation, not someone insulting you and you having to accept it !!

Can you give an example of what he says?

@dreamingbohemian

Bin him

Why would someone who loves you make hurtful comments about how you look??? It literally makes no sense.

This.

What's the joke? Where's the banter?

Making someone feel more shit about something they already feel shit about... ask him what you're meant to find funny about it. If he fobs you off with 'god you're so sensitive / can't take a joke etc' then say no I'm really asking and I want you to think about it. Why would the person on the receiving end feel good about those comments?

Either way dump him though, he's a run of the mill arsehole. Raise the bar to someone who doesn't make you feel shit about yourself, he's horrible.

@ButterFlyGirl19961

I understand. My other half does it. And usually in public, one there was short lady at the checkout and i giggled and said oh look someone my height finally. He said but shes got tits and ass to compensate. I said who the fuck says that. He got annoyed saying i cant take a joke i apologised for overreacting but now i think back i was deffo offended. So id say trust ur emotions if ur upset or shocked thats not wrong to feel like that

Are you still with this guy?! He's horrible!

@BornIn78

I’ve never heard the term ‘banter’ used by a man who isn’t a total bellend.

YES yes yes.

"banter" is often used to mean ridiculing and name calling under the guise of "teasing". Then if you dont enjoy it, you get "youre just being too sensitive, its a JOKE!"

Strangely though you will find when you give them "banter" back, suddenly they no longer like it- funny that!

Do you really want to be with a moron who can't make grown-up conversation?

You having "banter" would involve giving it back. How would he like it if you starting making cutting comments about him?

Exactly.

He's emotionally abusive and a gas lighter. He's got to go.