I don't want breakfast in bed

[HaveYouLookedUnderTheCat]

I'm being ungrateful aren't i.
I rarely have a lie in. I'm normally up well before 7. I'm shattered this morning. DH hasn't been seen for dust this week as he's tucked himself way to work, so all home schooling has been left to me while trying to wfh (I didn't agree to this, he's just gone ahead and done it). This morning DH insists that I have a lie in and go back to sleep. But I can't because I'm then brought a cup of tea, DC comes up twice to speak to me and now DH has just brought me breakfast. I don't want breakfast. I just wanted to be left alone and to sleep! And so now I feel I have to eat the breakfast.

It's the fact that he didn't think to ask. Like the wfh situation. But I'm being ungrateful about the breakfast, aren't I.

I see your annoyance. Yes I think you need to eat the breakfast (then try and go back to sleep if time permits) today but then later in the day at a time where things are all nice and calm bring it up.

I think important to always be really nice about it first and say how much you appreciated the gesture etc etc (as it was a lovely gesture) BUT you are so tired from the week etc etc ..
which I think is then a great opportunity to connect onto a conversation about how it would be great if he could support the DCs in the week with their homeschooling. Even if he didn't do as much as you it would help.

You draw up a time table of the week for the DCs home schooling abs fill in when you do .. it's good for him to see a visual of how much you do.. then he can fill in a few blanks.

You might get a few people coming on here saying that you ABU as you have a DH that brings you breakfast in bed. It's a really nice gesture but I see your point!

If you don’t want to eat the breakfast don’t eat it. Depending on age of DC I might roar fuck off and let me sleep to the next person who comes in, but I’m not known for my tact
I’d also be backing out of all home schooling next week, your turn darling, and tucking myself away to work. Although I might have some sensitivity around both our work deadlines such as a big project close or year end.
You are not ungrateful, you don’t have to show gratitude for something you don’t want.

Even if he didn't do as much as you it would help. If you're both working from home full time he needs to be doing an equal amount like an equal partner.

OP this seems to me like when someone (your partner) wants to come across as nice and caring by telling you to have a rest. But really he didn't want you to sleep, he wanted you to get up and used the breakfast (coming across as nice again) to force you to get up. If my partner or I wanted to sleep, we'd let each other without interruptions.

Don’t eat breakfast you don’t want. I think you need a calm conversation with him about how it is all going to work because this seems unfair on you

You need to spell it out to him about the home schooling - really spell it out. Draw up a proper schedule of who does what next week - and no, breakfast in bed doesn't make up for his selfishness.

And if you don't want the breakfast, don't eat it. It's extraordinary the way that women feel they have to tiptoe around men's feelings all the time.

What are you going to do about the working situation?
Why haven’t you told him to piss of? He’s trying to disarm you with kindness. If you say anything he’ll make out your in the wrong.

@WaterOffADucksCrack

I meant ... I think who does the lion's share of the HS depends on each equal household.

I have a friend who has 3 DC who doesn't work so she does all of the HS.

I also have a friend whose DH earns a huge amount of money and consequently has v high expectations of him in his job. She works 2 days a week in a more flexible role. He does an hour a day with them and that works for them.

I don't think it matters what the split is as long as people feel it's fair for their household.

As a single parent who is 'on call' 24/7 with no respite, wfh and managing 3 kids single handily I think you need to take a step back and get a little perspective. Yes you need to have a conversation about the wfh situation, but he tried to do a nice thing. A cup of tea in bed, tjat I haven't made is heaven.

Drink the tea, take a nibble of your breakfast, say something nice and then quietly have a word with dh about your expectations. And be thankful you're not doing this all completely in your own.

Ask him how you see supposed to sleep during your lie-in whilst eating breakfast?!

Later on, thank him for the gesture and gently explain that while you appreciated the thought, you'd rather have been left to sleep. You can't expect him to read your mind. (Early on in our relationship, I had to tell now-DH that I didn't like being bought flowers. This is the approach I took.)

I'd have said I didn't want tea, leave me alone to sleep. I'd have told the dc very firmly to let me sleep and go and be with daddy. Then I'd have hit the roof about the breakfast.

@CandyLeBonBon

Haha I was just reading the other responses thinking I was being more appreciative of the breakfast in bed offering than some others. Then I read yours which was more like mine. I am also on my own and working FT whilst HS the DCs.. I don't think it's a coincidence that we had similar views on it!

He was trying to be nice. You don't have to eat it, sleep in and let him know that it was a nice gesture but you'd rather he just let you enjoy your rest.

We both think breakfast in bed is a form of torture. How on earth can anyone enjoy sitting up in bed and eating.

I get that you're tired and want to sleep but your DH has been kind and made you tea and breakfast. To me he's done it as a kind gesture and there's no expection for you to get up.

Hate breakfast in bed. Nowt worse than crumbs in the sheets.
Mind I only eat at the dinner table

Blimey. Some of the responses on here! It was breakfast not a pipe bomb! I bet you're fun at parties!

Agreed @lemonsaretheonlyfruit

Just tell him directly that tomorrow you’re having a proper lie in and you’re not to be disturbed until you get up and come downstairs.

Just because you're single doesn't mean you have to accept any old shite as omg so amazing a cup of tea hun. Standards.

It's not a lie in if you're constantly being disturbed.
A crap lie in doesn't make up for having to do double the work all week. Christ, flicking a kettle on, quick get the banners out.

YANBU or ungrateful.

“I’ll try my ‘lie in’ again tomorrow DH. Thanks for the cup of tea, and the breakfast, but disturbing me, and allowing the kids to come up to speak to me twice, isn’t a lie in. I don’t understand how you thought I could go back to sleep with all that going on? Never mind, better luck tomorrow”.

Tell him.
I don’t like eating in bed and Mother’s Day was the only day I pretended to be happy about the dc trotting up with a tray.
My dh had strict instructions, a cup of tea yes, anything else no.

@AldiIsla that wasn't my point. Anyway.

@CandyLeBonBon

Blimey. Some of the responses on here! It was breakfast not a pipe bomb! I bet you're fun at parties!

No, I'm not fun at parties, at all 🤣

I do however expect my chosen life partner to respect my need to sleep, having done all the household & family work all week, and to facilitate that in the same way as I do for them.

We don't actually know the intentions of the DH here, but personally I'd have made my needs clear and therefore a partner doing what was described in the OP would be doing this for themselves not for me. In fact they'd be going against what I'd expressly conveyed that I needed.
(My distaste for tea, general lack of fluids intake, and preference for making my own breakfast at a time that I choose to eat it might be influencing my thoughts here.)

And I've been a single parent to small children as well as a married one. While I would have loved a break as a single parent, in many ways it was easier than my xh doing similar to the OPs and all the family stuff falling on me but with my expectation that he should do more.

This afternoon you need to talk to him - about the breakfast being appreciated but not actually giving you the time you needed to sleep. And about the homeschooling situation, which is just not on.

If you're both working then you need to share the homeschooling. How on earth did you both not discuss this when it was announced? We had a crisis meeting until midnight that night to decide how to divide up our days and weeks to share the responsibility. What happened in homeschooling last year? I just don't see how it's possible you somehow slipped without discussion into you taking the full HS load.

We both work in high pressure professional roles, DH earns over 4x my salary, and I'm PT but also have serious health problems. We are lucky we can both wfh, though DH has to go in to work sometimes, and have flexibility (except for bloody meetings). We each do 2 hours dedicated teaching per day (though will be on emails if children seem relatively occupied). I cover most of the supervision outside of this time whilst working, but DH will cover when needed. We have agreed a timetable that means we can each cover our regular important meetings, so can block diaries ahead, and then we review additional meetings on a weekly basis. Then discuss briefly the night before to check we're on the same page.