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Original poster

DH letting BIL in the house during lockdown

71 replies

Tresland · 13/01/2021 03:09

I wasn't sure whether to post this in AIBU, Covid or relationships, but here goes.

DH brother passed by our house today and asked to come in. DH asked me if that was ok and I said no, given we are in lockdown and he would just be round for a social call. BIL had a tool in their car DH wanted, so asked me whether BIL could drop it off. I agreed, but when DH was downstairs I could hear them chatting and laughing inside. BIL was inside the house for about 30 minutes, and when he left and DH came back I basically told him that I was absolutely fuming and that he had been disrespectful. He apologised, but then said there was nothing he could do about it now and he hadn't explicitly asked BIL inside, it had "just happened".

I am devastated and don't know whether I am overreacting. Several times in the evening he's tried to talk to me as if nothing happened, like he's already said sorry so that's that. I don't know what to do now really. It's not as if there are lots of things that bother me about DH and this is just another thing, but his casual somewhat attitude to the pandemic and his disregard of my feelings is upsetting me. Do I just need to get over it? There was really no reason for BIL to be here, and he just saw him at Christmas. It's mainly the fact he asked and I said no that's bothering me. I don't know how to handle the situation.

OP posts:

Coyoacan · 13/01/2021 03:37

Are you particularly vulnerable, OP?

I'm not in the UK but we have more or less the same situation here, with hospitals close to capacity. I try to be careful, but it is impossible to be 100% safe and I wouldn't snub anyone, personally.

Onthemaintrunkline · 13/01/2021 03:54

I’m not in the UK either, but seeing the numbers there, I’d be as concerned as you. Your BIL could have maybe left the required tool and phoned later? Why take the risk this virus is deadly serious.

PoppiesinOctober · 13/01/2021 04:12

I would not care one bit

PoppiesinOctober · 13/01/2021 04:13

Also think being 'devastated' is an overreaction.

Legitimacy · 13/01/2021 04:50

Sorry OP this wouldn't bother me unless I was high risk

yvanka · 13/01/2021 04:55

Your DH sounds like a reasonable guy, to even be asking your permission and apologising when he clearly isn't as worried as you are. He's trying to respect your feelings (which he finds excessive) while also not being rude to his brother. Tough on everyone.

squeekums · 13/01/2021 05:15

Overreacting

Chicchicchicchiclana · 13/01/2021 05:44

I understand your feelings. He asked, you said no and he did it anyway. That's going to wrankle.

ApolloandDaphne · 13/01/2021 05:54

I understand why you are annoyed but to say you are devastated is a bit OTT. Your DH has apologised and you need to try to accept this and move on. Hopefully no one has come to any harm. I assume they chatted at a distance so it is unlikely your BIL has passed on COVID. Does he work in a high risk job and are you vulnerable?

TJ17 · 13/01/2021 06:14

No wonder we are in the mess we are in.

Regardless whether any of you muppets would care or not IT IS AGAINST THE LAW.

And to the PP who said they doubt he passed Covid on 🙄 DEAR GOD. The level of stupidity astounds me......

TJ17 · 13/01/2021 06:17

What does it matter about high risk jobs and being vulnerable?!

It is AGAINST THE LAW and not for you to decide.

OP may not be high risk. But she may go shopping or to a hospital app around someone who ^is.

That is how this works....that is why we are still here a YEAR later.
^
My god.

SheldonesqueIsUnwell · 13/01/2021 06:22

Your DH is right. It cannot be undone now.

Going forward you need to get his assurance that your wishes will be respected.

To be devastated is too much. But I can understand you being annoyed that your concerns were ignored and he allowed that to happen after you said no.

thisismetrying · 13/01/2021 06:22

I'd be pissed off that he'd let it happen but there's nothing you can do about that now and I wouldn't create a huge argument at home because of it.

I'd reinforce with your husband that this cannot happen again and that you expect him to respect you and your wishes (and lockdown rules!).

I would be clear that if he breaks lockdown rules again in a way that could expose you or anyone else in the house, then he'll need to go and isolate somewhere.

marmitepasta · 13/01/2021 06:39

I think you are massively overreacting to be devastated by this.

Lucieintheskye · 13/01/2021 06:42

yanbu, OP. You're just being safe. Unlike the rest of the cunts in this thread who are contributing to the mass spread of the killer virus. Not wanting to be rude is not a reason to allow someone into your home now.

Tell your DH he's a knob and next time he breaks the rules/law, confront them while it's happening and send him to isolate in the garden shed for 2 weeks.

LadyPenelope68 · 13/01/2021 07:03

Regardless whether any of you muppets would care or not IT IS AGAINST THE LAW. And to the PP who said they doubt he passed Covid on 🙄 DEAR GOD. The level of stupidity astounds me......
Absolutely agree. It’s not one rule for some and one for another. People trying to bend the law to suit their circumstances at the minute is the reason we’re seeing such an increase in figures.

FangsForTheMemory · 13/01/2021 07:06

I’d be furious. Your DH needs to get a grip. I would have a serious talk with him about what he’s going to do if this situation happens again.

All the people saying they wouldn’t be bothered: your attitudes are exactly why the hospitals are full and people are dying in their thousands.

inquietant · 13/01/2021 07:10

I think people are getting hung up on the word 'devastated'.

I'd be completely pissed off if this happened in my house.

Too many people seem oblivious to how covid is passed on - it is through interactions just like this.

I would be pretty disappointed if my dp was this much of a numpty!

inquietant · 13/01/2021 07:12

All the people saying they wouldn’t be bothered: your attitudes are exactly why the hospitals are full and people are dying in their thousands.

People's attitudes are a major problem but also important not to discount the Prime Minister's personal part in driving up the death count, along with the most incompetent government in fucking history

Shoxfordian · 13/01/2021 07:16

Does your dh have a problem saying no to people? I would also be annoyed

WarrickDavisAsPlates · 13/01/2021 07:51

I'd be absolutely livid as well OP. Why did he even bother asking you if he was just going to do whatever the hell he wanted anyway?

Also the people who are saying "I wouldn't be bothered about bil coming in" the point is the OP is bothered (rightly so in my opinion) and her husband decided her concerns over their health is less important than him and BIL doing what they wanted, even though its against the law as we're in a lock down.

ToastieSnowy · 13/01/2021 07:55

As someone who caught covid from a tradesman I let in the house for loo breaks YANBU. I learnt my lesson the hard way don’t do the same.

Scarby9 · 13/01/2021 08:00

How would it have been rude for him to say no to BIL coming in the house when:

a. There was no reason for him to come in - not an emergency, not in support bubble, not seeing him for the first time in thirty years or something

b. If he felt they had to meet they could have gone for a walk outside

c. He knew BIL shouldn't come in because he had asked OP

C. It is against the law!!

Not rude to BIL.
Rude to the OP.
Risky and rash.
Exactly the unnecessary indoor mixing that increases transmission.

Nicolastuffedone · 13/01/2021 08:06

I’ve stood in the garden when dropping things off for my sister for 9 months......we chat at a distance, it’s really not that hard.

Bluntness100 · 13/01/2021 08:09

Are you extremely vulnerable? Or suffering from mental health issues due to the pandemic - severe anxiety that sort of thing?

I get why you would be mildly annoyed, but your reaction is very extreme, which is where the concern lies. Not that he was in the house, but your post indicates something else is at play with you.

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