DH letting BIL in the house during lockdown

[Tresland]

I wasn't sure whether to post this in AIBU, Covid or relationships, but here goes.

DH brother passed by our house today and asked to come in. DH asked me if that was ok and I said no, given we are in lockdown and he would just be round for a social call. BIL had a tool in their car DH wanted, so asked me whether BIL could drop it off. I agreed, but when DH was downstairs I could hear them chatting and laughing inside. BIL was inside the house for about 30 minutes, and when he left and DH came back I basically told him that I was absolutely fuming and that he had been disrespectful. He apologised, but then said there was nothing he could do about it now and he hadn't explicitly asked BIL inside, it had "just happened".

I am devastated and don't know whether I am overreacting. Several times in the evening he's tried to talk to me as if nothing happened, like he's already said sorry so that's that. I don't know what to do now really. It's not as if there are lots of things that bother me about DH and this is just another thing, but his casual somewhat attitude to the pandemic and his disregard of my feelings is upsetting me. Do I just need to get over it? There was really no reason for BIL to be here, and he just saw him at Christmas. It's mainly the fact he asked and I said no that's bothering me. I don't know how to handle the situation.

I would have shouted down the stairs to tell him to leave, no need to worry about upsetting thoughtless people.

@Lucieintheskye

yanbu, OP. You're just being safe. Unlike the rest of the cunts in this thread who are contributing to the mass spread of the killer virus. Not wanting to be rude is not a reason to allow someone into your home now.

Tell your DH he's a knob and next time he breaks the rules/law, confront them while it's happening and send him to isolate in the garden shed for 2 weeks.

Haha

Oh, and to clarify, that's me laughing at the keyboard warriors on here calling people 'cunts' for not being absolutely devastated by someone stepping into the house. Funny.

@Coyoacan

Are you particularly vulnerable, OP?

I'm not in the UK but we have more or less the same situation here, with hospitals close to capacity. I try to be careful, but it is impossible to be 100% safe and I wouldn't snub anyone, personally.

I am not vulnerable. The fact that DH's concern for spreading a deadly disease that is currently killing over a thousand people a day in this country doesn't match mine is disappointing, but it's not the main reason I am this upset. I am upset because

1. He specifically asked me whether it was ok for BIL to come in so that they could hang out, so he already knew that I was likely not ok with that, based on what he knows about my attitude towards Covid.

1. He agreed not to hang out with BIL inside, though he text BIL to say it was because I was the "fun police".

1. He then proceeded to hang out with BIL inside after BIL dropped of the tool. For 30 minutes. With the front door closed.

He totally disrespected me and determined that my wishes and feelings were secondary to him having a laugh with his brother. The fact that it was about Covid is not the main issue.

I feel hurt by his subsequent dismissal too, as if this was somehow an accident and "ah well it's happened now." That would have been the case if he hadn't checked with me beforehand. Instead he'd literally asked me if I agreed to having his brother over just five minutes prior to that!

At first he tried to brush me off by saying it was only 5 minutes. I knew it was 30 minutes from the fact the text came when I started watching a TV show, and that show was finished by the time BIL left. He then told me the accident excuse, but BIL and DH were talking in quite hushed tones the entire time, so I am not buying that either.

I would be upset about that he'd taken the time to ask you, and you said no... and then he just ignored it.

I reckon he wanted you to give him permission to break the rules, and then ignored you when you didn't.

Either he asks you (and abides by your decision), or he decides for himself (and faces the consequences when you're angry at his choice).

No wouldn’t care one bit , have seen family all way through and will continue to do so , I don’t have any high risk individuals in my family , no grandparents etc , we both go to work every day and 2 children that are in school too so always mixing anyway!

@ToastieSnowy

As someone who caught covid from a tradesman I let in the house for loo breaks YANBU. I learnt my lesson the hard way don’t do the same.

You didn't die, then?! Or go on a ventilator?!

OP, you're being a bit pathetic and unreasonable!

Latest Johns Hopkins figures show a 99.97% survival rate.

Get a life. Switch off your TV. Give your BIL a hug.

I’d be absolutely raging to be honest and personally I’d make him move out today. I’d be done. Why should I not see my best friend or my family but he just lets his fucking BIL in like its a random summers day. It’s illegal and people are sacrificing. My kid couldn’t see anyone on his birthday but your DH thinks his shit doesn’t stink? If I knew you I’d report him to the police. He’s a fucking liability and needs to be shut down. This cavalier attitude is why we’re all in this shit. I’m sorry but both of them should be chucked in prison for the night and warmed if they do it again they’ll get a week next time.

@DoWahDiddy you need an education. Google virus reservoir. The vaccine doesn’t not make anyone immune. The latest reports in the British medical journal say it provides about 30% immunity. You will still need to protect yourself and others after having it. What it does is give your immune system a boost so if you catch it you’ve got a better chance of not needing ICU

He agreed not to hang out with BIL inside, though he text BIL to say it was because I was the "fun police".

How do you know this?

DoWahDiddy you’re an irresponsible fool.

@classiestgal

I’d be absolutely raging to be honest and personally I’d make him move out today. I’d be done. Why should I not see my best friend or my family but he just lets his fucking BIL in like its a random summers day. It’s illegal and people are sacrificing. My kid couldn’t see anyone on his birthday but your DH thinks his shit doesn’t stink? If I knew you I’d report him to the police. He’s a fucking liability and needs to be shut down. This cavalier attitude is why we’re all in this shit. I’m sorry but both of them should be chucked in prison for the night and warmed if they do it again they’ll get a week next time.

Jesus, you need to chill.

@classiestgal

Seriously?
I bet your a joy to live with or is your husband as boring and uptight as yourself ?
I’m all for being alert and sensible but you sound ridiculous

I would be annoyed as just let him in for a chat , not strictly allowed either bit safer he could of spoke to him outside.
My mum sometimes drops things off and she doesn't come in but I may have a catch up outside.
Although she did have to come in the other day as was desperate for a we , so ran in with a mask on to downstairs loo , left front door open and I was stood outside, then later I wiped toilet etc , but some on here wouldn't even allow that, but how I see it is I have had to have repair men in who have a mask and stay in house , I go to office , no mask just sit 2 m away, so I think sometimes you have to weigh it up.
Going forward I would want reassurance that he won't do it again and an apology that your not the one in the wrong he is and could of got a fine, risked family getting infected etc.

[quote classiestgal]@DoWahDiddy you need an education. Google virus reservoir. The vaccine doesn’t not make anyone immune. The latest reports in the British medical journal say it provides about 30% immunity. You will still need to protect yourself and others after having it. What it does is give your immune system a boost so if you catch it you’ve got a better chance of not needing ICU[/quote]
The survival rate has always been >99%, even before the vaccine which isn't actually a vaccine but is mRNA. Good luck with getting genetically modified, by the way!

On the subject of BMJ, have a read of this:

Covid-19: politicisation, “corruption,” and suppression of science

www.bmj.com/content/371/bmj.m4425

I just wish people would wake up to the reality of it all and stand up to the tyranny. People need to use critical thinking.

@Twinpeaksdancingman

He agreed not to hang out with BIL inside, though he text BIL to say it was because I was the "fun police".

How do you know this?

Because at the time we were hanging out together, and he was jokingly telling me what he was texting.

It's really no different from a situation where DH would have asked if it was ok if he and his friends went to a strip club, would have texted his mates to say I said no (after I told him I would not be happy with that), and then later gone to the strip club anyway behind my back. The point is that he acknowledged and agreed not to do something as it would upset me, and then did it anyway. The fact that it's "not really a big deal" is even more hurtful. It would have taken him no effort and caused him no suffering if he had just not invited BIL in.

@Tresland

I mean this in the nicest way possible I get it’s a pandemic and everything but you sound a Little controlling , it a man said this I think the response would be different. I’m not convinced it’s even about covid you give an example of a strip club , has he been unfaithful before ? You sound paranoid and insecure / sorry

@DoWahDiddy

This thread isn't really about survival rates from Covid. It's about DH and his disregard for my wishes, virus or no virus.

I don't know what anyone can say to you. Yes it was wrong, hopefully he won't do it again. What more do you want from anyone? How long do you want to punish him for?

@Lora88

No wouldn’t care one bit , have seen family all way through and will continue to do so , I don’t have any high risk individuals in my family , no grandparents etc , we both go to work every day and 2 children that are in school too so always mixing anyway!

What a selfish attitude. You realise that this pandemic isn’t about the risk to your family, it’s about the risk to the whole country.

Read up on chains of transmission. You’re prolonging lockdown for everyone.

[quote Tresland]@DoWahDiddy

This thread isn't really about survival rates from Covid. It's about DH and his disregard for my wishes, virus or no virus.[/quote]
Well you go right ahead and be a little princess regardless of if you're right or wrong. I'm sure your DH loves that quality in you.

@DoWahDiddy you are pure selfishness at its finest 👏🏼

@DoWahDiddy you seem very angry at the world. Have you tried counselling? Can't be nice being such a spiteful person.

@TJ17

No wonder we are in the mess we are in.

Regardless whether any of you muppets would care or not IT IS AGAINST THE LAW.

And to the PP who said they doubt he passed Covid on 🙄 DEAR GOD. The level of stupidity astounds me......

So true.

[quote Fran856]@Tresland

I mean this in the nicest way possible I get it’s a pandemic and everything but you sound a Little controlling , it a man said this I think the response would be different. I’m not convinced it’s even about covid you give an example of a strip club , has he been unfaithful before ? You sound paranoid and insecure / sorry[/quote]
I gave the example of a strip club because way too many posters are making this about whether or not I am overreacting about Covid based on how they feel about the pandemic, when that is not the key issue. The key point is the person you love knowingly doing something you have a problem with after discussing it with you and agreeing not to do that thing.

I wonder if I would have had the same reaction on here had I posted:

"I told DH I didn't want him to go to a strip club, he agreed not to go and then went behind my back. When he came home he told me he was sorry, but there was nothing he could do as he'd already gone now so let's forget about it. It was an accident."