Tell me to ignore this Facebook post from DM

[Sickoffamilydrama]

My DM posted this and tagged DSis & I in.

I already know she can be immature and thoughtless although I don't perceive it's done or of malice, just immaturity.

Anyway I've slept on it and it's still getting to me and I find it hurtful even though it's a small thing.

I think it's because it's not a competition and I would never compete with my DDs in fact they are and should be the best of me & in sure are way cooler than me & even if they weren't cool ( not that I even like making that kind of value judgement) I'd not dream of making any kind of comparison.

Also Dsis and I have never treated her as if she didn't have a life before us.

Anyway do I raise it with her or file in the she's immature and ignore?

I'm wondering if I'm being immature by finding it hurtful and I need to deal with my emotions and it. Problem is I always seem to have to do that and I sometimes think that's not healthy.

If my mum posted this I’d think good for her. In fact, I’d probably post something similar to my daughters - or they’d post it about me!

It says grandma so surely its aimed at your children, not you of its aimed at anyone?

The trouble is that passive aggressive stuff can be quite difficult to spot, and is almost designed to have other people thinking you’re over reacting.

I would cringe at that message, mainly because the person posting it clearly is too old and stuck in their ways to appreciate all the cool stuff that’s come afterwards. So it actually sends the opposite kind of message than they are intending, in a weird sort of a way!

Are you serious?

Thanks all you've helped me get perspective that I'm overreacting because I'm angry at her for other things.

She does have form for allowing each other when we were kids but also still doing herself little weird digs like recently she made loads of fun about me double barreling my surname for work, Street my not so DBro had been rude and taken the piss out of it. (my maiden name is 'known' within my business should have never changed it but I'm digressing)

Thanks for those that have kind of got it.

Thanks also for those that have said she's allowed to make mistakes and have had a life I definitely agree with those and well aware.

I find it hard to balance my anger/ frustrations with her with the knowledge that she tried/ tries her best with the tools she had/s

You’re massively overreacting, I really can’t see any issue here at all.

@rossclare

If this is all you have to worry about in life, i envy you.

It's not like you need a certain number of misery points to post on here. Internet chat is open to all! (Except maybe Trump )

I would have to put back "Yes mum, you are right, Grandma Ethel was quite something wasnt she - must be hard for you to live up to her! " just to annoy her

Thanks getthedebt I think part of my annoyance is she has form for passive aggressiveness.

Boots it could well be my gauge is off because of that and it was intended as light hearted or it could be a dig who knows.

Thanks Ross for the helpful input I didn't realise there was a scale of what you are allowed to get irritated by unfortunately I've had worst things happen in my life but this can still upset me as that's the thing with emotional responses sometimes they are involuntary and related to pay experience.

Maybe she is a bit down and needs a boost. She may be feeling old and unattractive. I would read more into it about her state of mind at the moment. But would I post something like that with a comment to my daughter? Nope.

Or past experience...bloody auto correct!

Yes Blessex your right on that front side Hayes being old and overweight now and doesn't really live a full life which I wish she would.

I think this is definitely not the time to pick a battle but had made me think worth the other passive aggressiveness I should say something rather than let it slide.

OP, you're being waaay oversensitive

Massively overreacting.

I still haven't figured out from your posts what she's done to you, now or in the past, that is so wrong.

I would let it slide honestly. Reading about how she used to show you how skinny she was in the past vs you at the same age - it sounds like she values how people look and is competitive about it. It’s her issue not yours. Let it go.

Ha reminds of my mum.
She lives in the past because sadly is all she's got. The looks,the waist,the job,the respect bla blabla fucking bla. How everyone envied her and were jealous of her and again her waist,her style bla bla bla fucking bla.

I don't give a shit really, because I was never in competition with her. I never wanted what she wanted,didn't have the same aspirations or dreams, standards etc. So just waddled on on my own, like the fat failure she thinks I am and somehow got fairly ok and happy.

Plus she needs me , while I don't need her so if it was a competition... I'd be winning.

This is the nothingiest nothing in all of nothingness. Come on now.

I don’t see anything passive aggressive. She saw something and found it amusing and entertaining. Can’t see how it’s about anything but societies tendency to assume older people, particularly women, were always conservative.

I love that my mum had a peroxide blonde beehive in the 60s and whizzed around London on a moped in a mini skirt!

Thanks all as I said in the beginning I could be overreacting to this & will file under ignore.

But I'm probably overreacting because I'm still angry at some of her ongoing passive aggressiveness, so primed to expect it from her. And still angry about my at times shitty, sometimes neglectful, definitely skewed boundaries childhood and it obviously triggered me.

When you've grown up with things even as an adult with my own kids it's really easy to be sent back to those times emotionally like you can never keep a balance.... Think I probably need to go back and lurk on the stately homes thread.

I think unless there’s a huge backstory then massive overreaction

@Mmn654123

I don’t see anything passive aggressive. She saw something and found it amusing and entertaining. Can’t see how it’s about anything but societies tendency to assume older people, particularly women, were always conservative.

I love that my mum had a peroxide blonde beehive in the 60s and whizzed around London on a moped in a mini skirt!

I assume it's the "read it and weep girls" comment alongside tagging OP and her sisters that OP find passive aggressive.

Which it is, in a very sad way.

It’s just a silly meme to tell you that grandmas can be cool and we’re young once! It’s just lighthearted, not a competition. I’ve seen this before from baby boom relatives and just thought ok... sure. I think you must have some deep rooted relationship issues to have taken it that much to heart?

@Littlewhitedove2 it sounds like she was competitive mum (looks and figure wise) when OP was growing up. That can affect a daughter quite a lot. It’s probably a sensitive hangover from that. But again I would let it slide. It’s her issue not OPs.

[quote Blessex]@Littlewhitedove2 it sounds like she was competitive mum (looks and figure wise) when OP was growing up. That can affect a daughter quite a lot. It’s probably a sensitive hangover from that. But again I would let it slide. It’s her issue not OPs.[/quote]
Yes I’m guessing it must hit a nerve from past behaviour. It’s so hard but you have to make a conscious decision to not let the pettiness of others or the insecurities of others affect you, otherwise you waste many hours of your own life stewing about it