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Original poster

Is this strange? Hubbys friend?

91 replies

Lullaby88 · 11/01/2021 13:02

So one my hubbys friends im finding a bit odd. He is very helpful and friendly and I have nothing against him. We have been over to eachothers houses and had meals. he is married with kids. Me and his wife dont really get on in the sense we are just very formal to eachother. She seems quite aloof tbh. We just meet for the sake of our husbands to chatter.
Anyway whenever Iv been out on my own for a walk with my child which id routinely do everyday we would always bump into eachother as in he would be driving and id be walking. Maybe he would be coming back from work to have lunch as it was always the same time. He would slow the car and look and smile. Which i thought was kind of him so id smile back. But it was like allll the time and he would stare, slow down and he also began waving. So id wave back and smile. Now all that is fine.. but the strange thing is when my husband is around he literally wont bat an eyelid my way or even speak to me. Once me, him and hubby were standing together and he just blanked me out completly. This has been happening for ages now. Mayb im overthinking? So havent mentioned it to hubby as its all a bit cringe to think or mention it!

OP posts:

Standrewsschool · 11/01/2021 16:01

Do you walk the same route everyday, or at a similar time? Has the number of times you see friend increased? If so, it could be that he has a crush on you.

Maybe try taking a different route, or walk at a different time. Maybe pretend not to see him occasionally. Must admit, slowing the car down is a bit weird. Most people would just wave as they drive past at normal speed.

If the wife is stand-offish, maybe it’s because he knows her Dh can be a flirt, so doesn’t like to encourage friendships with women.

CantBeAssed · 11/01/2021 16:22

Sounds like he knows your dh is a jealous twat so he minds what he does infront of him...him being friendly when he sees you alone is probably him over compensating for being rude to you when your dh is around. Id be more concerned with dh behaviour

Ori2021 · 11/01/2021 16:24

I think the script-worthy explanation is he harbours an emotional attachment or growing attraction to you; and can’t or won’t hide his feelings when he chances upon you alone. He becomes aloof and distant in company, suppressing his overwhelming urge to throw you up against the wall and steal some intimacy.

Back in the real world, he’s just a sleaze with a minor crush, & thinks or hopes he’s in with a chance when he sees you alone.

Original poster

Lullaby88 · 11/01/2021 16:39

Ok as someone mentioned it is the way he smiles and when he slows down like once i wasnt looking as i was buckling my child into the pram and i could feel eyes on me and it was just that look when u know it aint a we are friends look if that makes sense? It was awkward so i smiled. And he smiled and drove away.
Lol nope my hubby aint having am affair as someone mentioned.
And nope i dont like his wife i think shes so cold to me.
And yes its true i should be sat in a bath tub. This has all been going on for ages but i never really cared enough to talk about it. But on the last occurance i had to get an opinion.
The reason my husband found it strange was because when his mate is around me he is very very formal. So it came as a shock to my husband that there was this new interaction he wasnt aware of. When we spend time together its usually the males hanging out and females doing girly things so there isnt a closeness with his friend at all from my part. Hence the very first time he smiled at me i thought oh he is actually friendly!?

OP posts:

ILoveShula · 11/01/2021 17:16

Don't rule it out.
There s a reason why friend's wife is cold, and the friend's behaviour is weird. It's probably the friend having 'form' for womanising.

MilkMoon · 11/01/2021 17:17

like once i wasnt looking as i was buckling my child into the pram and i could feel eyes on me and it was just that look when u know it aint a we are friends look if that makes sense?

If you weren't actually looking at him, I think you would need to be psychic to discern someone looking at you in a lascivious way, or indeed in a bored, stuck-in-traffic 'Do I know her?' way, or an idle 'I wonder where that woman bought that nice-looking sandwich she's eating?' kind of way.

But if you're determined to think he's secretly in love with you and is hiding his feelings under a cover of dislike, then go right ahead. It's definitely more flattering to believe that than that he is just a person with poor social skills.

HannaYeah · 11/01/2021 17:20

Next time he waves at you, give back a very bored perfunctory wave and don’t smile or make eye contact.

Tell your DH you’re going to stay home next time he goes. Why bother going if you don’t enjoy it?

Opentooffers · 11/01/2021 17:37

I'd be tempted to change either the route or timing of the walk.
I had no idea that people still have gatherings, where the men and women separate off - what a segregational idea, I couldn't stand for that, much prefer a mixed group and would make me very uncomfortable to be put in that situation. Sounds like the men and women in your social sphere conform to old stereotypes

3rdNamechange · 11/01/2021 17:43

@bobbojobbo

a grown woman using the word hubby is a bit cringe as well.

Hideous

IfTheSockFits · 11/01/2021 17:45

@ILoveShula

Don't rule it out. There s a reason why friend's wife is cold, and the friend's behaviour is weird. It's probably the friend having 'form' for womanising.

Yep - and your DH is aware that this bloke is known for being unfaithful.

Some men like to get one over on their mate, and what better way than to try and seduce his wife behind his back?

Wheelerdeeler · 11/01/2021 17:52

Why do you go to someone's house where the husband ignores you and the wife is aloof?

Surely the men who are friends can meet themselves without involving the wices?

Thats what I find baffling.

VettiyaIruken · 11/01/2021 17:55

Is it just this man that got that response from your husband or does your husband always behave like this?

If he does, you need to talk to him about it because it's so so insulting to you to assume you'll have your head turned by any man who chucks you some scraps.

If it's just him then I bet your husband knows this man is a serial cheater / has cheated in the past / will fuck anyone who lets him and he wants to make damn sure his friend doesn't target you. His own wife comes to socialise with you because she doesn't trust her husband as far as she could throw him.

simone1863 · 11/01/2021 18:17

Is it not most likely that your husband warns his mates off talking to his partners and so he's cagey for that reason?

billy1966 · 11/01/2021 18:37

@Cocolapew

Aside from the fact he ignores you when you're with DH which is just pig ignorant and I'm not sure why you bother. Why did you husband ask why you were waving at him when he waved at him in the car? You socialise with him why would he think it's odd? The whole set up sounds weird to me

This.

He sounds creepy.
Your husband sounds weird.
His wife sounds long suffering.

You have your hands full.
Step back.

Stop waving or acknowledging him as you are walking and stop socialising with them so much.

Original poster

Lullaby88 · 11/01/2021 22:11

Thanks guys for the insight. I go to their house because there are other people there of whom I enjoy spending time with.. this obviously happened pre lockdown by the way. But has continued when iv been on walks.
I just never quite understood the ignorance. My husband is fine with me talking to all his friends and his friends are all on great terms with me its just this guy that goes all weird infront of my husband and it makes me feel quite awkward.
Appreciate the input tho. And haha i really reallllly didn't know that hubby was a cringe word at all? We always use that word in the area i'm from! It made me laugh that people despise it haha.

OP posts:

Backtoblack1 · 11/01/2021 22:24

Made me think of Love Actually too

Backtoblack1 · 11/01/2021 22:25

And it’s mean to have a go because OP uses hubby. IMO.

VettiyaIruken · 11/01/2021 22:40

That says to me this bloke has form.
If that is the case then it's rather insulting of your husband to assume you lack morals though! I'd be having words about that if that's what it was.

Osirus · 12/01/2021 01:05

@Lullaby88

I guess I never saw it that way! But id be friendly and say hi and he wont even smile at me in the presence of my DH. Once he was waving at my hubby, my hubby had his hand on the steering wheel so I waved at him as he does it so regular. And my DH was like why the heck u waving at him for? And i said oh he waves at me everyday. And my DH was like oh thats quite odd. And he didnt look too happy about it. Just went quiet.

Why would he not like someone waving at you? That’s a bit controlling isn’t it? Are you not allowed to wave at someone? It’s quite normal to wave at someone you know, even if you barely chat to them.

Raidblunner · 12/01/2021 07:28

Hmm that sounds creepy & stalkerish if there is such a word.
I'd just ignore him full stop and yes tell your husband.

AlternativePerspective · 12/01/2021 07:43

like once i wasnt looking as i was buckling my child into the pram and i could feel eyes on me and it was just that look when u know it aint a we are friends look if that makes sense? you’ve imagined all of this in your head. you have no idea if he was looking at you, you just imagined he was, so you smiled first.

In fact you’re the one who has started all of this interaction and now you’re saying it’s strange?

Is it actually the other way around and you have feelings for him but you want to imagine he has feelings for you and so have made up this narrative in your head?

As for your DH, he sees you being unresponsive in this bloke’s company and then you tell him that you’re waving and smiling at him when it’s just the two of you?

I would be suspicious of that as well if I were your DH, in the same way posters are saying the wife may be suspicious of the bloke, iyswim.

Onthedunes · 12/01/2021 08:19

@AlternativePerspective

That's how I read it aswell.
Plus how easy is it to go an alternative route at a different time, sounds like your anticipating the next meet.

And also like you have mentionitis, this ones on your mind, you know he fancies you, don't act niave.

Ricebubbles2 · 12/01/2021 09:09

He's got the hots for you and behaves and plays cool when your partners with you.
Typical weird male behaviour
Keep being friendly but not overly friendly.
Men love to flirt and play games.
I hate being winked at on the sly by men
Does he wink haha

Sundance2741 · 12/01/2021 09:10

Someone could work this up into a proposal to Netflix!

Sundance2741 · 12/01/2021 09:10

Maybe the wife is cold because she secretly loves you or your husband or both?

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