Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Husband blackmail and Search History

63 replies

Confused94 · 10/01/2021 11:47

Registered as a new user for this but I've been a Mumsnet member for a long time.

My husband and I are the early stages of divorce. We have two children under 10 and we've agreed between us that he will file on the grounds of adultery. However, due to where the adultery took place (i.e. another country) and the implications of admitting it, I'm seeking legal advice about that.

However, STBXH accessed my Google account and has saved all my photos, search history etc has threated me that he will used this as evidence that I'm not of sound mind and an unfit parent, unless I agree to a fast divorce, 50/50 split of possessions and equity in the house.

Can he threaten this? I changed my passwords and cleared my search history on my Google account as soon as I got the alert that my account had been accessed, so I can't actually check what he may have seen, but I'm really worried, I Google all sorts of random things! I have no idea what he might have in mind to use

OP posts:

Thingsdogetbetter · 10/01/2021 12:10

Presuming his evidence is only about adultary, then it is NOT proof of being of unsound mind or being an unfit parent. Adultary makes no difference to financial settlement or children residence in the UK. Adultary is a reason to divorce before 2 years and that's it!

Far as I can remember, it's not even stated on the divorce certificate. I was divorced for adultary, which was absolutely fine by me because it meant we could divorce quickly. Has had no impact on my life at all!

Get a lawyer if you don't think the financial settlement is fair (if you will have main care of the children it is probably not!) and don't believe that crap he's threatening you with!

Kittykat93 · 10/01/2021 12:17

What sort of things have you been googling ?? Just because you've cheated he cant threaten you.

Original poster

Confused94 · 10/01/2021 12:29

Neither of us will have main care, we are agreeing to 50/50. He's a very involved and hands on dad so that will be in his favour.

I think the Google history is just random things I've googled, not necessarily to do with the cheating. I don't know. I google all sorts of things as we all do, I'm just worried! He is taking the angle of me being mentally unstable, I'm not.

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/01/2021 12:54

Blackmail is a crime as I believe is accessing someone's computerised records without permission under the UK Computer Misuse Act.

In fact one of the main offences of that act is unauthorised access with intent to commit or facilitate commission of further offences (such as blackmail).

He has literally committed a crime.

Adultery, on the other hand, isn't illegal.

He needs to tread far more carefully than you now.

Somethingkindaoooo · 10/01/2021 13:00

I agree with pp
Don't cave in to his blackmail attempt.

Do you want more than a 50/50 split?

Original poster

Confused94 · 10/01/2021 13:01

Thanks youvegottenminuteslynn, I will mention it to my solicitor. He is threatening to "finish me" if I don't agree to 50/50 financials but I work part time and he earns almost double what I do, plus he has savings which I don't.

So he's threating to use something he found to evidence that I'm a bad person or an unfit parent, if I don't agree to his offer.

Re the adultery, unfortunately it is a criminal offence in the country it was committed in/where the other man lives which really complicates matters, and which why I'm seeking advice on that separately.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2021 13:03

Sorry I don’t understand. You agreed to divorce on grounds of adultery as such, he doesn’t need proof, are you now wishing to not agree this?

Secondly why would you not want a fifty fifty split? Is there a reason he shouldn’t habe the kids half the time, or is there a reason you’d be entitled to more from a divorce?

What are you trying to achieve here and why does he feel he needs evidence? It feels that you no longer agree to Divorce on the grounds of your adultery and you want more than fifty fifty and you don’t want him to have the kids half the time?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/01/2021 13:04

@Confused94

So he's threating to use something he found to evidence that I'm a bad person or an unfit parent, if I don't agree to his offer.

You're welcome - please do make sure if the divorce is a UK one (is it?) that your solicitor is aware of the latest computer misuse act details, they change more quickly than others as obviously technology changes all the time eg the addition of revenge porn becoming an offence.

whatayear20 · 10/01/2021 13:04

Sorry if I'm missing something, but isn't 50/50 ok. You would get half the equity and half the savings?

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2021 13:04

Sorry cross posted op, ok you broke the law and he has evidence, can’t you come to an agreement with him? Also isn’t it better he has the kids half the time so you can work?

SoupDragon · 10/01/2021 13:05

Did he threaten you by email/text or just verbally?

Lemonpiano · 10/01/2021 13:06

These are all points for a legal professional.

Does your existing solicitor have the experience and expertise to advise on the overseas element? Do they have a network to connect you with a solicitor in the country concerned?

BlueJag · 10/01/2021 13:07

@youvegottenminuteslynn that's impressive. I'm glad there are knowledgeable people here. Excellent advice. This man thinks he can punish her via blackmail.

littlebirdworrying · 10/01/2021 13:08

I'm not sure why you don't want the 50/50 split? Did he have the affair or you?

Original poster

Confused94 · 10/01/2021 13:09

Yes it is a UK divorce, we are both UK citizens and residents, it's just the OM that isn't.

It's just that he earns significantly more than him, and initially he wanted to stay in the house, but changed his mind very quickly after speaking to his lawyer. I'm happy with 50/50 as I just want it over and done with, despite him earning double what I do, and he has significant income from his own business. I just feel anxious that he has something to use against me down the line for increased access or something. Or say it's my day to have the children on a birthday and he blackmails me into changing arrangements at his request, on the threat of this.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2021 13:09

How long were you married for op?

OhCaptain · 10/01/2021 13:10

I don’t understand this. Did you actually cheat? But in a different country?

And what exactly is he threatening you with? If you’ve been googling random properties and recipes it’s hardly incriminating?

Bluntness100 · 10/01/2021 13:10

Then just agree no fault and fifty fifty.

littlebirdworrying · 10/01/2021 13:12

What could he possibly be have to use against you? Clearly you are worrying about something you searched?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/01/2021 13:19

Unless you created or searched for child abuse images or ways to harm your children, whatever he found is incredibly unlikely to meet the threshold of affecting your custody agreement.

Men who have committed domestic violence offences often get unsupervised access to their own children for example, even when the children have been witness to the offences.

Honestly, the threshold is so high for removing access to kids.

I would speak to your solicitor and ask if the fact he has committed the offence under the computer misuse act and attempted blackmail if enough of a negotiation point to agree to still file under adultery but share custody 50/50.

But do not let on about that to him directly. All through solicitors only.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/01/2021 13:20

*is enough not id enough

CrazyToast · 10/01/2021 13:24

I don't think he has anything against you. People search for all sorts. Men watch god knows what type of porn. He cant use this against you. A UK divorce wouldn't impact a guy in another country, it's not like our divorce offices will ring up the embassy in that country and say 'did you know xxxx allegedly had an affair'.

He is just trying to rattle you and throw you off. Hold the line, OP.

SnoozyBoozy · 10/01/2021 13:33

@littlebirdworrying

I'm not sure why you don't want the 50/50 split? Did he have the affair or you?

I think what the op is saying is that she's happy for them to share custody 50/50 but that the husband doesn't want the financials to go 50/50, but because the op only works part time and doesn't have savings, that would out her in a difficult position) regardless of the fact that she'd be entitled to 50/50 I believe). So the husband is blackmailing her to say if she doesn't change her mind about the 50/50 financial split, he will reveal stuff he's allegedly seen in her Google search history.

Op, I get the feeling you know the sort of thing he might find, which is why you're worrying. I'm guessing it's not just Mumsnet and Rightmove for example...

But like PPs said, unless it was illegal, or something like how to commit suicide (which might bring into question your mental health), there shouldn't be anything to worry about, and he is the one in the wrong for blackmailing you. You need to mention the blackmail to your solicitor as otherwise, he will always potentially have something over you.

I don't think the OM has any bearing in any of this.

Wanderlusto · 10/01/2021 13:38

Pft, take him to the cleaners.
He cant prove any of it was YOUR search history and even if he could, its mega creepy (possibly illeagal) that he accessed your account without your knowledge or permission, pretty sure a judge would focus on that rather than dodgy stuff you may or may not have googled at 1am on a wine or two.

Kittykat93 · 10/01/2021 13:42

Unless you've been searching for illegal content I cant see how he could blackmail you with your search history?

Flip

1 2 3