Husband blackmail and Search History

[Confused94]

Registered as a new user for this but I've been a Mumsnet member for a long time.

My husband and I are the early stages of divorce. We have two children under 10 and we've agreed between us that he will file on the grounds of adultery. However, due to where the adultery took place (i.e. another country) and the implications of admitting it, I'm seeking legal advice about that.

However, STBXH accessed my Google account and has saved all my photos, search history etc has threated me that he will used this as evidence that I'm not of sound mind and an unfit parent, unless I agree to a fast divorce, 50/50 split of possessions and equity in the house.

Can he threaten this? I changed my passwords and cleared my search history on my Google account as soon as I got the alert that my account had been accessed, so I can't actually check what he may have seen, but I'm really worried, I Google all sorts of random things! I have no idea what he might have in mind to use

If he threatened you in a text message or similar then he has commited a crime.

It’s a little confusing but regardless of his finances- you caused this to happen - you cheated on him - why would you think you would be entitled to more than 50/50? So what if he is in a better financial position than you. You put yourself in this position. I can’t see any reason why he should have his marriage wreaked by his wife cheating on him and then her trying to wreck him financially too. Or have I got the wrong end of the stick? Sorry if i have.

Pp has a fair point to. Blackmail and invasion of privacy are illegal. Tell him that. Tell him in person that he has committed a crime and you will be reporting him to the police should his harassment continue.

@Wanderlusto

Pp has a fair point to. Blackmail and invasion of privacy are illegal. Tell him that. Tell him in person that he has committed a crime and you will be reporting him to the police should his harassment continue.

I wouldn't do this as everything now should go through their solicitors - that is the best way for OP to safeguard herself.

Wasn’t there a thread on here while go where a lady had found her husband has cheated on her with her best friend - advice was given to take photos of everything

Struggling to reply on my phone because the page jumps around when I'm typing so I'll reply properly on my laptop later.

I just want to clarify that it's nothing illegal or immoral, maybe YouTube conspiracy rabbit holes, gossip sites, cosmopolitan sex tips, that sort of thing!

If he has savings (and pension?) or you dropped to part time work for childcare reasons, then 50/50 of the house and possessions is not in fact 50/50 when everything is considered. I expect you're entitled to more, such as 50% of the savings. I think he knows this and is trying to bully you into accepting a lower amount by threatening you. If his suggestion/offer is so reasonable why does he feel the need to threaten you?

I doubt he has anything on you anyway. If you have evidence of the threats perhaps you could divorce him on the grounds of being an arsehole or something. Does there have to be a reason? Are people not allowed to just agree to divorce because they no longer want to remain married? I can see how admitting to something that's a crime in the country it happened might not be a good idea.

@Archersandlemonade

Wasn’t there a thread on here while go where a lady had found her husband has cheated on her with her best friend - advice was given to take photos of everything

I hear you! It's so frustrating people tell others to get into partners emails / phones etc when they suspect cheating.

I understand morally they have been (or feel they have been if just a suspicion) 'more' wronged, but in the eyes of the law it is a crime to access someone else's computerised information without authority - under the Computer Misuse Act.

Again, I understand their anger and that people want to support them emotionally but so often they are literally encouraging someone to commit a crime.

I saw a thread once where a poster was encouraged to guess passwords to get into her husbands work emails even though he works with sensitive data. Could have led to a criminal conviction for her (as he would have to report a data breach) and a disciplinary for him - so both could be less employable, putting their financial stability and children's stability at stake.

I understand the impulse and the anger but people encourage posters to break the law and it's so irresponsible.

@Confused94

Struggling to reply on my phone because the page jumps around when I'm typing so I'll reply properly on my laptop later.

I just want to clarify that it's nothing illegal or immoral, maybe YouTube conspiracy rabbit holes, gossip sites, cosmopolitan sex tips, that sort of thing!

I don't know how you could possibly think any of that would be enough for him to convince a judge you are an unfit? The threshold is SO high. He's nowhere near it and he's broken the law accessing your emails and again blackmailing you. Please, please go through your solicitor from now on.

@Wanderlusto

Pp has a fair point to. Blackmail and invasion of privacy are illegal. Tell him that. Tell him in person that he has committed a crime and you will be reporting him to the police should his harassment continue.

Technically a crime may have been committed but you wouldn't get anywhere with the police on this one - he would just say the OP gave him her passwords during their marriage, then it would be her word against his and that would not make a strong enough case to take to court.

Its extremely hard to see how someone's search history could be used to show they were not of sound mind or an unfit parent. Courts are very reluctant to deny access to birth parents and they would not do this without corroborating evidence and an opinion from an appropriate professional, doctor etc.

He doesnt need to know that though. Sometimes just telling someone what they have done is illeagal and you wont be slow to report them is enough to get them to back down.

@Confused94 but then you literally have nothing to worry about. He can’t blackmail you with celeb gossip and sex tips.

Two things are important here.

1/ The op would probably be entitled to more than 50% of the assets, judging by what she has said.

2/ Judges don't make morals into account when splitting assets. They will only consider the earning potential and circumstances of the people involved.

The op may be worried about this blackmail, but it sounds like the husband has nothing to blackmail her with and his behaviour will be considered far worse.

@Wanderlusto

He doesnt need to know that though. Sometimes just telling someone what they have done is illeagal and you wont be slow to report them is enough to get them to back down.

And he's threatened her with what he found, blackmailing her. If he's done that in any form of messages then there is a paper trail to show the offence committed.

@Archersandlemonade

Wasn’t there a thread on here while go where a lady had found her husband has cheated on her with her best friend - advice was given to take photos of everything

Not for blackmailing but to have facts in hands. The problem is cheaters lie and gaslight and sometimes the only way to get the truth is to access their phones/emails. Again, not for blackmailing but for getting the facts.

Right then, so there's nothing illegal for him to find, then he is purely trying to intimidate you into giving up more than you should in the divorce. He's the one actually doing something illegal by trying to blackmail you.

Why you are divorcing, your adultery, is irrelevant to the financial settlements which is probably why he's scrabbling around to try to strong-arm you into a poor deal.

And it is a poor deal if you are and have been part-time to facilitate his career at the expense of your own for childcare reasons and if you have sacrificed career opportunities for the sake of the family unit.

I would strongly suggest you do not agree to 50/50 but go for a larger proportion as you will need to house and support your children, and it is in their interests that you are able to provide financial and housing stability.

But isn’t the OP the cheater here? That’s why they are divorcing?

I may have got this completely wrong

@tropicalwaterdiver

Accessing any computerised information without the authority of the owner is literally a crime under the Computer Misuse Act. It is.

The blackmail is a secondary crime. The unauthorised access is still a crime, whether done by an abusive partner or a wronged one. It unequivocally is.

OP being the cheater is irrelevant to the financial settlements in a divorce.

Don’t be be pushed into this. Go back to your solicitor. I got over 70% in a similar situation.

Have you even looked at his pension?

I just feel anxious that he has something to use against me down the line for increased access or something. Or say it's my day to have the children on a birthday and he blackmails me into changing arrangements at his request, on the threat of this.

I think in this case you need to be getting a child arrangement order in place to protect you from him being an arse about when contact is in the future.

Bold fail 🤦‍♀️

@category12

OP being the cheater is irrelevant to the financial settlements in a divorce.

Exactly.

Op are you the one who cheated? I find it a bit bold of you tbh. If you'd cheated on me I wouldn't want you to have anything either.

@Plasticfish

Op are you the one who cheated? I find it a bit bold of you tbh. If you'd cheated on me I wouldn't want you to have anything either.

That's all very well, but they have 2 children under 10 together, who need housing and financial support. This is why the law doesn't take any notice of who is considered at fault in a divorce, because it is not about revenging yourself on your spouse, it's about doing the right thing by the children.