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Relationships

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Original poster

Husband blackmail and Search History

63 replies

Confused94 · 10/01/2021 11:47

Registered as a new user for this but I've been a Mumsnet member for a long time.

My husband and I are the early stages of divorce. We have two children under 10 and we've agreed between us that he will file on the grounds of adultery. However, due to where the adultery took place (i.e. another country) and the implications of admitting it, I'm seeking legal advice about that.

However, STBXH accessed my Google account and has saved all my photos, search history etc has threated me that he will used this as evidence that I'm not of sound mind and an unfit parent, unless I agree to a fast divorce, 50/50 split of possessions and equity in the house.

Can he threaten this? I changed my passwords and cleared my search history on my Google account as soon as I got the alert that my account had been accessed, so I can't actually check what he may have seen, but I'm really worried, I Google all sorts of random things! I have no idea what he might have in mind to use

OP posts:

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/01/2021 14:58

@Plasticfish

Op are you the one who cheated? I find it a bit bold of you tbh. If you'd cheated on me I wouldn't want you to have anything either.

What about their shared children? You'd want their other parent to walk away without 'anything' despite them needing to also house them 50% of the time? Poor kids.

wantmorenow · 10/01/2021 15:05

Deny. Deny. Deny.

If he has access to your history, then he could have carried out the searches in the history. Therefore they prove nothing. Ignore.

Regarding the adultery, unless there is an overwhlemingly great reason to agree to these grounds then also deny. Unreasonable behaviour is the go to in this country and less acrimonious.

Windmillwhirl · 10/01/2021 15:19

Do not cave, absolutely not. What a vindictive bully.

Stay strong. How can he prove it was you looking up anything? What a joke. He would be laughed out of court. I'd go after everything you can.

OhCaptain · 10/01/2021 15:20

@Windmillwhirl

Do not cave, absolutely not. What a vindictive bully.

Stay strong. How can he prove it was you looking up anything? What a joke. He would be laughed out of court. I'd go after everything you can.

There’s probably some hurt from his wife cheating too. The situation could calm with time.

YellowBeryl · 10/01/2021 15:29

As a pp said can he prove it is your search history? He has accessed your accounts to steal your info, who's to say he hasn't manipulated your search history as well. Just saying. Good Luck Not condoning the adultery.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/01/2021 15:36

@YellowBeryl

As a pp said can he prove it is your search history? He has accessed your accounts to steal your info, who's to say he hasn't manipulated your search history as well. Just saying. Good Luck

Not condoning the adultery.

OP doesn't need to worry about the search history if what she has shared is true - she's done absolutely nothing to reach the threshold of anyone questioning her fitness to be a parent. The threshold is so, so, so high. Her adultery doesn't affect her fitness to be a parent either. She just needs to give all info to her solicitor and communicate through him or her from now on.

Archersandlemonade · 10/01/2021 16:20

@category12

OP being the cheater is irrelevant to the financial settlements in a divorce.

Yes I get that. But all the advice given on here - I wonder if it would be the same if it were the wife who had been cheated on. Pretty sure she’d. be being advised to act the same way the husband is.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/01/2021 16:23

I hear you @Archersandlemonade as all too often people are advised to hack / snoop etc. I personally always try to inform posters who want to access their husbands email / phone without authority that it is illegal.

category12 · 10/01/2021 16:29

Go through his internet history, blackmail and threaten him with trying to prove him an unfit parent? I sincerely doubt it.

It's not the other way round, the OP came asking advice/feedback, not the ex. It's not a forum for addressing both sides of every argument, it's for responding to the OP's posts.

chocolatepie2012 · 10/01/2021 16:34

Threats are the norm in a messy divorce. The lawyers just want your money so don't throw them too many silly situations to fight over. No one cares at the end of the day unless someone is in danger.
Good luck x

Whiskysoda · 10/01/2021 16:39

Tell your solicitor that your ex is attempting to blackmail you.

saracorona · 10/01/2021 16:43

He's trying it on, he's bullying you, he's doing illegal acts. Speak to your solicitor, even the mention of a blackmail attempt by either partner will go down very badly in any UK family court.

growinggreyer · 10/01/2021 17:10

Just because you have a verbal agreement that he is going to divorce you, doesn't mean that has to happen. You can file yourself for irretrievable breakdown of marriage, just think of a few grounds eg he has left the marriage, he has not spoken to you for x months, you have not had marital relations in x months etc. It would take the wind out of his sails and stop him thinking that the divorce can be used to punish you.

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