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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How would you feel..

59 replies

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 01:23

Hey guys
Just wanted a safe space to open about my marriage.

So my husband opened his own company few months ago, hes been out for work since 9am today . Around 8pm i called to ask when he's back for dinner he replied hes off to see someone's car an hour away. Its 1am called him and told him it's been ages where are you. . Told me he's gone to pick some work bits from his office. Im bit frustrated as he comes home nearly everyday around 10pm, eats, sees kids, showers and sleeps. Totally has messed up the kids and mine routine we have 2 daughters under 3. I was in the middle of a serious conversation about how he should be coming back home on time, its lockdown and we cant go nowhere, kids dont go sleep as the routine is messed up and id like him to be here to help me a bit around dinner times.

He was acting as if someone was in the background, i asked him to why he keeps having so many new females on his business account, as to last time there were almost naked women on his account. Told me these women might be his potential clients for the businesses nothing else and if i keep questioning he will remove me. Hes been lying to me about his where abouts few times now.. Petty lies. Promised me he will never will lie again

I told him how he needs to separate work and family life cause its getting a bit unfair and he hangs up on me whilst im in tears. I feel so lonely theses times i just want a cuddle, i want someone to chat to about the day in bed or watch a movie or just even hold hands and fall asleep, but im here wondering why he's just not listened to my concern and hanged up and now not even answering

Urgh dont know what to do

OP posts:
MarkRuffaloCrumble · 10/01/2021 01:27

He’s checked out. He’s either having affairs or at least fantasising about them with the half naked women on his business account. How very unprofessional (unless his business is somehow related to strippers or something!)

If he was bothered about spending time with you and your DDs he would be there. I’d let him go and find someone who does want to spend time with you, sorry.

You deserve to feel loved and cherished. He’s not doing that. You shouldn’t be lonely in your marriage Flowers

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 01:30

@MarkRuffaloCrumble the naked women are gone but its just lots of new women.

Keeps telling me id be the reason for his businesses Turning sour if i dont stop the mourning x

OP posts:
Kisskiss · 10/01/2021 01:32

Why are there lots of women on his business account, is this normal for his line of work , or suspicious?

Krazynights34 · 10/01/2021 01:33

What’s his business?

Krazynights34 · 10/01/2021 01:33

I mean, it can’t involve almost naked women and picking up cars??

Krazynights34 · 10/01/2021 01:35

Op - in your heart of hearts you know he’s up to no good.
Can you leave/ask him to leave?

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 01:44

@Krazynights34 my heart tells me he dont care about my feeling's much, my gut instinct tells me hes been playing me for a long time which is horrible, but then im thinking am i just feeling like that because of the petty lies in the past or is my minds playing tricks. Dont know what to feel

OP posts:
Serena21 · 10/01/2021 01:46

Ive asked him to leave many times, he just doesn't, goes in the guest room. I did pack his stuff, took the keys few months ago as he lied about his whereabouts. He went for 4 days and wormed way back in.

He just thinks cause he has the keys it's ok i can treat our home as a hotel

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/01/2021 01:48

Change the locks and leave his shit outside. He's checked out and is up to no good.

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 01:51

@Aquamarine1029 tried calling him like im a mad women, no answer.

Feel so shit

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 10/01/2021 01:58

Get rid of the lying bastard, op. Don't allow him to drag you down. Take control.

truetuesdays · 10/01/2021 02:08

He is still not home?!??

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 02:11

@truetuesdays nope he's not

OP posts:
truetuesdays · 10/01/2021 02:12

Oh Jesus you poor thing. I hope you hear from him soon.

A serious discussion needs to be had.

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 02:15

@truetuesdays he used to do this to me alot when my 1st was born
My 2nd is 4 months.

Terrible

OP posts:
dodgem · 10/01/2021 02:18

Where is he tonight? What job does he do? X

MsDogLady · 10/01/2021 02:19

Told me these women may be his potential clients....Hes been lying to me about his where abouts few times now.

This is terrible, Serena. Your lying H is taking you for a fool with the ‘potential clients’ garbage. He is acting like a single man and is pursuing other women. He is no longer committed to your marriage and is treating you (and in turn the girls) with utter contempt.

Get angry and send him away. Strengthen your boundaries and don’t let him worm his way back in. You and your little daughters deserve much better than this arrogant, unreliable liar.

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 02:20

@dodgemm im not sure where he is now. Mechanical

OP posts:
dodgem · 10/01/2021 02:23

Not much mechanical needs to be out this late on a weekend especially 😥 and if it was work he should be open and clear really. Don't put up with it 😢

Sunflower1970 · 10/01/2021 02:26

You’re living the life of a single parent so will be a lot less stressful to formalize the arrangement. He is using and abusing you and is obviously messing around. Get rid xx

Justa47 · 10/01/2021 02:47

@Serena21

Hi are you ok?
Did he come back?

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 02:49

@Justa47 hey i am ok, thanks 4 asking.. . No Hes switched his phone off toSad

OP posts:
Sassysally12 · 10/01/2021 02:55

Oh bless you OP, from an outsider it seems obvious he’s with another woman. Nobody would want their car fixing in the middle of the night, leave a bag in the door step for him and lock the doors. We re in the middle of a pandemic he’s actually
Putting you and the kids at risk by being around these other women too!! Xxx

hillaryshog · 10/01/2021 02:56

What a wanker op

Shudawuda · 10/01/2021 02:58

There is absolutely no where he could be working tonight, sorry sweetheart but he’s in someone else’s bed and putting you and the kids at risk of infection.

You need him to be gone!

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