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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How would you feel..

59 replies

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 01:23

Hey guys
Just wanted a safe space to open about my marriage.

So my husband opened his own company few months ago, hes been out for work since 9am today . Around 8pm i called to ask when he's back for dinner he replied hes off to see someone's car an hour away. Its 1am called him and told him it's been ages where are you. . Told me he's gone to pick some work bits from his office. Im bit frustrated as he comes home nearly everyday around 10pm, eats, sees kids, showers and sleeps. Totally has messed up the kids and mine routine we have 2 daughters under 3. I was in the middle of a serious conversation about how he should be coming back home on time, its lockdown and we cant go nowhere, kids dont go sleep as the routine is messed up and id like him to be here to help me a bit around dinner times.

He was acting as if someone was in the background, i asked him to why he keeps having so many new females on his business account, as to last time there were almost naked women on his account. Told me these women might be his potential clients for the businesses nothing else and if i keep questioning he will remove me. Hes been lying to me about his where abouts few times now.. Petty lies. Promised me he will never will lie again

I told him how he needs to separate work and family life cause its getting a bit unfair and he hangs up on me whilst im in tears. I feel so lonely theses times i just want a cuddle, i want someone to chat to about the day in bed or watch a movie or just even hold hands and fall asleep, but im here wondering why he's just not listened to my concern and hanged up and now not even answering

Urgh dont know what to do

OP posts:
Shudawuda · 10/01/2021 02:59

Lock the doors from inside leave him a bag outside and tell him to fuck off

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 03:00

@Sassysally12 exactly in a pandemic to..

I don't have double lock so can't even do that. Shit situation right now

OP posts:
Sassysally12 · 10/01/2021 03:06

Is there a chair you can push under the door handle so that it won’t open? Or keep a key in the other side? (Hard to know what works on different peoples doors!) it’s a shit situation but it’s only going to get worse if he’s already being so blatant about it. I mean it’s 3am in a pandemic and he’s not home when everywhere else is closed, he’s not even trying to be discreet. While you at hone worrying and with his children what a shit. Are you able to leave him? Do you have support in real life? Friends family etc xx

Justa47 · 10/01/2021 03:18

@Serena21

I think some of the other posters are right.
You seem strong to it’s time to have a big discussion.
Plan what you need to ask and say.
Writing the questions down helps
And do have a bag packed for him.

Good luck

Hawkins001 · 10/01/2021 03:28

What does the business involve in doing ?

popsydoodle4444 · 10/01/2021 03:38

I'd say he's currently in the company of another woman;out late most evenings,shady about his whereabouts and has form for this type of behaviour.What a complete shithead.It's not you but definitely him.He's selfish and egotistical.

justilou1 · 10/01/2021 03:42

Call the police and report him

Anordinarymum · 10/01/2021 03:44

What a horrible situation to be in. It does sound as if he is not being honest and if that is the case you have to ask yourself why.

No advice from me as I don't know the facts but he is being a twat

GeorgiaGirl52 · 10/01/2021 04:10

You know in your heart that he is with another woman. She may be a girlfriend or a paid escort, but he is definitely cheating on you and lying to you.

You may want to let him back in for hand-holding and cuddling, but you are a mother of two little girls and they come first.
Be strong. Pack him out. Throw him out. Take back the key. Take back your life. And see your GP to be tested for sexually transmitted diseases.
There is a person out there who will respect you, love your children, and build a family for all of you.

AnyFucker · 10/01/2021 04:15

He is fucking around. This means he is risking your sexual health.

For Gods sake do not get pregnant again and get shut of this idiot. You will never have any peace of mind....he clearly doesn't give a shit about you or his kids.

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 05:26

Hes home. Stinks of drink.
Told him 2 leave and ofcourse refused

OP posts:
justilou1 · 10/01/2021 05:33

I need to be blunt also. You need to get yourself a full STD work up as well. Sorry.

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 05:54

Been blocked of his business account cause of my possessiveness 😐

OP posts:
Gotthetshirt23 · 10/01/2021 06:12

He's checked out.
Does he do anything with your daughters ?
Sorry but if he smells of drink is he drink driving?
Report him . Though that may mean he's home permanently....

GeorgiaGirl52 · 10/01/2021 06:18

Take his house keys while he is asleep.

The next time he leaves the house, pack his bags and set them out.
If he comes home drunk or tries to force his way in, call the police.

justilou1 · 10/01/2021 07:05

You should have changed his account numbers last night. You need to get a solicitor ASAP.

Doingitaloneandproud · 10/01/2021 07:21

It sounds awful, he really sounds up to no good, what on earth could need doing for work at that time and also with alcohol. He's been doing something else that's for sure. I'm so sorry, how do you feel this morning?
I would tell him you want him to leave but be aware as he is your husband you can't force him to, nor can you change the locks. As you are married it is his legal home too. You need to see a solicitor.

honkifyourtired · 10/01/2021 07:25

Wow I'm so sorry OP. He sounds like a total Wanker to be honest. I would be getting my ducks in a row. His behaviour is totally unreasonable.

Nomoresleeps · 10/01/2021 07:33

Out half the night during a lockdown? You know what he’s doing and he doesn’t care. What a horrible way to treat you.

MsDogLady · 10/01/2021 07:43

Possessiveness? Is that what he calls your reasonable expectation that he be faithful, honest, reliable, kind and fair?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/01/2021 08:46

@Nomoresleeps

Out half the night during a lockdown? You know what he’s doing and he doesn’t care. What a horrible way to treat you.
This.

Did he drive home OP?

He's risked not only his life but that of anyone else on the roads - drivers and pedestrians.

He's shown a total disregard for you and your kids' health being out and about during a global pandemic when told to stay home unless necessary.

He has also shown a total disregard for your feelings. People do not do that to people they love.

He doesn't love you and the way he's acting implies he doesn't even like you.

You 100% need to leave this man.

Catty1720 · 10/01/2021 09:49

Sadly @Serena21 I think you know what’s going on here. The question is do you want to carry on being treated like this or do you want to do something about it? He’s doing it because he can because your letting him he thinks he can get away with it.

Justa47 · 10/01/2021 09:56

@Serena21

Yes I think you need to kick him out really.
No one who loves their partner keeps them in the dark and comes hime at 5.30am

MLM268 · 10/01/2021 10:17

I'm so sorry OP. I've been where you are and it's awful. What pisses me off most is him acting like it's in your head and that you're possessive when it's quite obvious what he's been doing.

Marmozet3 · 10/01/2021 10:25

Please change the locks OP the next time he is out.

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