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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How would you feel..

59 replies

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 01:23

Hey guys
Just wanted a safe space to open about my marriage.

So my husband opened his own company few months ago, hes been out for work since 9am today . Around 8pm i called to ask when he's back for dinner he replied hes off to see someone's car an hour away. Its 1am called him and told him it's been ages where are you. . Told me he's gone to pick some work bits from his office. Im bit frustrated as he comes home nearly everyday around 10pm, eats, sees kids, showers and sleeps. Totally has messed up the kids and mine routine we have 2 daughters under 3. I was in the middle of a serious conversation about how he should be coming back home on time, its lockdown and we cant go nowhere, kids dont go sleep as the routine is messed up and id like him to be here to help me a bit around dinner times.

He was acting as if someone was in the background, i asked him to why he keeps having so many new females on his business account, as to last time there were almost naked women on his account. Told me these women might be his potential clients for the businesses nothing else and if i keep questioning he will remove me. Hes been lying to me about his where abouts few times now.. Petty lies. Promised me he will never will lie again

I told him how he needs to separate work and family life cause its getting a bit unfair and he hangs up on me whilst im in tears. I feel so lonely theses times i just want a cuddle, i want someone to chat to about the day in bed or watch a movie or just even hold hands and fall asleep, but im here wondering why he's just not listened to my concern and hanged up and now not even answering

Urgh dont know what to do

OP posts:
Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 10/01/2021 12:57

Unfortunately, if the house is also in his name, you can't just change the locks like people on here keep suggesting. He has a legal right to enter his own house.
He sounds like a total dick. Doesnt care that you know he's cheating, and sounds like he's always been like this. Time for a divorce.

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 13:41

Thanks guys. As usual im getting the blame that's im very nagging.
He apparently was with his mate and he didn't want to listen to my problem so he switched his phone off.

Hes always been this way and this morning is just taking it as a joke

He wont leave cant force him either as we're joint tenets but i might have to make arrangements cause i cant take being disrespected and crying all night of his whereabouts or what i said wrong anymore

OP posts:
Sassysally12 · 10/01/2021 13:51

Exactly, get your ducks in a row and leave. He knows you know where he was, where would he be with a friend until that time? Which is also breaking the rules. If he was telling the truth he would have rang Z friend in front of you and put them on speaker phone and said can you confirm what we did last night... he also said he was working so he’s getting caught up in his own lies. My ex used to stay out all night his problem wasn’t women it was seshes and drugs with friends but he would stay out all night out of the blue and I would worry sick every time even though you know they are just being selfish twats there’s always that part of your brain that thinks but what iffff he’s dead in a ditch somewhere?? Sadly he didn’t stop he only got worse, and the replies are often the same ‘ your crazy, your paranoid, none of my friends partners moan like you do’ typical narc behaviour, we are always to blame for their behaviour. Make a better life for yourself without this selfish pig putting yours and your daughters health at risk xx

unbotheredbutbewildered · 10/01/2021 13:51

@Serena21- sorry hit send to soon!

Even if he was ‘with a mate’ the way he treated you was cruel.

However, you still haven’t said what his business was...unless you do we don’t have the full story so we really can’t help properly!

NotTheMrMenAgain · 10/01/2021 14:20

Oh that's awful - he's an utter arsehole. I ended my long marriage over the summer after I discovered he'd been cheating for years with various mistresses. He worked away a lot, so I didn't really notice at first - but for the past couple of years he became progressively less engaged in family life and distant. So I know what it's like to be lonely in a marriage - it's heartbreaking when the person you should be able to talk to about anything and everything is sitting right there, but you can't talk because they're not interested and just don't care. I could be wrong, but you sound like you might be a fair bit younger than me (45) so you've got plenty of time to make a happier, better life for yourself and your DDs. I promise you that's better to be lonely as a single woman than to be lonely in a marriage. You and your girls deserve much better than this, is isn't a healthy relationship for them to learn from. I think the best thing you can possibly get from your DH is his absence!

Serena21 · 10/01/2021 16:35

I left came to my support bubble. I dont know if I've done the right thing. I don't know what's going to happen about my housing situation Confused

OP posts:
willowmelangell · 10/01/2021 16:46

Your update is such good news! Can you switch your phone off and concentrate on settling yourself and dd's for now?

BlueThistles · 10/01/2021 17:21

Good in you for leaving 🌺

dodgem · 11/01/2021 01:48

How are you doing? Xxx

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