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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help for tonight please

88 replies

Erin36 · 08/01/2021 14:16

My partner and I have separated, a main issue being that I spent my own savings largely on an embarrassing health problem that I didn’t want to discuss. I told my partner about this on New Year’s Eve after we were chatting about other issues in our relationship.

My partner is coming up for a chat tonight. My partner is the love of my life abs also pregnant (same sex relationship). How can I get her to stay with me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Erin36 · 08/01/2021 14:40

She doesn’t think I consider her feelings because my ex husband won’t agree to her suggestion of the routine. I have always listened to her feelings at the detriment of my relationship with my ex. But ultimately I do what is best for my daughter - it’s not a case of bowing down to him

OP posts:
Newwayofthinking · 08/01/2021 14:43

@Erin36

BecAuse she is hurt that I hid something from her when we could have saved together for the treatment.

She is also shocked that she thought I had savings set up for our future and now they have gone

Where is her savings
FreyaFromTheFens · 08/01/2021 14:43

You again! Hmm FFS you seem to have a falling out over the most mundane things that should be easily resolvable and keep mentioning the issue she has with your ex.

You have had more advice than everyone else that has ever posted in the history of mumsnet combined but continue to make new threads that are only slightly different from the last asking for more advice.

Just talk to her about things without needing others to tell you how.

Lemonpiano · 08/01/2021 14:43

I know it's painful, but it is for the best that this controlling relationship ends. (I too recognised you from previous posts).

The last thing you should be doing is begging to resume the relationship.

Rockinmomma · 08/01/2021 14:44

So you’re stuck in the middle of your DP and ex disputing access? Is there resentment between the 2? If there is it’s really not your responsibility. No one expects exs and current DPs to be best friends but they should respect your feelings.
What do you want OP? You need to start sticking up for yourself!

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2021 14:44

She doesn’t think I consider her feelings because my ex husband won’t agree to her suggestion of the routine.

I would tell her that I agree with her. You don't consider her feelings about your daughter's routine because it's none of her damn business. Her feeling about it are irrelevant. She's got a lot of nerve to interfere with your parenting choices concerning your child.

JorisBonson · 08/01/2021 14:51

I remember your posts now.

Didn't you think that true love conquers all? Unfortunately, it doesn't.

Original poster
Erin36 · 08/01/2021 14:52

It is legally my child she is pregnant with too. We went through the process together. Been together 3.5 years and engaged.

My daughter adores her and they have such a lovely relationship.

She is currently staying with her mother and myself and my daughter are still living on the family home (which we rent off her parents). Ultimately, we will need to move out and my partner will move back in here.

OP posts:
Dery · 08/01/2021 14:52

OP - you’ve posted about this relationship before.

When you talked about how your partner was behaving around your shared custody arrangements, everyone told you she sounded controlling. Then you posted that she had ended it and insisted there was no future to the relationship. Now there’s some story that the insurmountable problem is what you spent sorting out your body hair.

Everything about this relationship sounds unnecessarily intense and faintly unhinged. And you always seem to be the one trying to appease her. Relationships shouldn’t be this hard, OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2021 14:56

How is the baby legally your child? It hasn't even been born yet.

Original poster
Erin36 · 08/01/2021 14:59

Because I signed all the forms for parental responsibility through the process.

Despite these issues we have had the happiest of relationships and it was crazy love at first site. Not many people experience what we have had - like something out a film. We have an insane connection

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2021 15:02

Not many people experience what we have had - like something out a film. We have an insane connection

I'm sorry, op, but you're going on like a silly school girl. The nonsense you see in movies isn't reality, is it? If you truly have such an "insane connection", you wouldn't be where you are now.

pog100 · 08/01/2021 15:08

Insane is the right word for this sort of relationship. I wish you could try a nice, comfortable, caring, supportive, emotionally understanding sort of slow burning relationship. They are much better.

FamBae · 08/01/2021 15:10

I remember your last post, she wanted to separate because of custody issues with your dd and your ex. didn't you suggest that she may have mental health issues, and that her mum had suggested you would be better off separating?
Sadly I think whatever way you spin this, the advice you receive on here will still be the same and I also think that either A. she is really over sensitive, B. she is a control freak or C. just maybe she really doesn't want to be with you and is using any excuse to let you down gently. Whichever non look very promising do they.

JorisBonson · 08/01/2021 15:11

@Erin36

Because I signed all the forms for parental responsibility through the process.

Despite these issues we have had the happiest of relationships and it was crazy love at first site. Not many people experience what we have had - like something out a film. We have an insane connection

You sound like a teenager. This is not real life.
JerichosPenisInADeadChickHat · 08/01/2021 15:13

Until the baby is born and you're on the birth certificate it isn't your baby.

Unless a lot has changed since last year when my friends went through the same process.

You might as well knock this on the head, it's not working and all sounds very unsettling for your daughter. Why force this and then your daughter has to go through the thinking she has a sibling etc.

Catty1720 · 08/01/2021 15:13

@Erin36 I have two DSS. Their routine with my DP (their dad) and their mums (different mums) is none of my business to a point. They do what’s best for the boys and I will always support DP in this whether I like it or not. I think you have to expect this when you get involved with someone with children. It’s not my place to say when I have only been with DP for 3 years and he’s had these routines in place for 14!
Also is she just annoyed because the money went? Does she have any savings for the baby?? However movie style your relationship is she sounds a little childish to me. More concerned about the money than you! Maybe it’s just pregnancy stress.

harknesswitch · 08/01/2021 15:16

Your routine is what's best for your dc and not what's best for your partner.

I remember you thread around this and I think most people thought your dp was bu around this issue

Catty1720 · 08/01/2021 15:21

@Erin36 the fact you’ve posted about this relationship before days to me it may not be like the movies at all there are clearly issues which every relationship has but it will only get harder when a baby is added to that. Will she play the card that she carried the baby it gives her more rights?? She seems very controlling.

SunshineCake · 08/01/2021 15:31

@Erin36

Rockinmomma the other issue is she doesn’t like the routine that myaelf abs my ex husband have for our daughter. My partner would offer every other weekend whereas my ex husband doesn’t want to do this - he has our daughter every Friday abs Tuesday. My partner thinks I bow down to him and that I do not listen to her feelings about my daughters routine
Bit ironic since he's trying to control you.

You'd be better off without her and carry on the pleasant relationship you seem to have with your ex.

Has she saved for your future or are you her bank ?

Original poster
Erin36 · 08/01/2021 15:34

She has savings yes abs is very good and generous with helping me with money

OP posts:
Catty1720 · 08/01/2021 15:47

@Erin36 I don’t see what the issue is then. Yea you kept it from her but she’s pregnant did she need the worry?? You can save your savings back up again surely and until then you have hers if your the partnership you say you are it shouldn’t matter. As I’ve said in previous comments could it just be pregnancy stress and worry her hormones may just be clouding things as you’d understand

JorisBonson · 08/01/2021 15:47

I think any useful advice is going to fall on deaf ears here 🙄

Aquamarine1029 · 08/01/2021 15:51

I think any useful advice is going to fall on deaf ears here

I agree. This relationship is over, the op just hasn't accepted it yet.

Original poster
Erin36 · 08/01/2021 15:54

It may sound pathetic but I have made a video of all our photos to our songs that I will be playing to her tonight. So she can think about everuthung she is throwing away

OP posts: