Did you settle?

[Needclarity]

I did. Really wanted DC, knew my DH wasn’t everything I was looking for, but he was kind, reliable and we had good sex. He also made me laugh for a while. Nearly 30 years later, I find him so irritating and stupid, I can barely stand to have a conversation with him. I no longer fancy him, nor find him amusing...The only thing that’s keeping us together is that financially, I’d be worse off without him (we are equal earners) and our DD would have a worse lifestyle. I spend most of my time wondering, ‘What if?’ - thinking about how my life could be, if I actually liked the person I was with. Am I being stupid for staying put? Or just sensible and pragmatic? Anyone in a similar situation?

@Cluas I,'d say far too many men desire a life with a long term partner and children, and seek out someone for themselves - to say that this is all piled on women. Some men settle too. To suggest society thinks men that never have a family are lucky to escape is simply not true. Of course there are advantages to having no children or partner for men and women. I'm not in any way denying patriarchal society and totally understand the 'biological clock' for women who want children. But no-one seems to settle for one of your bachelor playboys living the free life do they? They settle for the man who wants what they do - marriage and children. And it can happen in same sex marriages too. Understanding the motives, even if some of them are also driven by societal norms, doesn't make it okay tho. It's still cruel.

[quote Seadad]@Cluas I,'d say far too many men desire a life with a long term partner and children, and seek out someone for themselves - to say that this is all piled on women. Some men settle too. To suggest society thinks men that never have a family are lucky to escape is simply not true. Of course there are advantages to having no children or partner for men and women. I'm not in any way denying patriarchal society and totally understand the 'biological clock' for women who want children. But no-one seems to settle for one of your bachelor playboys living the free life do they? They settle for the man who wants what they do - marriage and children. And it can happen in same sex marriages too. Understanding the motives, even if some of them are also driven by societal norms, doesn't make it okay tho. It's still cruel.[/quote]
Sure. That’s why the relationships forum on here is clogged with desperate men asking ‘Why won’t she propose? We’ve lived together for seven years and have two children together, but every time I mention marriage or show her pictures of rings, she says she has to do it in her own time!’

No. I waited far later than I would have liked and watched all my friends get married, have kids. You name it. Some of whom now divorced.

Whilst I was undoubtedly lonely and frustrated it wasn't 'happening' for me, it was so worth waiting for.

We didn't have the easiest of starts (DP and I) and when he cancelled on me in the early days I had very clear boundaries and told him where to go... for 6 months!

What resulted was a really equal and balanced relationship with respect. Oh yeah and he's really fit, good communicator and genuinely my best friend. Wouldn't have had it any other way.

I do wish all the years I spent alone I knew this would happen as I won't lie, it was bloody miserable at times. But like most things, worth waiting for.

@Claus - the fact that some women are in relationships where their partner won't commit to them really doesn't make an argument that men don't want families and children does it?
And YES there are men who have proposed to women they have children with who have said not now - I know of two in my own circle. What is your point?