Friends phone conversations - doing housework at the same time!

[MixingMusic]

Maybe this is more an AIBU, but here goes....

I’m in my 50s and have a friend who is nearly always doing housework and other activities when she rings me. I know this because I hear banging of pots and various other crashes and sounds in the background!

I’ve asked if she can stop because I can’t hear properly, but she is dismissive and makes some random excuse and carries on regardless 🤷‍♀️.

I should add, these calls are occasional and often quite personal conversations, eg where she has rung me about a problem. So it’s not general chitchat about the weather.

It’s a small example I know, maybe even petty. But the backdrop to this is I’m feeling pretty discounted by friends generally.

@MixingMusic

She is a bit “hyper”, v physically active, Wibble, so I thought there is maybe a need to be “in motion”.

Probably because of this. I enjoy cleaning and chatting Or walking and talking during a work day to vent or catch up while I have peace I used to have a male friend call and chat as he cleaned around the house it was quite amusing. If you can not hear clearly ask them to switch on a cupps tea and put her feet up?

[quote Purplethrow]@JazzyGeoff , I’m exactly the same! If I didn’t know differently, I’d swear I’d been hypnotised to start polishing stuff every time I hear my phone ring , and it’s always with a sock [/quote]
😂

I think that it's really bad manners. It means that you're not focused on the conversation - so it'd be fine for a quick "What time are we meeting tomorrow?" but totally inappropriate for a long, serious chat.
I just wouldn't continue the conversation.

My sister was like this, when we were in touch. Always doing multiple things. Arrange an evening out, turn up at seven as agreed, find her in a towel with wet hair. I'm just expected to wait as usual.

I found it shallow, thoughtless and rude and it made clear the fact that she prioritised herself over everyone else.

I instinctively think that chatting on the phone while doing housework is perfectly normal and not rude. Most chores don't exactly require much brainpower so it's unfair to accuse someone of not giving you their undivided attention if they're simultaneously washing up or folding laundry on autopilot.

Being able to hear the other person is important though so it would be rude to attempt a phone conversation while hoovering, say. A couple of bangs and crashes wouldn't be an issue for me but if it was constant it'd certainly be reasonable to say sorry, can't hear you, let's talk when it's more convenient. It would also be reasonable if you wanted to talk about something a bit more serious to say so, and the other person should respect that by not multi-tasking.

I've found volume is mostly an issue when people call me while walking down busy roads though - and no one seems to think that's rude?

People who eat while on the phone are horrific.

I had a friend (not a really close friend) who went to the toilet during our conversation.
I couldn’t look her in the face again. It was a combination of embarrassment and heaving.

Some of us are just made that way! I can’t bear to sit still for too long so while on the phone I dust, put away laundry, and generally pace about. Even on video calls (which I hate) I have to doodle or fiddle with something. Dismissiveness is a separate matter.

I have a friend who is always doing something when she rings me: walking, cycling, driving etc. She is a type A who doesn’t like wasting time and perhaps she views an isolated phone call as a waste of time. It’s just the way she is!

I’m
Sorry to hear you’re feeling discounted in general OP. I felt that way with a friend who would take up to a week to reply to texts - I let it mount and mount until one day I let it all out. She was upset. I was upset. We are no longer friends and the friendship break-up hurt me immensely.

So my advice would be to just detach a little from her & immerse yourself in other people or activities — and definitely do as a PP suggested : ‘sorry can’t hear you love! Any chance you can lay down the shovel?!’

I have a job, kids, pets..so I mix housework/dog walking with catching up with friends and family on the phone. Quite often they do too. Not a problem, it's called multitasking - get over yourself

In fairness to OP, loud noises on the other end of the phone aren’t pleasant on the ears.

Saku read the post properly - it’s the noise ff! OP never objected to dog walking, typical obtuse twat you get on AIBU. Perhaps you could “get over yourself” (how rude). Not surprisingly the people defending bashes and bangs all through a conversation and ignoring requests to stop, are the rudest to OP though.

I hope you feel better @MixingMusic
and that you’ll be assertive but kind the next time your mate assaults your ears. A simple ‘OH GOSH! What was that?’ works too. Verbally express your alarm at the noises. I’d find this hard to do, too but others would do it and it works. Best of luck OP. You are worth it. X