Being called a “silly cow” 👀

[Rosemary26]

So, please bear with me, as I’m an American. That’s not a term we use.

My partner has called me this before, after calling me every other name in the book. And his mother, my MIL, has called me that to him.

I don’t understand why, other than to say that they’re both foul. I have never called anyone names. I have done everything I can for him, given him all my love, been faithful. This relationship is nearing being over, as soon as I’m financially equipped. Have at it. Why would they call me this? And to show me a healthy view, how would your partner react to their parent calling you this? Because mine thinks it’s absolutely fine.

Absolutely not ok.

Insulting, degrading, utterly nasty.

And pretty crass too - I don't think much of someone who uses that term. It's pretty misogynistic.

Get rid. Don't discuss it with the pair of silly bovines, just get rid.

'Silly cow' is fairly tame as insults go, but you say he's also called you every name in the book, which shows he's a nasty man, who is not respectful and you're better off without that. Seems he learnt from his disrespectful mother, so he's unlikely to change.

@YoniAndGuy

Thank you for commenting. I feel the same way. Now I won’t regret that I told him I have no respect for his mom as a woman, for the lengths she’s willing to go to to put another woman down.

Depends on how it's said - it's fairly common where I live to use it as a bit of a teasing, playful thing. Like
Me: This stupid parking meter isn't taking my debit card!
Other person: That's because you're trying to use your Nectar card you silly cow!

However, from what you've said this is clearly not being said in a jokey way, it's a straight up insult. So the answer to your question "Why do they do this" is pretty simple: because they don't like you, and they want you to know it.

Glad you're on your way out.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

What a mess this relationship has been. It’s so hurtful. And it bothers me to think that after I leave he might find another woman and do this to her 🥺 I know I can’t stop that, but I wish people like this came with a warning sign attached to their face.

It would be much easier if you were allowed to tattoo "TWAT" on someone's forehead as you left them, wouldn't it?

I dumped a long term boyfriend when he called me a stupid cow with utter contempt in his eye. I’ve now been with someone 12 who has never called me a name and would get the same treatment if he did. Unacceptable.

My husband of nearly 25 years has never called me names, nor have I to him. My parents have never called each other names, and nor have my husband's parents. In our world, the way we were raised, it is simply not acceptable. You may get upset or irritated with your partner, but you do not degrade them.

Well done for making plans to get out of there. The sooner the better.

My husband and I have both said a lot worse to each other, the worst names in fact, in anger. Never meant though.

That's belittling and offensive name calling and my dh would be as shocked as me if his DM used that on me (though it wouldn't surprise me if she had behind our backs but that's another story), my dh had never called me names we manage to disagree and sort it out without needing to. Sorry to hear things are so bad your having to leave.

Don't lower yourself.

Find someone with manners.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Yessss! 🤣 sigh

A pal said this to me: “Start calling them weird shit. Thanks, you happy Rhinoceros! Can you hand me the salt, you little cheese rat? Hey Thumpy Jigglypuff, have you seen my purse? What an odd thing to say, you smiling chimpanzee...“

I about died laughing, imagining that. Can’t say I’m not tempted.

@Onthedunes

Thank you. My 2021 goal is to start having firm boundaries.

@Aquamarine1029

That is so refreshing to hear. Thank you for telling me that, it’s given me hope. Maybe one day I’ll find that healthy environment 💐

@PammieDooveOrangeJoof

I’m proud of you. You’re right, it is unacceptable. I’d rather go on living alone than living with someone who could trash talk me like that.

No, that's not an acceptable thing to say to anyone in a healthy relationship in my view, not even in jest.

I'm very much like @Aquamarine1029. DH and I have been married over 30 years. He wouldn't dream of saying that to me and never has. Not one name, not even once. Our families are the same.

Rosemary, after reading this and your other threads, I can’t wait for you to remove yourself from these two mean-spirited, narcissistic people. Protect your inheritance from their clutches!

Married 30 years, never called each other names....I see no need for it

You should call his dm a silly cow and say 'oh,dh says thats a quaint English term. Am I not using it right?'
50 years ago there was a sitcom called 'till death do us part.' The df character was a racist and misogynistic person and frequently called his wife a silly moo.
Even then they drew the line at cow.

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

Depends on how it's said - it's fairly common where I live to use it as a bit of a teasing, playful thing. Like Me: This stupid parking meter isn't taking my debit card! Other person: That's because you're trying to use your Nectar card you silly cow!

However, from what you've said this is clearly not being said in a jokey way, it's a straight up insult. So the answer to your question "Why do they do this" is pretty simple: because they don't like you, and they want you to know it.

Glad you're on your way out.

This, it absolutely can be said kindly or playfully but it doesn’t sound like it’s been said that way to you. You are therefore doing the right thing IMO. Good luck 💐💐💐

My male British colleagues are in the use of calling women various types a cows. I got called a lucky cow by one of them and I told him sternly not to call me that again. He apologised immediately. It takes a certain type of people to call others cows, I am sorry your family are that kind.