AIBU to be delighted at this?

[Overland]

Didn't want to post in AIBU as I don't feel this warrants the traffic.

My ex has downgraded! After treating me appallingly for quite some time and giving him chance after chance to step up, I finally backed out.

It now seems he has quickly found himself a rebound. Someone who seems utterly desperate, not at all his type and is obviously fully unaware of his bullshit. I won't say anything further as it could be outing.

He's since been sniffing around because, I suspect, he's missing what he had with me and realises replacing me isn't as easy as he thought.

Hasta la Vista, arsehole!

I've deactivated my SM twice recently, he made up new accounts (in his own name) to check I hadn't blocked him. It came up in 'people you may know'. I'm going to delete his number and block him on everything. I just need build up the courage to do it.

I just cannot believe I once thought this was true love.

You can do it! Block anyone who may relay info on you to him as well. Or just don't post anything on social media that you wouldn't want him hearing about.

@SandyY2K In the past when we've split he got stalkerish and acted all devastated. It's as if he won't let go (wants to know he could still have a chance if he could) and this has made it feel hard for me to fully let go. He's repeated this behaviour now that I am properly backing out. I know, it sounds odd.

@Blackdog19

This post does you no favours. Fair enough to say your ex is a cocklodger and you’re better off without him but you sound really bitchy about the new GF.

This, from the sound of it you both deserved each other and this poor woman is better off without either of you.

He sounds thoroughly unpleasant but so do you calling her a downgrade and desperate, like you are the arbiter of what makes people attractive. Absolutely no empathy for you if that's how you decide to describe someone you don't even know. Unfortunate that you seem to hate women so much

@Wanderlusto I intend to avoid him as far as possible. I'm having a break from SM anyway. Blocking will happen in due course.

You're still hung up on this absolute creep. Being bitchy about his new girlfriend isn't going to make you any happier. Delete him from every social media platform and ignore any contact he attempts to make. Tell yourself he's not important and stop caring so much about what he's currently doing.

Just sounds like a defensive response to me. I don't care what he does but really I do. You wouldn't be posting it up here otherwise. It's always a kick in the teeth when an ex finds that next partner. Remaining gracious and respectful is hard to maintain but is better for your self respect.

It sounds like you're the one who can't let go. It's difficult to move on, sometimes even more difficult when you have been treated badly but you need to give yourself a late, great Christmas present and put him behind you for good. You are wasting time and energy on someone you don't need in your life. I hope 2021 is a better year for you.

It does sound like this is all on you op. I think you need to accept and own that you’re deeply jealous he has moved on and is with someone else now. Putting her down, and bigging yourself up isn’t going to change that, it just shines a light on it.

Just to reiterate re: all the Scottish comments.

HE IS FROM SUSSEX.

Whoever mentioned class? He's an IT manager and his Dad is a financial advisor. Not sure if any of these are relevant but people are bringing them up.

@user10987654321user

Just to reiterate re: all the Scottish comments.

HE IS FROM SUSSEX.

Whoever mentioned class? He's an IT manager and his Dad is a financial advisor. Not sure if any of these are relevant but people are bringing them up.

Wrong thread sorry!

Blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make yours shine any brighter.

Your whole delight is based on how crap you perceived her to be.

There is nothing to delight in at your exes life, he has a girlfriend who obviously adores him, and he is off being his usual self, so is clearly quite happy.

You need to move on and stop being so wrapped up in what he is doing.

Downgraded? Are you and his new partner cars 🙄

Downgraded is a mean thing to say

You're projecting lol

It is weird though op. This sort of spiteful jealousy of his girlfriend and exclaiming excitedly he must miss you and find he can’t replace you, is the sort of thing someone does when they have been dumped and are gutted about it. Not when they are the one who ended it and then refused reconciliation.

It does make me wonder if this is exactly as you’ve portrayed it. And it’s maybe he has ended this, moved on, just been friendly to you and you’re now fantasising he wants you back because she’s not as good as you and he will realise what he has lost.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone end a relationship then shout “ oh his partner isn’t as good as me, he must miss me and realise he can’t replace me, so he wants me back, yay! !”

That’s always the person who was dumped and is hoping for reconciliation

Overland, I've been where you are, not the same situation, but left with the same feelings.
Before I met him, I was such a compassionate soul, happy and lovely.
After his poor treatment of me, the same as you, I became like him. Souless and bitter.
Be careful going down this route, you are understandably hurt at what's gone on, but you will begin to hate yourself for what you are becoming.
Look after yourself, hugs from me xx

@Bluntness100 I left him and he immediately rebounded. He's since tried to make an appearance back in my life, more than once.

@Tiny2018 I do sense that I've picked up some ugly traits from him. I need to wash him out of me as @Wanderlusto has advised.

I'm sorry you had to feel this too. Thank you for your kind wishes xx

Why do some people do this? I once had gentle words with my best friend after some truly awful comments about her abusive ex-partners new gf - I knew then as I do now that the comments she made were coming from a place of hurt and anger at him but it really took me aback that she could be quite vicious about some poor woman who she had never met and knowing what she would eventually end up having to deal with from the ex.

Why on earth would you say stuff like that about someone who as a PP pointed out is actually a potential victim of abuse?

When I left my abusive ExH & he met his new gf I worried for her! Do you not worry about her ending up being abused too? Surely you must have some compassion?

This is like the wife who finds out her husband has cheated and takes out all her vitriol on the OW (who like in your scenario may not know what's really going on under the surface with her new bf) - direct your anger where it should be directed - at the abusive man!

Abuse is awful and really messes you up but don't go taking it out on an entirely innocent women who is heading down a dark path with this guy fgs. Definitely look into some therapy.

But serious question why the need to denigrate this poor lassie?

[quote Overland]**@Tiny2018* I do sense that I've picked up some ugly traits from him. I need to wash him out of me as @Wanderlusto* has advised.

I'm sorry you had to feel this too. Thank you for your kind wishes xx[/quote]
Is that possible? How can you pick up ugly traits from someone. You are who you are and need to own it.

[quote Overland]@Staffy1 Reading that has made me cry. I'm so sorry you were put through this. Makes me even more certain to stay single.
[/quote]
@Overland, i think you mean @Loner1 :)

@Loner1 Sorry I got your user name wrong.

*@Staffy1*Reading that has made me cry. I'm so sorry you were put through this. Makes me even more certain to stay single.

@Overland, i think you mean*@Loner1*

With that, I'm now leaving the thread. Thank you to all for the insight.