AIBU to be delighted at this?

[Overland]

Didn't want to post in AIBU as I don't feel this warrants the traffic.

My ex has downgraded! After treating me appallingly for quite some time and giving him chance after chance to step up, I finally backed out.

It now seems he has quickly found himself a rebound. Someone who seems utterly desperate, not at all his type and is obviously fully unaware of his bullshit. I won't say anything further as it could be outing.

He's since been sniffing around because, I suspect, he's missing what he had with me and realises replacing me isn't as easy as he thought.

Hasta la Vista, arsehole!

You seem very invested as to what he's up to and who he's with full stop.
A win on your part is to not give even the slightest fuck who he's kicking about with, thinking you're better than the new gf makes you appear childish.
Grow up, move on, it's not your concern.

Maybe she's not the best looking, but she's really funny and dynamite in bed? So not so much of a "downgrade" in the end.

@staffy1 thank you. I don't think she is a horrible person exactly, just immature. She is 10 years younger than me and very pretty from her (very edited) photos on social media. Her attitude is probably why he was having doubts and still strung me along, (even now he's still sniffing around) so it did her no favours but I do hope she learned something from it all.

@Wanderlusto He made some charming comments when I refused to take him up on his offer of reconciliation. In all likelihood, he's looking for some sort of triangulation. I've been reading up on narcisstic abuse and he's almost textbook narc.

More than likely looking to have you to yoyo back and fourth between the two of you and play you off against eachother yep.

Op, this is quite sad for you. You’re so hung up on him you’re even starting threads gloating his new partner isn’t as good as you.

Try to take some time out for you and focus your mind elsewhere, you’re in a really unhealthy place right now.

Somebody somewhere probably thought you were the downgrade at some point

@Wanderlusto To think I spent so much time with him. And yet here I am still wasting my time on him. I bet he'd be gloating if he knew I'm still wasting my time.

Honestly, I'm thinking of taking up therapy over this. Covid has not made this any easier.

@StormBaby They probably did.

What an odd way of thinking! What might seem a "downgrade" (terrible way to describe anyone) to you might be an upgrade to him. There's also no guarantee that he will treat her badly, just because he treated you badly, maybe she won't entertain what you entertained or maybe they are more compatible. A man/woman can be a complete arse to one person and the complete opposite to another. You read it on here everyday. You sound bitter and sad. Best to let them be and move on.

I think their bitterness and hatred of the world and everything in it rubs off on us if we spend too much time with them. Like a pollutant.

As pps have said, your way of thinking about essentially, his current victim, is not nice. And I wonder if you before him, would have spoken like this of another person. Or if infact, it's him talking.

You gotta...wash that boy right outa your hair xD

@Brot64 Perhaps. He's attempted to reignite things between us. If he's treating her well/better than he treated me he wouldn't be doing that, would he? That's hardly starting a relationship on the right foot.

It only reinforces that I made the right choice to back out of the relationship.

But you’re still really hung up on him. To call another woman “ utterly desperate” whilst you yourself are behaving like this. Bigging yourself up about how he’d rather have you. And how much less she is. It smacks of jealousy. Pure, simple, and utterly desperate Jealously.

Seeking help make me the only way forward if you’ve sunk to this level.

@Wanderlusto I have caught myself taking on some of his traits. I really need to sort myself out, I know this. I can't possibly fall for this kind of thing again.

Overland have a read back.... the damage this man did to you continues.

I doubt you think of yourself as an egotistical, nasty, bad mouthing bitch. But the hurt that is so clear in your posts is matched by a nasty bitterness.

Do yourself a hug favour... back away from him, SM, any contact or knowledge of him, his life. Concentrate on regaining your equilibrium. Work through your feelings until you don't need to project so much onto his newest victim

🌷🌺

@Overland indeed that may be the case. However, you are here posting about what a downgrade and how desperate she is which says more about you than him or her. Some men/women also flip flop between the old and the new for sexual or whatever other reasons. All I am saying is, if you really are well rid of him, you should be looking forwards to your new and exciting life without him not belittling his new partner. It shouldn't even matter to you who he is with or what he's doing.

You sound hurt OP, just trying to make yourself feel a bit better. I wish you well, look after yourself and move on. x

@CuriousaboutSamphire Oh, I agree. I'm questioning myself here big time.

I'm worried about going full NC. I'm worried about what he will do and inevitably bumping into him. What would advise?

@Brot64 I would be looking forward to my new exciting life if it weren't for Covid. Still, I have been working on making the most of what I do have. I'm immensely grateful for all the good in my life.

[quote Overland]@notinthiseconomy In which way? You have no idea what he subjected me to, what he is ALREADY subjecting his new gf too. I do feel sorry for her. But not sorry to say she is desperate and that that alone is a downgrade.[/quote]
You also sound desperate. Why do you care who he is with now? Just move on and live your life, stop looking backwards.

From your thread title I thought he got demoted at work.

Tbh theres nothing he can do... I mean if you block him one place then he may try to contact you another way but if you keep blocking and ignoring then he'll eventually get the picture.

As for bumping into him...he will probably act like you are some old friend that he somehow lost contact with. Their pride doesn't let them acknowledge you ditching them.

But you can just keep walking/say you have some place to be and not be drawn into convo.

There may be a smear campaign where he slaga you off to ppl for a bit. Or he may try to tell your acquaintances he is worried about you or some other such shit but as long as you tell them you dont want to hear it and dont want them to share anything of your life with him then hopefully that'll be that.

Just block and ignore and repeat.

@Overland good, focus on yourself and forget about him. Stop checking up on him and block him. He's not worth all this bitterness. Good luck.

Do you know this woman personally OP? If not, how dare you refer to someone as a downgrade?

Sounds like he's well shot, that's bloody nasty.

I'm worried about going full NC. I'm worried about what he will do and inevitably bumping into him.

Why are you worried about going NC?
What could he do if you bump into him? Is he violent?