Great new partner... except in bed

[LionelMessy]

Everything is idyllic with new partner
and last night we did the deed for first time but was a damp squib.

Can I just gloss over the sex and concentrate on all the positive parts of relationship?

Rather than replies "life too short for crap sex" instead could I read other opinions of people who remain happy despite not every area of a relationship being perfect?

I'm in late 40's and want to continue this relationship despite this sex blip.

Honestly? This happened to me and I thought it would get better and it didn't!! We had occasional BETTER sex but it was never amazing....We were together for 10 years....
My current partner - we had massive chemistry immediately and still have fantastic sex now, 8 years later.

Honestly? The first couple of times with DP he was VERY quick. It was nerves. He's now the best sex I've ever had. There's no need to think the worst after one encounter.

So he finished himself in 20 secs.
This is forgivable IF:

He then finished you off with oral etc
He then was ready for another round and he lasted a decent amount of time.

If the above didn't happen, I doubt you are going to be able to explain to him that your needs are as important as his in the sack and you are not just a wank sock.

First time with my current dp wasn't great, we were both really nervous, but he's great at kissing an oral sex so I knew the rest was just down to nerves and would only get better.

I definitely agree, the first time I slept with my partner it was terrible the worst I'd had.

We stopped seeing each other after that despite amazing chemistry etc in other ways.

A year later and my friend said I should give it another go as it could have been nervousness etc.
1.5 years later we got back together and the next time we jumped into bed it was better and it got better every time, he's now honestly the best sex I've ever had. So caring to my needs etc.

I think you need a conversation about what you like etc. Though 20 seconds for what I assume is a man in his 40s does not sound as if it's an easy issue to fix.

Context is everything OP. If he spent an hour kissing you, touching you and whispering in your ear, getting himself so wound up in the process, that by the time it got to the PIV bit he just couldn’t hold out any longer - that’s (to me) perfectly acceptable for a first shag.

If, however, he stuck his tongue in your mouth for 10 secs, followed swiftly by 20 secs of humping, after which he rolled off and fell asleep, that’s not so good.

My DH was 12 years celibate when we got together and the first time we DTD he rubbed away at me like he was trying to scrubbing the cooker. Honest to god I was sure it would be a deal breaker. So I was blunt and told him he had to take time to know what worked and what didn't.

I can now officially say he's the only man who has ever made me vaginal orgasm, no other stimulation needed.

So what I'm saying is, don't Chuck it all away on the basis of a first shag. If he continues to be crap though that's a whole other thing.

@Respectabitch Your post has just won the internet!

So...... gave it another go
and both just used hands on each other slowly for about an hour this time
and was lovely.

Chatted about premature issue and will work together to try deal with that.
Replies were a fantastic help here and much appreciated

My previous partner was amazing, absolutely the best sex life ive shared with someone..... our first time and first few times were quick, and rather limp and very below average!

He’d lost all confidence in himself as a sexual man, it just took a few practices to remind him and a bit of ego boosting!

@LionelMessy

So...... gave it another go and both just used hands on each other slowly for about an hour this time and was lovely.

Chatted about premature issue and will work together to try deal with that.
Replies were a fantastic help here and much appreciated

That’s great to hear!

People forget that traders need access to Dixons!

Glad things are improving, OP.

Great to read your update! I was rooting for you to give him a chance!!!

I have never, ever heard the expression 'kept the wolf from the door' with regard to sex.

With respect I think you are getting your idioms mixed up- wolf from door means being able to have enough money to prevent starvation.

I'm not sure if you meant he penetrated you within 20 seconds, or he came within 20 seconds once inside.

These are two different things.

@DuchessofDerbyshire

I have never, ever heard the expression 'kept the wolf from the door' with regard to sex.

With respect I think you are getting your idioms mixed up- wolf from door means being able to have enough money to prevent starvation.

I'm not sure if you meant he penetrated you within 20 seconds, or he came within 20 seconds once inside.

These are two different things.

Then you need to watch this

@Palavah

I'm always having to explain Partridge to people who haven't seen it

Give it time. My dp was pretty hit or miss at the start, I think he was genuinely nervous and he's not that experienced considering how long he was married (married his first relationship). All is fine now. I'm a similar age and there's a range of things I want from a relationship, if your man meets the others give him time to see if you can work that side out

Can I just ask.. am I the only one who only see the original OP in green not her follow up posts? It's annoying for me (not seeing them all in green I mean) but going by the other posts and threads where people haven't seen updates I've realised it might not be just me. Or is it?

@SueDeNimm

I think you have to change it in your settings. I've set mine so that all the OPs posts in a thread are in green and all my comments are in pink. But its so long since I set it up that I can't remember how to do it

Thank you! I will have a look! Mine are in pink it's just the subsequent comments by an op.