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Original poster

Great new partner... except in bed

95 replies

LionelMessy · 01/01/2021 17:16

Everything is idyllic with new partner
and last night we did the deed for first time but was a damp squib.

Can I just gloss over the sex and concentrate on all the positive parts of relationship?

Rather than replies "life too short for crap sex" instead could I read other opinions of people who remain happy despite not every area of a relationship being perfect?

I'm in late 40's and want to continue this relationship despite this sex blip.

OP posts:
FlatteredRhubardFool · 01/01/2021 17:44

Unless you've left out some vital information here then I say give him another chance or five. So he came quickly but was that it game over or did he make sure you were satisfied too? His attitude will tell you a lot.

SelkieQualia · 01/01/2021 17:45

That can improve, and if it's a persistent problem, there are sesnation reducing condoms and things like that that can help.

pinkyredrose · 01/01/2021 17:48

Maybe he should have asked your opinion on the pedestrianisation of Norwich City centre

Say what! Grin

Pericombobulations · 01/01/2021 17:48

Another one saying give it another few gos, DH didnt last too long the first time, but has much improved with practice. It was definately a case of over excitement.

LookMoreCloselier · 01/01/2021 17:48

What was the foreplay and chemistry in bed like despite the actual sex part?

anniegun · 01/01/2021 17:48

Give the bloke a chance!

ShouldHaveCouldHaveWouldHave · 01/01/2021 17:49

@Palavah

Maybe he should have asked your opinion on the pedestrianisation of Norwich City centre.
Yes! And maybe get some chocolate mousse for next time...
Immrswhistledown · 01/01/2021 17:50

@Santaisironingwrappingpaper

Unless he can't kiss and had a micro penis I would give him another chance...
Definitely. Kissing is a deal breaker. If someone can’t kiss I wouldn’t see them again.
WatieKatie · 01/01/2021 17:52

From personal experience I briefly dated a chap who wasn’t great in bed. He was hopeless at foreplay and didn’t like giving oral although insisted on receiving 🙄. For context I’m early 40s.

I gave it a couple of tries but it was abundantly clear things weren’t going to improve so I ended it.

For me sex is one of the most important elements however I appreciate that isn’t the case for everyone. I have a happily married friend in a sexless marriage for example.

I guess it depends on how important it is for you. I would however give it another few chances to see if things improve and at least discuss the issues with him before making a final decision.

Monkeytennis97 · 01/01/2021 17:54

@pinkyredrose

Maybe he should have asked your opinion on the pedestrianisation of Norwich City centre

Say what! Grin

My first thought exactly.

As you were....

NeonSparkle · 01/01/2021 17:56

If everything else is great I wouldn’t end things just yet - often the first time with a new partner can be different and not reflective of his usual performance lol However I do think great sex is important in a relationship, if your not too put off to give him a few more chances - I would - and then decide if it’s a deal breaker for you (which it would for me to be fair!)

HmmSureJan · 01/01/2021 17:56

Far worse is them banging on for an hour or two because That's What The Laydeez Like!

I'd give him another chance. As long as he steps up and makes sure you get what you need in other ways.

KarmaNoMore · 01/01/2021 18:00

You need to learn what each other likes before it can become better. If you can communicate openly discuss what you like and you don’t it can get much better but if he is the kind that prefers not to talk about it (doesn’t care to hear what you prefer/like) and insists I’m always getting his way, it might be a no go.

again2020 · 01/01/2021 18:05

I'd definitely rather have that than it go on for ages 🤣

He was probably hugely turned on by you so came quickly. And that's good...isn't it?

Charlie63849 · 01/01/2021 18:06

Could that just be first time nerves ?

Also realistically ... if cum within 20 seconds ... I’m guessing he could actually go again and last longer within 15/20 mins ?

Did he make it up to you in other ways? Or even mention it?

omg35 · 01/01/2021 18:08

I hate the first time with a new partner. I get so nervous and can't enjoy it. To be absolutely honest, sex isn't amazing in my relationship but I love him so much and he's so good in every other way. My priority is definitely an amazing guy above another nasty git who is better in bed.

Also, another thought... were you both drinking? That often affects how much I enjoy/ don't enjoy things

Stella3 · 01/01/2021 18:10

I don't understand. You had sex once, you've decided it's awful and will remain awful but are determined to enjoy all other aspects as the relationship is otherwise good?

What do you want advice on exactly? Enjoying a potential sexless relationship? Get a womaniser. That's my advice.

Plonque · 01/01/2021 18:12

Give him a couple more goes, he could have been nervous.
I've also found if men haven't done it for a while, they just can't help themselves Grin he might get better with use.

MargotMoon · 01/01/2021 18:13

You need to talk about it with him ASAP. And not when you are in bed, as this could turn it into a battleground. Don't let it fester and become a 'thing'...

Tal45 · 01/01/2021 18:15

OH ha always been pretty quick, I think it's a blessing as I don't O from penetration alone anyway and I'd hate him to just be banging away for ages. He always sorts me out before or after. Did he put any effort into foreplay?

Purplethrow · 01/01/2021 18:16

I think his reaction after will tell you all you need to know. If he looked all chuffed with himself then maybe this is his norm, if he was a bit embarrassed then I think things can improve.

LivingMyBestLife2020 · 01/01/2021 18:17

Give the guy a break.
I’m seeing a guy and the first time was awful. Kissing was terrible and he was a bit rough and it didn’t last long. We talked about it and what we both liked and we tried again. Much better second time and improves every time. The kissing is great now and he’s much more gentle and romantic

madcatladyforever · 01/01/2021 18:20

One session is not a long term indication. My last husband couldn't get it up at all in the early days because of performance anxiety. It takes time and getting used to each other. Not everyone has great sex straight away, could be anxiety, lack of confidence, doesn't know you well enough or anything. Everyone is different.

Butterymuffin · 01/01/2021 18:20

@Palavah

Maybe he should have asked your opinion on the pedestrianisation of Norwich City centre.
As long as he didn't mess up the valance!

Seriously, as a first time experience that's not necessarily indicative of the long term. Did he say anything about it?

AgeLikeWine · 01/01/2021 18:23

The fact that you are obviously reluctant to say what the issues are on an anonymous forum suggests you struggle to talk openly about sex. If this is also the case with your partner, you need to work on that.

Talk to him. Communicate with him. Don’t hint or be passive. Tell him, directly, what you like. Work together with him to have the sex life you both want. Good luck.

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