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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

To rehome my dog :(

87 replies

Buggerofff · 30/12/2020 11:25

I've had my chihuahua prince for 8 years he has been my best friend ever since and I love him to pieces. However I am currently in a abusive relationship and he hates my dog I have been with my partner for three years. He hates dog hairs he hates how much attention he needs.

I have plans to leave my OH soon but I can't do it with my dog, I also don't think I'm stable enough to keep him either. I would love him to go to a nice family that can take care of him and he can relax properly without being scared every time OH walks past.

I have two DCS and I think leaving the family home with just me and them will be hard enough I can't really do it with a dog.

AIBU to rehome him?
I don't want to go and do it then regret it later just because of this bastard. But I also know I can't give him everything he deserves right now.

OP posts:
wetotter · 30/12/2020 13:00

@Porcupineintherough

Nothing wrong with rehoming if you prefer it to fostering. Dogs need a good home and a level of consistency. Not necessarily one home for life.
Thus with bells on.

I hope you can fund a good foster placements through one of the organisations long need.

It might help you to remember that guide dogs move house several times in their life, and it doesn't cause issues as long as their humans are all kindly

Bookworming · 30/12/2020 13:05

Nasty @GoldfishParade and as for the other PP backing you, where did the OP say she was going to "tie the dog to a lamppost", her thread makes it evident that she loves the dog and feels that another home would be better for him, rather than the one he is on!

OP, what an absolutely selfless act you're taking, you clearly love your dog but you want to ensure he is safe and looked after before you plan your next move. I agree consider fostering, then when you're back on your feet, you may be able to bring him home. Good luck, keep strong and break free.

Username7521 · 30/12/2020 13:07

As a chihuahua mum, I think fostering in the short term when you get away and then bringing him home would be best.
Not for the dog, but for you.
I think not having the companionship (especially a chihuahua- they are always with their person!) when you leave you partner will be really hard as they offer so much to their owner.
Your open post shows how much you love him!

CandidaAlbicans2 · 30/12/2020 13:11

Just a thought though, if you do it in advance of leaving it might alert your abuser to your plans?

Maybe, or he will see it as her yielding to his complaints by getting rid of the dog to please him. Good girlfriend. It might make him less suspicious.

OP, I was going to suggest looking into fostering before rehoming so that you have the option of getting him back when you're safe. If you go straight for rehoming that's it, he's gone, and you might regret it when you're in a better place. As well as the ideas PPs have made you could also try specific Chihuahua rescues too and see what options they have.

RoSEbuds6 · 30/12/2020 13:13

I think it would be a good idea to rehome/foster if you can, if only to help you find a place to live. It's hard to find a rental place where you can have pets, so it would make that part of starting your new life easier at least.

Username7521 · 30/12/2020 13:15

OP if you’re in London I’m happy to foster him... inbox me if you’d like to chat.

Bookworming · 30/12/2020 13:16

OP if you’re in London I’m happy to foster him... inbox me if you’d like to chat.

ThanksThanksThanks

Bookworming · 30/12/2020 13:17

That's lovely @Username7521 ThanksThanks

freeandfierce · 30/12/2020 13:24

I fostered out my cat to enable me to leave an abusive relationship, within 6 months he was back with me in our new home. He's fast asleep beside me now. It was a hard decision for me but at the end of the day for the sake of a few months i did the right thing for us both. My DH also abused the cat. You are making a brave decision for the welfare and safety for yourself, it's a temporary situation to allow you to find a more permanent home. Good luck x

CharlotteRose90 · 30/12/2020 13:29

Can any friends or family look after him till you sort yourself out. I know I’d do it for a friend in need. Please don’t lose your dog thanks to that dickhead.

Happenchance · 30/12/2020 13:31

As PP have said, contact the Dogs Trust's Freedom Project. They should be able to re-home if you decide that you can't take him back. Alternatively, lots of other rescues have spaces at the moment because people are selling their dogs for profit rather than surrendering them to a rescue that will find them a suitable, home checked, permanent home. Good luck OP!

Original poster
Buggerofff · 30/12/2020 13:38

@Bookworming I'm in Telford quite a drive away Sad

I really want to leave today I can't take anymore I just don't know where to go. I just want out off all this.

OP posts:
Poppingnostopping · 30/12/2020 13:38

Do what makes you feel most at ease with the situation. Rehome if you don't feel you will be able to cope with a dog and the two children (e.g. find somewhere to rent that takes dogs) - you do say you don't feel stable enough in your OP. If you want to try to get the dog back once you have left, then the suggestions here are excellent.

People saying 'just get the dog back' after a short foster may be overlooking how difficult it is for people to get rentals with pets these days, almost no agencies will take them (despite changes in the law) and it could make moving on that much harder.

Original poster
Buggerofff · 30/12/2020 13:38

He's gone out and put my dog outside and locked all the doors so I can't let him in.

OP posts:
Bookworming · 30/12/2020 13:39

@Buggerofff do you not have family or friends who could offer a roof over your head?

Bookworming · 30/12/2020 13:40

If he's locked you in, can you not call the police? Surely this would be an offence?

Poppingnostopping · 30/12/2020 13:41

Sorry, I didn't see your update- I'm going to report your post to Mumsnet and ask for it to be moved to Relationships as I think the advice and support you would get there to move out safely is really important. You need to make sure your partner can't find this thread for starters.

TheD0gate1t · 30/12/2020 13:42

I was in your exact situation 8 years ago. My ex was very abusive to the dog and me. The dog had various issues because of it but was so loving and comforting to me during that period of my life. I desperately want him to come with us. I couldn't find anywhere to live whilst I had him. Doing it all quietly and in secret became too much, i couldn't find anywhere to take us all and after finding out i would have a 4 months window to get everything together with ex out of the country i decided I had to give him up, a local rescue centre helped. I couldn't fix myself and help my two children whilst I tried to hold onto the dog too. I still struggle with what had to happen now but I do know it had to happen for us all.
2 years ago we got a dog from a rescue, I kind of feel I'm making up for having to give him up now.
I just wanted to share because I know how upsetting your situation is. I hope you manage to find the best solution for you all.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 30/12/2020 13:45

Could you have him temporarily fostered? That way you can have him back once you feel more able to care for him

LakieLady · 30/12/2020 13:46

So sorry you're going through this OP.

Is it not possible for you to get an occupation order so you can stay in the family home? It seems so unfair that you're the one who has to move.

And fostering the dog is definitely a good move. If you're in the SE, pm me and I may be able to help with that.

LakieLady · 30/12/2020 13:48

@Buggerofff

He's gone out and put my dog outside and locked all the doors so I can't let him in.
WTAF? You mean he's locked you in the house, too?

If so, that's a criminal matter (unlawful imprisonment). Call the police.

Wolfiefan · 30/12/2020 13:48

Can you go to a friend or family member?

QuentinWinters · 30/12/2020 13:51

I really want to leave today I can't take anymore I just don't know where to go. I just want out off all this.
Right. Get stuff and go. Call your vet - they will know who can look after the dog locally. Have you friends or family locally you can stay with? Or call womens aid.
You don't have to live like this Flowers

Haffiana · 30/12/2020 13:53

@Buggerofff

He's gone out and put my dog outside and locked all the doors so I can't let him in.
Police now. Not because of the dog.
Lily193 · 30/12/2020 13:57

We sometimes foster dogs and other pets for women in your situation. Unfortunately, I'm not near you or would happily take him. This may help:

fosterfirst.co.uk/domestic-violence/