Urgent advice please

[Stephejkb]

I am utterly heartbroken and need some advice from step parents please.

My partner (same sex relationship been together 3.5 years and engaged, love of my life) has broken things off because I apparently do not get her involved enough in discussing my daughter’s routine with her father. I have battled with my daughter’s father for 3 years to try and change the routine for what my partner wants (which is every other weekend). Whenever I make a decision with him without consulting my partner first, she has flown off the handle which has caused me to avoid the situation.

How much involvement do you have as step parents?

Thanks xx

Wow your partner is controlling, overbearing and making decisions based on her own self interest. Your poor ex. And why are you bring a doormat?! She's ended it out of pure spite can't get her own way so thrown her toys out if the pram.

I would say she should have no decision making ability until she can prove her decisions are in the best interests of the child.

And who is ultimately suffering from her overbearing intrusive choices? Your child. If I was your ex I would be taking you to court to restrict contact with your partner. She is toxic get rid

Just to clarify that my ex has still been going to parents evenings separately with his current partner. My partner has been very good in bringing up my daughter, it’s is just this issue with the routine.

@Stephejkb

The baby isn’t genetically mine but I signed the legal documents in the ivf process. We have used my partners egg

This is so tough. How pregnant is your OH?

Do you know where this leaves you legally?

And importantly emotionally?

I was with my ex husband for 11 years and I think she doesn’t like it that he has more say than her when she is “bringing up his daughter”.

Anyway the relationship has ended as I do not think she will ever be able to accept that he has more say than her. It’s a very sad situation

she doesn’t like it that he has more say than her when she is “bringing up his daughter”.

That's rich. Assuming that everyone comes at it with similar levels of emotional intelligence and care for the child, a real parent should pretty much always 'have more say'. It can only ever be about putting the child first. And children will pretty much always have a first place in their hearts for bio parents over all others. It's rough for step parents who put so much in, but that's how it is.

The examples you have given (parents night, agreeing contact timings with dad) only point to her being controlling and overstepping her role as step parent. You and your daughter are best out of this.

She’s a control freak and your letting your daughters relationship with her father suffer as a result , he is her father , of course he should be going to parents evenings and calling her when ever he likes ? I don’t agree with how you’ve let this escalate at all , sorry