Is true platonic love better than romantic love?

[fuckedandbombed]

I met my husband whe I was 15 . He is my best friend . The one person in the entire world who truly knows me - but sex was always awful. Embarrassing.

6 years ago I met someone who I had sexual chemistry with and so before anything happened I left . Lived in my own . Ended up having a disastrous relationship with that bloke . Sex was amazing. Nothing else was .

I've been single now for 28 months. I'm still best friends with estranged husband. We've known each other now for 33 years. I spent Xmas with him - we have 2 grown up children. Had a lovely Xmas with him, kids and their partners.
I sobbed all the way home . I mis him So much . I miss my life . Can people be happy in a platonic marriage? He is the only person who truly knows me - when he tells me what music I'd enjoy or what tv I'd enjoy- I'm home . There isn't another person on this planet who knows me like he does . I've life's alone now for 2 years. I miss him so much. But I also miss having that sexual connection I had with my recent ex . What's more important? Help me please!

Im asking because I could go
Back . Hubs would have me back . We could live together as we did , perfectly harmoniously. Just no sex .

Oh god I don’t know , I felt sad for you reading that but for me I’d need the sex . It is possible to meet someone and have both though ! That doesn’t help at all I’m sorry

go back to hubbie and buy yourself a vibrator... have the best of both worlds.

Seems not . I can't seem to find the same deep spiritual connection I have with hubby with anyone else.
Sex would be nice . It was nice with ex . Amazing. For the first time in my life I could keep my eyes open.

Seems I can't have both .
And 33 years is big competition. I know him and he knows me inside out. He loves me despite all my flaws . And I have never felt so close to anyone else.

Why is the sex so awful with your husband?

What you have with hubby is harder to find and worth more than great sex. Some people get both from one person but if l absolutely had to choose l would pick the best friend route. Great sex rarely lasts and it so often goes with a bit of a shaky relationship.

Sex just awful. Embarrassing. Awkward. I can't explain. He couldn't get it up for years and needed sex therapy - I felt unloved and unattractive. And I'm not unattractive. Had tons and tons of attention over the years which i ignored because loved my husband even if sex was dire
.

Hubby always maintained he fancied me - but maybe I made hi
Nervous or something because he just couldn't. It's a
Miracle we had
Kids !

Would you be happy to forgo sex to have everything else that you cherish? I think only you can answer that question.

Would your ex H be happy to have a
Platonic relationship with you with no sex?

I wish I'd never met the ex I fancied. Feels like I opened Pandora's box and now everything is shit . I want passion like I had with him, I had six with my eyes open for the first time in 44 years. I loved that .

I will never ever have that with hubby. But what I have with him is 33 years of being best friends. Knowing each other absolutely. And I love him so so much .

I never cheated. We just didn't get divorced . I think on some level we knew we'd hang on to each other.

I really love him . But it's platonic . And then 6 years ago I discovered sex . Passionate, raw , hot sex .

And now - I've got neither. Fuck .

To answer your question in the OP - no. Romantic love is life changing - 30 years later I feel so lucky to have my DH. Platonic love is also wonderful and what I have witn my school friend. You shouldn't have to compromise- you are entitled to both.

It’s not just the husband with the crap sex or the failed lover with the good sex...have you not considered you might meet someone who fits both categories? I think you should stay friends with your ex but date and see if a man who fulfils all your needs is out there. He might just be!! If you go back to your husband I think you will only leave him again!

Cake and eat it too? Would your ex-husband be interested in an open relationship, where you live together as friends and companions but you seek sex elsewhere?

Cat 12

I wouldn't want that . But I get the idea .

It's not fair on him surely? Just because he'd take you back doesn't mean he should have to live in a sexless marriage because you selfishly want one part of it without the other.

I do have consider my age . I'm lucky that I'm a very young looking 48. My hubby is fat, balding, teeth missing, but my absolute best friend on the planet, who knows me absolutely.
I just don't fancy him . I love him 100%.

I'm young for my age . Dress well. Slim . Fit . I was the bread winner because he had no ambition whatsoever. But we got along in absolutely every way imaginable, house work , child care , interests, I can't see me meeting anyone who fits everything now at my age . 🤷🏻‍♀️

Peboh

He isn't interested in sex with me . It wouldn't be a compromise for him .

@fuckedandbombed

Peboh

He isn't interested in sex with me . It wouldn't be a compromise for him .

How do you know he wouldn't be interested in sex with someone else though, the same way you are?

So the sex therapy didn’t help?

Could you / would you want to try it again? With a diff therapist?

Why wouldn't you want an open relationship? On the surface of it, it seems like a neat kind of answer - he's not interested in sex and you wouldn't have to sacrifice your sex-drive to be with him? You could be companions, which is what you appear to miss.

I would say that is romantic love. You may not be sexually compatible, but it sounds like if you have been together from 15 you probably have no idea what sort of sexual being you are, having never had the chance to explore that. That's a separate issue. But romantic love is exactly as you describe. It isn't lust and bells going off all the time after 20+ years. Certainly, I would never have had a happy relationship with people I was intensely sexually attracted to - they were massive wankers, as it turns out. But long, lasting love and companionship isn't intense and lustful and wild. It's comfort and companionship and happiness.

Cat

It's just not me . I want everything with one person! I get I might not have that ultimately. But I just couldn't have sex with someone the go home to someone else. It's just not right for me .
I guess I'll either forgo the sex and live with the familiar lovely companionship
Or stay single
Or keep looking for the package .

Oh my - this could be me writing this post. In exactly the same position. Too tired to reply now @fuckedandbombed - work tomorrow and head all over the place - but I will do when I can; just wanted to say you are not alone x