Is true platonic love better than romantic love?

[fuckedandbombed]

I met my husband whe I was 15 . He is my best friend . The one person in the entire world who truly knows me - but sex was always awful. Embarrassing.

6 years ago I met someone who I had sexual chemistry with and so before anything happened I left . Lived in my own . Ended up having a disastrous relationship with that bloke . Sex was amazing. Nothing else was .

I've been single now for 28 months. I'm still best friends with estranged husband. We've known each other now for 33 years. I spent Xmas with him - we have 2 grown up children. Had a lovely Xmas with him, kids and their partners.
I sobbed all the way home . I mis him So much . I miss my life . Can people be happy in a platonic marriage? He is the only person who truly knows me - when he tells me what music I'd enjoy or what tv I'd enjoy- I'm home . There isn't another person on this planet who knows me like he does . I've life's alone now for 2 years. I miss him so much. But I also miss having that sexual connection I had with my recent ex . What's more important? Help me please!

I've been with my dh since I was young too, and I totally get that closeness that comes from shared experiences - it really bonds you. It can feel so comforting sometimes for someone to be able to act in your best interest because they know you so well. Some people, even married people, never get that.
No one will ever be like your husband. When you've been together that long you are deeply entwined in each others lives, your families consider you part of the furniture and it is deeply nurturing.
But, it doesn't leave things open for you to meet someone new. Who won't remember your arsehole boss from your first job, your brother's wedding, nursing your parents, all the stuff of life that are references you don't need to explain to DH. But someone new will come with experiences of his own, will be able to show you new and interesting things about the world, and will appreciate what you can share with him.

On separate note, based on your husband's family background, would it be (or have been in his youth) a big deal if he was gay? Because if that's something he might need to go and explore, he might meet someone else then you would still have heartbreak and rejection despite the platonic nature of your marriage.

I'd keep looking for the package, tbh.

Two years on your own isn't much after 30-odd years, it's still an adjustment - and you had the high drama and crash of the other relationship before that.

The Christmas period and Covid do not make for easy times at all as a single person, but I think it's worth keeping on looking, rather than running back to safe and cosy, but not enough.

He's definitely not gay . I know this man absolutely.
He was a virgin when he met me . He was just a very shy , introspective man , of very high intellect and iq. He was nervous and shy .
I didn't care for ages about the sex . I just loved him

No. Don't go back to him. Stay friends and keep looking for someone else who can fulfil all of your needs.

Has he had more sexual partners since you split? He might have got better. Does he know he’s terrible? Does he care about your pleasure and want to please you? Having had amazing sex I think it will be difficult to go without for the rest of your life potentially.

What do you want more? Sex? Which is freely available. Or a connection that is rarer than finding a diamond just lying in the street?

Raok

He had one partner since me and it didn't t last .

It's not that he's selfish or anything like that. I just do t fancy him, I don't find him sexually attractive. And he doesn't me .

Ok want to have sex with someone I can look at.

I want to feel easy and comfortable. Not awkward and embarrassed. Lights off . Eyes closed .

I've had many raw, wonderful sexually charged relationships, with decent enough men.

I won't have the contentment of supporting and loving any of them as we grow old together though.

I would go for the companionship side, if it was me, although obviously different for everyone though.

We could live together forever. Easy . We know each other inside out . I love him . I love who he is . He loves me I'm sure . It's just not sexual.

I feel like I'm at a crossroads.
I could be with my hubs . Forever. We'd be fine .

Sex would just be something that happened to me once upon a time.

Not an epitaph I'd want.

How long have you been single for? It takes years to find your soul mate but you will find him. You are just friends with your ex, nothing more.

The likelihood of ever finding someone like him again is rare. I have friends who gave up partners to go looking for that "perfect compatible partner", and guess what they're still single years and years later and regret ever leaving.

Give it another go with your hubby x

Have you discussed this with him?

I'd go for the companionship to be frank

That's really difficult. But I don't agree that romantic love doesn't involve sex. I wouldn't be happy with a non sexual relationship.

Why don't you see how it all goes over the next year or two? You'll be friends with your husband forever by the sounds of it. I just have the sense that it would do you good to continue alone for now. Someone is out there with whom you might find a great connection which is also sexual. No, he will not have known you for 33 years and you will need to make allowances for that. Take your time.

Sorry OP that you are having a tough time.

Could you not just be best friends with your ex, and look out for your life partner.

I think friendship is deeper than love but that doesn’t mean sexual love and sex and just feeling attractive aren’t all really important.

What if he meets someone he loves and fancies? Will he still have love, time and support for you in the way he does now?

Confused

I Know him like he knows me . Just won't happen.

OP there are currently 7.8 billion people on this planet, let's say 50% of those are men =3.9 billion. Let's reduce that number by 50% again for target age range = 1.95 billion.

You're basing the possibility of not getting both attributes on a sample of 2 out of 1.95 billion males....

See what I'm getting at here?

Just to add the best sex of my life was with a 'nice' guy who treated me nothing short of royalty.

It is, always was, and always will be possible to have both.

I think you’re too young to go sexless for the rest of your life

Your husband isn’t going anywhere by the sounds of things and he’ll always be there for you

It might be worth considering how you would feel if your husband met somebody else, and was totally uninterested in you from that point on.

Could you live with that thought?

I think they're just different. I have a best friend I met on my first day of university and am still pretty inseparable with despite living across the world from one another. We talk every single day. We share a pet. He has signed consent forms for me for serious operations, I flew across the world when he got sick. We were born within an hour of one another in different countries, and he understands me in a way my DH never will; like knows what I'm thinking before I'm sure myself and vice versa. I would do anything for him: we almost got married many years ago when I was assaulted and became pregnant in a country I'd be prosecuted in. However - he is, in every sense except biological, my twin. My DH presents a very different type of love that isn't just 'sex' (that's a very small part of our love), that I also value very highly. I wouldn't risk losing either, and have been privileged to have a DH who values what my best friend brings to my life. Be careful about confusing that great sexual connection with anything deeper - there are millions of people you can have sexual chemistry with, it's a replicable commodity. Romantic love is something more than that, which I have with my DH - I'd still want to be married to him even if we never had sex again.