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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DH obsessed with our friend

93 replies

Iknowtheanswer · 28/12/2020 13:53

DH is totally obsessed with our friend, and it is starting to really upset me.

He has form for this. He would never cheat (not confident enough enough of his performance in bed for one thing), and I know he loves me and would struggle without me, but he periodically has crushes on other women and simply cannot keep these to himself. This one has been on and off for years.

He's currently going on and on about her. What she cooked for Christmas. How her house is decorated. How she lays her table. What she wears... It's an exhausting case of mentionitis.

Friend is lovely, but is lapping up the attention. Putting photos on the group chat. I'm not actually remotely impressed or jealous of her beautiful life, because I'm not overly bothered about material things, and I like my own house etc. She's told me many times that she has major issues with compulsive shopping, and she makes her life beautiful because she is so insecure in other ways. It's a control thing for her.

I'm just fed up with DH's attitude. He struggles with mental health (had severe clinical depression over the first lockdown), including OCD, and I suspect ADHD.

Not going to leave him, but he is driving me up the bloody wall.

OP posts:
Thisisworsethananticpated · 06/11/2022 15:56

I’d refuse to fuck him or talk to him until this stops x

CornishTiger · 06/11/2022 15:57

@Checkingonemoretime what was your final straw?

Checkingonemoretime · 06/11/2022 15:59

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FlirtyMelons · 06/11/2022 15:59

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I remember this thread from before, I am glad you managed to leave him, it's no way to live

Lostinbrum · 06/11/2022 16:00

Wow well done! I'm really really pleased for you he sounds like a total asshat

AutumnCrow · 06/11/2022 16:02

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Wow. I'm impressed. How did you manage it, practically and emotionally?

Wailywailywaily · 06/11/2022 16:07

Go you, I’m so glad you left him but sorry it took a break down for it to happen.
there is an old thread on here of me complaining about my DH’s behaviour. Pretty much every single reply said LTB. It took me a few more years to finally see the light. I’ve been divorced 2 years and never happier!

rafanadalsarms · 06/11/2022 16:29

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Amazing 😍

Checkingonemoretime · 06/11/2022 16:51

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Thisisworsethananticpated · 06/11/2022 17:04

Checkingonemoretime

👏

i also save some threads from when I first realised things needed to end

wishing you healing ❤️‍🩹 x

OneFootintheRave · 06/11/2022 17:06

That sounds horrible OP. And what sort of friend is she if she doesn't shut it down?

You say you're not going to leave him though so you'd better get used to it.

OneFootintheRave · 06/11/2022 17:10

Wow. Just seen the update. Well done OP z

Raininghard · 06/11/2022 17:16

Friend is lovely, but is lapping up the attention. Putting photos on the group chat. I'm not actually remotely impressed or jealous of her beautiful life, because I'm not overly bothered about material things, and I like my own house etc. She's told me many times that she has major issues with compulsive shopping, and she makes her life beautiful because she is so insecure in other ways. It's a control thing for her

odd as this sounds incredibly jealous and bitchy. It’s not her fault you’re married to this twat. Deal with it, Don’t put it down to mental illness, he’s got the hots for someone else and keeps getting the hots for someone else. When he starts being obsessive about your own friends it’s time to get the hell out.

she’s not to blame. She is not lapping it up. Her insecurity or lack of is not something for you to weaponise as your husband fancies her.

Raininghard · 06/11/2022 17:18

Oh sorry name change and old thread.

Backtoblack1 · 06/11/2022 17:19

Sorry but he’s being a dick to you and she’s not much better either!

user1471462428 · 06/11/2022 17:19

@Checkingonemoretime Im so glad you’re free of this stinking piece of shit.

TomTraubertsBlues · 06/11/2022 17:20

Why are you not going to leave him?

Your spouse/partner should make you happy. They should improve the quality of your life and bring lots of pleasure to it. They should treat you like the most important person in their life. This man does none of those things. That is reason enough to leave on its own.

TomTraubertsBlues · 06/11/2022 17:22

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Well done! Onwards and upwards

MsRosley · 06/11/2022 17:23

OP, your DH does not care how you feel. This has nothing to do with his depression or OCD or ADHD or whatever. It's because he's an ARSEHOLE. I've no idea what you can do about it, given you won't leave him, but I sure as hell wouldn't put up with being treated like this.

emptythelitterbox · 06/11/2022 17:30

Well done on leaving his selfish arse.

Flowers
HollyBollyBooBoo · 06/11/2022 17:31

@Checkingonemoretime well done you! Will take time to heal but that's amazing that you've left him.

yellowstickerbargain · 06/11/2022 18:52

The number of people who don't read the thread 🙄

Well done OP! I'm so glad you've got support and are looking forward to the future!

AmberGer · 06/11/2022 19:06

I was going to flag this as a zombie thread until I saw your updates.
Glad you left him.
No one should be second best in their relationship.

TomTraubertsBlues · 06/11/2022 19:11

yellowstickerbargain · 06/11/2022 18:52

The number of people who don't read the thread 🙄

Well done OP! I'm so glad you've got support and are looking forward to the future!

I read the OP's posts, but it doesn't pick up name changes.

RagzRebooted · 06/11/2022 19:16

Well done, I hope you have an excellent life without him.