Leaving relationships in January 2020

[Ilovethesummertime]

Anyone else planning on ending their relationship or leaving so/ dh in the new year and if so..?why??

Nope I left mine 6 years ago.

But new year, freedom programme and working on me in 2021, because I realise my parents and past are part of the problem and I want a positive future.

Left mine 6 weeks ago. Fed up of arguments and being blamed all the time. Fed up of him thinking I'm cheating/untrustworthy when I'm not.

Slowly but surely realising that pretty much our whole 14 years together were abusive 😞
Bring on a new year and hopeful somewhere to live so I can get me and the kids out of my parents house!!

@WingingItAtLife good luck!

@Downandupdownandup ah no way
Good luck i hope it gets better for you in
2021

@WingingItAtLife well done for taking the first step

Oops i meant 2021 of course!
Need to change the title

Me 2 @BuggerBognor i need to be strong and follow through
Ive told him but he doesn’t believe me
He laughs/ smirks

Me, but perhaps not in January because my DH lost his job and I am hoping he will find something before I can do anything. I am dreading it of course. I wish I can just wake up one day and it is all over.

Ive told him but he doesn’t believe me
He laughs/ smirks

Good luck How far along are you with getting your ducks in a row?

Putting my hand up too! I’ve spent the last 18 months living through a shitty situation, waiting for either him to change or the straw that breaks the camels back. The final straw was on 24th December when he did something that really really pissed me off (like purchase a 5k bike for himself without telling me because he knew I would have said that we couldn’t afford it) and I’m now just waiting for the right time to tell him. Christmas Day was awkward as hell. I can’t even bear to be in the same room as him at the moment so have spent the last couple of days hanging with the kids. I’m scared of his reaction when I tell him - I don’t think he will move out easily :(

I can’t wait until this nightmare is over. Bring in 2021!

Maybe not January as I need to find a job before I leave as been a sahm for ages and want some financial stability and independence before we split, but yes I’ll be ending my marriage as soon as I can. That’s the first time I’ve written it down and I feel a sense of relief doing it! It’s going to be hell on the dc for a while but I’m trying to set everything up in the background so it’s as smooth as possible for them. It won’t come as a surprise to H, although i do wonder if he thinks I’m joking when I’ve talked about it.

I expect the legal profession will get a lot of work in January and then again once restrictions are finally lifted, and in 2021 there will be a record number of divorces.

Well done for writing it down its like the first step i think and good luck @Mummysgonetobed

@KatherineJaneway my ducks are already in a row lol
We’ve split before and i moved out but we never moved back in together although he’s stayed in mine near enough every day since lockdown
Its just a case of sending him home😏

I think our marriage will be over in Jan. I’ve given him so many chances to “change” but I just don’t think he can or wants too.
I have told him already that it’s coming but I really don’t think he has heard it.
I really want him to leave the family home but I’m sure I have a battle on my hands. Kids will be devastated :-(

my ducks are already in a row lol

Good to hear

I came to this decision on January 1st last year and told DH that day. I had spent a year thinking about it but a big row on NYE put the final nail in the coffin. It’s not been challenge-free, leaving after 20 years together and dealing with a very angry STBXDH not to mention the challenges of single parenting and all of us moving to a new town and school AND during a global pandemic...but...I am so happy I made the move and you will be too. You just have to get past that scary time of telling your OH and making the leap.

Me too @BuggerBognor. I need to find the courage, I can't keep doing this. I had a photo memory pop up last week, from 3 years ago, and I remember thinking when I took that picture I can't go through another Christmas like this.

There's been brief good periods since, this years been an uneasy truce with lockdown, most of last year was pretty bad. Fights and a couple times where Hs anger was scary. He didn't do anything to us, yelling and kicking things on the floor. Nothing big but I haven't been able to feel safe around him since. And it did a lot of damage to our boys trust in him, eldest is 7 and they all have SEN and I have a long term chronic illness that is getting worse and means I can't work, so a lot to deal with. We're not in the UK, very different system here.

Ive spent the last 18 months trying to get supports in place so my boys can cope without me always being here, finally getting there. It's very much me that the boys look to for support day to day and me that does all the therapy with them. I am scared of doing this in my own, even though I basically am. But separating will add financial issues to everything else. I am scared of that future, but any time I think of trying again with H the fear is worse. I'm not afraid he'll hurt me physically, the arguments we had last year aside it's more gaslighting and blame and tieing me in knots of guilr. I've ended up feeling so worthless from it all and I can't take anymore. So I have to find the courage to face that future.

I am. We have had a recent bereavement so we are both feeling pretty shit and I have been putting off asking for a divorce because he's crap with dealing with his feelings and I don't want to push him too far. I also don't want to wait much longer because staying married to him is making me miserable.

My reasons for wanting to end it is that he's never here (due to work) so I'm stuck at home on my own with the kids all the time; he wasn't there for me at all during the difficult times this year; he's jealous of the close friendships I've had to build up to replace the emotional support I don't get from him; he's overly critical of me; I think he's too harsh on the kids and some time away from them for part of the week will probably improve their relationship.

I feel awful for the kids though, especially my eldest who I know worries a lot about us splitting up. DH thinks everything is fine between us and I'm just depressed. He doesn't have any friends and relies entirely on me for emotional support so I feel guilty/worried about that too. Such a mess!

Com
Trying to be strong enough to leave in the new year, I live in DP's house so it's going to be a struggle financially but I can't carry on walking on egg shells or being constantly criticised for basic things, it's destroying me. I just feel sad for DS and wish I had left while he was young enough to not know any different.

Literally the only thing stopping me now is worrying about how ill cope financially and knowing it would mean the end of owning my own home, this has been the one thing keeping me here for at least the last two years

What do you do when they say they would do themselves harm if you do leave/split?
I’m so confused, I really don’t feel he loves me but then I’m not sure he really knows how to show love.

@anomum123 I just tend to ignore it at this stage

@ShrimpSymphonyofSeasonalSongs I don’t think I can. I’ve suddenly realised that he is most likely depressed and I owe it to the kids to try and get him through it. I just need to muster up my mental strength to get myself through it!