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Relationships

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Original poster

How should I respond to this message?

23 replies

Bluelighting1991 · 26/12/2020 10:51

Hi all, I hope everyone is well.

I just wanted some advice. I received a direct message on facebook from someone I used to chat to a while back We are friends on facebook and we spoke a while ago. I always though she was great, but never met in person. I wanted to, but for some reason we never did.

Anyway, wind forward a year or so and I am in an amazing relationship with the most amazing person, my soulmate. I have never been happier. She makes me feel so special and loved everyday. I will never stop loving her and just want to grow old with her, I cannot wait for the journey ahead.

Anyway. I received a message through facebook from the other person saying how much they love me and think I'm amazing and just wanted to let me know as it was clearly playing on their mind.

First off I think that it's a lovely message and I really want to reply as it probably wasn't easy to say, but I don't know what to say that wouldn't hurt her feelings. I was thinking of telling my girlfriend, but I don't think that would go down well. I don't want to just ignore her and block her, which is not what I'm about. Would it be seen as 'OK' to just say something along the lines of, 'thanks for the message, that's so sweet, but sadly I'm with someone, that's very kind, wish you all the best, take care'?

As I say, it's a stupid question, but just wanted advice. I don't want to hurt someones feelings, but I have to be honest.

Thanks all

OP posts:

Newlydivorced2021 · 26/12/2020 10:54

I wouldn’t put ‘sadly’ as if your partner was to read it at some point it makes it look like you’re sad you can’t be with that person.

I wouldn’t even reply to be honest. Probably a drunk, lonely Christmas Day message from someone feeling sorry for the themselves.

How can you love someone you’ve never met in person? Doesn’t make sense.

whatdoesthismeaneh · 26/12/2020 10:55

Don't say "thats so Sweet" - if I received that I would read that as you total loser.

I would thank her for the message, say you you are in a committed relationship, wish her the best of luck for the future and hope she finds the happiness you currently have.

Irisbloom · 26/12/2020 11:01

I had this happen recently and responded saying, 'Thanks for the message, it's always nice to hear nice things like that however I have a boyfriend. I hope you're well though. Take care.'

Similar to what you've said, I would just take out the 'sadly' from your message.

Bluelightning1991 · 26/12/2020 11:07

Thanks for the advice. BTW, I meant sadly in respect to her, not me. As in if she has feelings for me it's probably sad to hear. I couldn't be happier with the relationship I'm in, wouldn't change it for anything.
Thanks

Newlydivorced2021 · 26/12/2020 11:22

@Bluelightning1991

Yea understand that. It’s just it can be read two ways and if your partner read it they might think something different or perceive it the other way.

zaphodbeeble · 26/12/2020 11:25

I would just ignore it

yellowhighheels · 26/12/2020 11:35

Tbh I'm not sure how she thinks she loves you if you never met. Probably a lonely, tipsy Christmas message. I bet a lot more of those got sent out this year than usual.

You could just say 'Thank you but I am in a committed relationship now. All the best.'

I think the key here is to have shut it down and made clear you're not interested in case your partner sees the chat or she keeps contacting you.

Dont say 'sadly' for reasons already detailed and don't say it was sweet. Just a clear, polite unambiguous 'no'.

seensome · 26/12/2020 11:42

Don't tell your girlfriend, why cause any potential upset. The person that got in touch doesn't have genuine feelings for you, you've never met and it was all just fantasy, she is probably bored/single with no one else to talk to, just ignore or say I'm in a relationship and leave it at that.

PixelatedLunchbox · 26/12/2020 12:01

Are you sure it's NOT your girlfriend testing you?

I write a simple "That's kind of you to say. I'm in an amazing relationship right now and hope you find someone wonderful too."

AND if you would want to be in the loop if your girlfriend had received such a message, I'd tell my girlfriend too.

JacobMarley · 26/12/2020 12:12

“It’s lovely to hear from you. Hope you had a great Christmas. I can’t chat right now as I am just about to get ready as me and my GF have x planned. Catch you soon x”

And leave it at that

chubbyhotchoc · 26/12/2020 12:26

I would ignore it

madcatladyforever · 26/12/2020 12:32

You love someone you've never met and still believe in soul mates like a 12 year old.
I think you need to grow up a bit before having a serious adult relationship!!

Shadow1986 · 26/12/2020 12:38

I would just reply ‘Thanks for your message, but I’m so sorry, I’m in a relationship now and really happy. Wishing you all the best. Take care’ and just leave it as that.

yearinyearout · 26/12/2020 16:01

And don't put "catch you soon x" at the end as it looks like you want to continue chatting!

fatherliamdeliverance · 26/12/2020 17:10

It’s lovely to hear from you. Hope you had a great Christmas. I can’t chat right now as I am just about to get ready as me and my GF have x planned. Catch you soon x

If I read this ( especially through the lens of wanting the bloke) I would assume it meant we can't chat now as the GF is around but let's talk soon when the guy is alone. I would also take that impression if I was the GF reading it.

ByAnotherNameToday · 26/12/2020 17:24

I would ignore it too.

It's the the sort to message I would send but, if I were to, I wouldn't want a patronising, "Aw thanks but no thanks," response. I'd be telling them because I needed to tell them and that would be that

ByAnotherNameToday · 26/12/2020 17:30

It's not the sort of message I'd send!

IndieTara · 26/12/2020 19:59

What happened with the nAme change mid thread op?

Skyliner001 · 26/12/2020 20:18

@JacobMarley

“It’s lovely to hear from you. Hope you had a great Christmas. I can’t chat right now as I am just about to get ready as me and my GF have x planned. Catch you soon x”

And leave it at that

Skyliner001 · 26/12/2020 20:18

@PixelatedLunchbox

Are you sure it's NOT your girlfriend testing you?

I write a simple "That's kind of you to say. I'm in an amazing relationship right now and hope you find someone wonderful too."

AND if you would want to be in the loop if your girlfriend had received such a message, I'd tell my girlfriend too.

This is ok

GalaKC · 27/12/2020 01:59

It's very noble of you to not want to hurt a person's feelings, however as we all know the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I suspect you are also mildly flattered by her approaching you like this.
You do not owe any type of response to any person you just used to chat to. You owe total loyalty to your current partner. Ignore the message, tell your gf IF you think she wouldn't react badly to it, and ask her if she would like you to unfriend or even block her. This is the bare minimum I would expect from a partner.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/12/2020 02:06

Ignore and block.

MakeItRain · 27/12/2020 07:48

I would ignore and block too. This person does not love you. The fact that they think they do, having never even met you, is a red flag to me. They could (possibly, not definitely) get unhealthily obsessive about this. Just walk away, it's the kindest thing to do really. Or if you really want to send a message, be very clear and along the lines of "I am in a relationship. I wish you well but I'm not interested in staying in contact."

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