No message on Christmas Eve

[lollipoprainbow]

Aibu to expect a Christmas Eve message from someone I have been on lots of dates with since February? I saw him yesterday as he had to pop over to fix up a computer I was buying from him but I've heard nothing from him all day today. We live in different towns. I always want Christmas to be all romantic and lovely like Love Actually but the reality is very different!

Couldn't you send a message telling him that you spent Christmas missing him and realised then that you must have developed feelings, that it's time to call it a day.

At least you'll receive a conclusive answer.

You can't know that he spent the time with his ex at the pub, you're just guessing!

To be fair you didn't send any messages to him either. He might be sad you weren't in touch. Why doesn't it work both ways?

Is it 'him' you actually miss or the thought of what a nice romantic relationship could be?

He's messaged to ask me what I'm doing today ? Of all the nerve!! Can't decide whether to ignore him or just say something rude or just be nice what should I do ????

So, you haven’t messaged him with a nice Christmas message, but you’re mad with him because he hasn’t sent you one???

@lollipoprainbow what should you do? Block him and get the common sense and self respect a 46 year old woman should have

Christ, all the angst and game playing OP. What is it you really want here? If you're in love with him and he's not into you, it's probably best to reply politely and then slowly cut contact.

@lollipoprainbow

He's messaged to ask me what I'm doing today ? Of all the nerve!! Can't decide whether to ignore him or just say something rude or just be nice what should I do ????

What is your desired outcome ? I suspect it's not what he has in mind.

I sometimes wonder if people get off on all the drama ! Should I? Shouldn’t I ? Oh god what shall I do ?
Do whatever you want, you are an adult after all , but don’t be surprised if you end up hurt.

@lollipoprainbow

He's messaged to ask me what I'm doing today ? Of all the nerve!! Can't decide whether to ignore him or just say something rude or just be nice what should I do ????

Why are you asking? What's the issue? Sounds a perfectly reasonable message to me.

You sound like really hard work, OP.

What’s the issue? You’re not going out with him, so why all the angst? Even if you do want to go out with him, you need to judge him against the standards expected of a casual friend - and not hearing from someone Christmas Eve/Day is fine in these circumstances.

@lollipoprainbow again I still don't understand why you are saying the nerve of him for messaging him. You are not a couple you are two people who message each other and enjoy each other's company. You need to make it clear to him what you want and then leave it be if he's not on the same page.

He's messaged asking to see you on Boxing Day, a day reserved for family and close friends. You like him, so go, although I think you need a proper conversation in the near future.

How can you be cross that he didn't message you when you didn't message him either?

Go, be happy, have a lovely afternoon, report back. I know I'm too invested, but I so want a happy end to all this and I feel that it's possible.

He's messaged to ask me what I'm doing today ? Of all the nerve!!

What?

You're friends and he's messaged you asking what you're doing as he probably has nothing better to do.

You have allowed the relationship to be this way - ie you see each other as mates, no commitment no exclusivity

Why are you whining now?

@lollipoprainbow

He's messaged to ask me what I'm doing today ? Of all the nerve!! Can't decide whether to ignore him or just say something rude or just be nice what should I do ????

“What should I do?” Get some self respect!!

@lollipoprainbow

He's messaged to ask me what I'm doing today ? Of all the nerve!! Can't decide whether to ignore him or just say something rude or just be nice what should I do ????

Is this because you think the people on here should think you should be affronted.

You literally have no idea what to do as your suggested range of responses demonstrates. This to me suggests you let other people define your reality on a regular basis.

I think the people who have said they would expect this if you were in your 20's perhaps were blessed with a good childhood and secure attachment style. I suspect you have neither OP?

Anyway I'm sure you are with the guy now but you might want to consider reading up about co-dependency? I say that kindly. I hope you have told him how you feel as I think you are being unclear as you are so focused on pleasing others it changes as the wind blows.

I think some pp are being rather unkind to op. She wouldn't be the first person to drift into a platonic friendship and want more, but not know how to make that happen. Or be afraid to rock the boat incase it disappears completely. Or imagine it is turning into something more and be upset when faced with the evidence that it is not.

@rawlikesushi thanks for your very kind words, all I was saying is that I was puzzled not to get a message on Christmas Eve/day from someone who has messaged me every day since February !! I knew his ex was down for Christmas and so put two and two together and made 43 assuming that they were together, maybe they were, maybe they weren't who knows ? I'll find out when I speak to him about his Christmas. He's good company and I enjoy being with him and I don't want to lose him.

Any update, OP? Sounds like you've nothing to lose by telling him you're interested... Otherwise it just feels like angsty game playing. Life's too short for that xx

@Greyhoundgirly not really we spoke on the phone briefly yesterday but we are both now in tier 4 so won't be able to see each other anyway for the foreseeable future !