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Husband still talking to his ex mistress!

100 replies

LondonLass2 · 23/12/2020 13:12

Recently I found out my husband was having an affair with a much younger woman and was in love with her. We separated and he moved out. He then told me he missed me, didn’t realise what he had in front of him, that he ruined his life, he still loved me, I told him to either leave me alone and not tell me these things or come home and we would try and fix our relationship. He ended it with the other woman and moved back in with me and our children. Since being back he’s distant and still texts her constantly despite knowing how unhappy I am, I’ve asked him to cut contact so many times but his reply is always the same, they’re friends and he will be keeping in touch. They text constantly. I’ve now told him, if he isn’t going to stop texting her then we are over. He didn’t really respond, so I literally have no idea what’s happening or what he’s thinking. Am I being unreasonable? The way I see it, is him choosing to try make our relationship work, it should go without saying that he cuts all contact with his ex mistress? Out of respect to me. He wants what he hasn’t got, had me but had an affair, had her after he left but then wanted me, now still texting her. I tried giving an ultimatum but he didn’t respond, do I say it again, or leave it a little bit?
Just needed a rant really, thanks for reading :)

OP posts:
JillofTrades · 23/12/2020 14:49

You should have never taken him back when you found out he was in love with someone else. At that point it was already over. You don't need to issue ultimatums and threats to force him to be with you. Just divorce him.

AnyFucker · 23/12/2020 14:50

ex mistress, you say ? Hmm

Alexandernevermind · 23/12/2020 14:50

She isn't his ex-mistress, she's his mistress. Give yourself the best Christmas present ever and make him your ex-husband.

GoingPlaces2021 · 23/12/2020 14:50

I see this differently. He probably went to her and the young woman was like "WTF????? I just jumped your bones so you spent some cash on me. I don't want to marry you FFS. I'll do that with my own age". Then he's come weaselling his way back. She's probably enjoying the flattery but doesn't want him full time. I bet he'd be off if she gave him the green light.

Take Christmas to gather evidence then ask him to leave. Afterwards I'd take him for every penny I could. He owes you this for tearing your lives upside down and the damage he's done.

ShalomToYouJackie · 23/12/2020 14:53

He's got away with cheating on you, you let him come back so of course he will carry on.

If my DP was still talking to his "ex" mistress he'd be long gone. He clearly has no respect for you and you need to get some respect for yourself and get rid. Why are you letting him treat you like this?

GoingPlaces2021 · 23/12/2020 14:53

Personally my ego wouldn't take my DH going off with someone much younger. I mean what are we talking here, young enough to be your daughter?

I'd never look at him in the same light and he'd disgust me. I'd kick him out instantly and I'd draw a line under it that night.

TwentyViginti · 23/12/2020 14:54

@AnyFucker

ex mistress, you say ? Hmm
Quite.
OldLang · 23/12/2020 14:55

Why would he stop an affair when he has no consequences for doing so in the first place?

Thewithesarehere · 23/12/2020 14:56

He has two mistresses. You are the second one.

TillyTopper · 23/12/2020 15:12

He's hedging his bets. You don't need a discussion with him, neither do you need to ask him to stop texting her (he won't anyway), just divorce him and live the life you deserve!

seensome · 23/12/2020 15:12

He still wants both of you and he isn't really that sorry not to stop contact with her. Prehaps the only reason he came back to you is because it wasn't working out as he hoped with her, don't be anyone's fool, don't wait hoping he'll change, he won't.

LisaLee333 · 23/12/2020 15:19

@LondonLass2 Oh PLEASE leave this man. You're worth so much better.

FFS as if it's not bad enough that a man shags another woman behind his wife's back, he begs to come back, (YOU TAKE HIM BACK,) and he maintains contact with said mistress.

Nah, fuck that! Nope, NOOOOOOOOO!

Don't even tell him he can't speak to her, just fucking leave him/kick him out. He's a total fucking cockwomble.

I agree actually, with a pp, that he never ended it with her. Bastard. Hmm

Oh, and you may be financially a bit worse off, but you will have your self respect, and you'll be rid of this vile article.

CorianderQueen · 23/12/2020 15:24

Get him out, he's taking the piss out of you.

It was all lies

VivaMiltonKeynes · 23/12/2020 15:32

@LondonLass2 why are you smiling at the end of your post?

He's taking the piss .

notdaddycool · 23/12/2020 15:38

Either kick him out now or tell him he can send one more agreed message ending all contact and block her and if he ever contacts her again it's over.

Cherrysoup · 23/12/2020 15:48

His behaviour is disgusting. He begged to come back yet he’s refusing to drop contact with the ow?! I’d make him leave immediately. If he is so keen on contact with her, he can bloody well go and live with her. Wanker.

GQKP · 23/12/2020 15:52

Really sorry OP

Stop leaving him to make the choices. Throw his arse out. He hasn't chosen you !

user1471565182 · 23/12/2020 15:53

Get rid

Pechanga · 23/12/2020 15:58

You gave him a second chance, he didn't take it. I wouldn't even be giving him an ultimatum, it's already over....I think you know that.

Requinblanc · 23/12/2020 16:06

How long are you going to let him treat you like this? kick him out.

He is disrespecting you and lying to your face by claiming this woman is just a friend now...Obvious he wants to keep using you while he carries own with that woman behind you back. You deserve better than this.

LassFromLeedsWithALustForLife · 23/12/2020 16:09

Cake and eating it spring to mind. Fuck him. Why is this all about what he wants? Dump the absolute scumbag and move on. You deserve and definitely can do better.

Jobsharenightmare · 23/12/2020 16:11

I'm sorry OP. You must be heartbroken at how he treated you in the first place but now he's home and not willing to end the affair it must feel like a knife to the heart again.

I know this is hard but if you carry on it will be death by a thousand cuts. He will not stop until she tires of him or decides to give it a go because she's presumably got nothing to lose.

blisstwins · 23/12/2020 16:26

I am so sorry. I have been through it. You are worth so much more. If he treats you like this odds are he is awful in many other ways you have come to think of as normal. Don’t be afraid. Lean on friends and file for divorce. Now.

Lozzerbmc · 23/12/2020 16:33

How utterly awful for you. So he wants his cake and to eat it too.... he wont have ended it I suspect. If he was truly sorry and truly wanted you he would ditch OW for good. He hasnt im so sorry Flowers

EpochTime · 23/12/2020 16:34

They're not 'friends'.

Once a husband tells his wife he is 'in love' with another person, the marriage is dead.

You will do so much better once he's gone.

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