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Original poster

DH has got me a shit present

81 replies

bottledants · 21/12/2020 14:31

Just went to Amazon - used DH account as he has prime - to order a book for DS1. There is a book there DH has ordered which must be for me, and for Christmas. About ten years ago this was a subject I had some interest in but not for a decade. There is a subject I am very interested in at the moment that I regularly talk to DH and have no books on. Mind you, the reason I have no books on it is because I don't have time to read books. I would have more time to read books if DH shared an equal load of family chores. But when I mention this to DH he angrily argues that he does EVERYTHING and I do NOTHING.
So I made a list of all the things he does and all the things I do and asked to discuss it but he refuses to.

Or he could have got me a decent umbrella being as I have complained a lot about kids destroying my decent one and we live in a very rainy country.

In fact anything that shows he pays attention to who I am and what my life is would have done.

I don't want to read this fucking book, its just a reminder that this arsehole is utterly uninterested in me and can't be arsed to learn anything about me.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 21/12/2020 14:33

So divorce him
He sounds like a knob

CoffeeRunner · 21/12/2020 14:33

It’s not about the book.

Does H have any good points?

KitKatastrophe · 21/12/2020 14:34

Sounds like you should reconsider your relationship. The book is obviously the straw which broke the camel's back. Get him a divorce for Christmas

Passthewinebottle · 21/12/2020 14:35

@Shoxfordian

So divorce him He sounds like a knob
Agreed.
Original poster
bottledants · 21/12/2020 14:38

Sounds like you should reconsider your relationship

I think I should too. I think having to do everything myself would be easier that the emotional burden of thinking I have someone else to help out who keeps letting me down.

OP posts:
Original poster
bottledants · 21/12/2020 14:39

Does H have any good points?

I'm struggling to think of any. He's quite a good cook. Good at DIY.
That's it really.

OP posts:
Original poster
bottledants · 21/12/2020 14:41

I'm going to throw the book in the bin. Oh god, I hope he hasn't got it for the kids to give to me so I have to pretend to be delighted.

OP posts:
AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings · 21/12/2020 14:43

Can you cancel the order and order yourself something from his account? Not ideal but at least you'd get something you wanted

grey12 · 21/12/2020 14:44

Is he usually good at gifts? Some people just are terrible and you wish they would stop.... my DH isn't great I must say..... I just exchanged the 2 gifts he gave for my birthday.....Blush

frazzledasarock · 21/12/2020 14:45

Hand him a divorce petition for his present.

Don’t stay with him if he makes you so unhappy.

Santaisironingwrappingpaper · 21/12/2020 14:45

Galaxy..
A bar of chocolate broke the camel's back in our marriage op..
I am a Cadbury lover only. Nobody has ever seen me buy or eat Galaxy..
Dh came home with a huge bar.
8 years together..
But I thought you might have just fancied some....
Exh nowadays.
It really can be the small things.

Original poster
bottledants · 21/12/2020 14:48

Can you cancel the order and order yourself something from his account? Not ideal but at least you'd get something you wanted

That's a good idea. I've just tried - Amazon say they will do their best but parcel is on the way so they may not be able to.

He'll get upset and angry at me but sod him.

OP posts:
SkySports · 21/12/2020 15:02

Order what you really want on the account for Christmas.

Return the book.

Diverseopinions · 21/12/2020 15:06

Is there irony behind these posts? Would many of you really break up a marriage because your other half is annoying?

What about the kids and the stability of their home?

What about the grandparents?

Surely there will be other more generous presents.

You see on MN how many posters are struggling after separation to afford childcare, to deal with communication. Is it really good advice, even if partly in jest, to suggest tearing apart the life you have because of inconsequential failings?

Only if you were really a high earner, and able to use your spending power to paper over the cracks, make good all your by-now-ex's meaness with the kids, could you really create a stable comfortable life with your ex playing a bit-part role, or a good contribution of a role - depending on how he feels or, more like, what his new partner will allow for him. People change after divorce - you'd never be able to predict what part of his kindness and duty will he reserve for the children and their struggles ahead.

I'd go on much more serious criteria. I don't know if advice to leave is cavalier or over-confident. Sounds over-the-top, though.

Original poster
bottledants · 21/12/2020 15:07

Order what you really want on the account for Christmas

I was going to get myself something for Christmas, but found it too depressing to have to do that, so will buy myself the treat I wanted after Christmas instead.

OP posts:
Original poster
bottledants · 21/12/2020 15:10

Surely there will be other more generous presents

Nope there won't.

OP posts:
peboh · 21/12/2020 15:12

@Diverseopinions

Is there irony behind these posts? Would many of you really break up a marriage because your other half is annoying?

What about the kids and the stability of their home?

What about the grandparents?

Surely there will be other more generous presents.

You see on MN how many posters are struggling after separation to afford childcare, to deal with communication. Is it really good advice, even if partly in jest, to suggest tearing apart the life you have because of inconsequential failings?

Only if you were really a high earner, and able to use your spending power to paper over the cracks, make good all your by-now-ex's meaness with the kids, could you really create a stable comfortable life with your ex playing a bit-part role, or a good contribution of a role - depending on how he feels or, more like, what his new partner will allow for him. People change after divorce - you'd never be able to predict what part of his kindness and duty will he reserve for the children and their struggles ahead.

I'd go on much more serious criteria. I don't know if advice to leave is cavalier or over-confident. Sounds over-the-top, though.

If the person is annoying you to such an extent that you no longer like them, then yes you should end a relationship. We have to stop telling people to stay together for children, thats unhealthy.
Sillysandy · 21/12/2020 15:18

I get it OP, it's not about the Christmas present.

I remember one year my now-ex bought me a camera. I had wanted a camera. When I opened it and looked at it I was so upset.

Totally unreasonable of me you say? No I don't think so.

He worked in the industry and had lots of equipment, he was constantly searching the net for really good equipment at bargain prices. He was very knowledgeable in the area. For my present he had walked up to the nearest chemist and bought an over the counter camera. It was the very cheapest one available and basically rubbish. I guessed correctly he had bought it Christmas Eve. It cost a fraction of what I spent on him every year. It was unsurprisingly rubbish quality. He owed me money which he hadn't paid back but had been buying himself equipment regardless. I dumped him shortly afterwards.

It really does sound like the joy has left your marriage. How long is it since things have been good? What have you tried to make things better?

In his defence, something got through to him as he went out and bought a book on a topic you used to like. So in some way he could be saying he knows you haven't had time to read but you will, sorry.

ravenmum · 21/12/2020 15:19

It's not just annoying and inconsequential if your supposed life partner takes no interest in you, spends no time thinking about you, leaves all the work to you, regularly lets you down and refuses to discuss any issues you bring up. It's depressing and lonely, and means you have a horrible atmosphere in your own home, every day of your life.

Wyntersdiary · 21/12/2020 15:21

my friends husband once bought her a chocolate bar and a card from the corner shop on her birthday not even wrapped up .. worse part is she cant eat chocolate due to milk allergy and so he said well i guess ill have it then. they broke up a week later, she said it was just the last straw as she always planned and worked hard for weeks before his birthdays.

Plussizejumpsuit · 21/12/2020 15:22

Sounds like you've got bigger problems than what he buys you for Christmas.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 21/12/2020 15:23

Yeah...I had one of these...always gaslighting me into the back end of next century...and then he assaulted me...

dreamingbohemian · 21/12/2020 15:29

He sounds awful.

You do what you have to do OP

cheesecrackersandcorona · 21/12/2020 15:30

Oh this has brought back a horrible memory. One year (now ex) DH bought:

A Disney songs CD. I was 35 yo and had a toddler. That's not a gift for me is it?

And some awful slippers on Xmas Eve - in carrier bag. I have size 8 feet. These were size 5 Hmm

SlothWithACloth · 21/12/2020 15:31

Order something else. Something that you actually want.