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Original poster

Not “allowed” to talk to my brother...

59 replies

Rosemary26 · 20/12/2020 22:18

I have a foster brother who has been in my life since I was born. To me, he IS my brother, we might as well be blood relatives. He has a lot of struggles in his life, as do I (although different struggles), stemming from neglect we faced as children. He has some criminal history having to do with drug possession charges. In spite of what he’s faced, I love him and I believe in him. He’s always tried to be there for me.

My husband cannot stand my having anything to do with my brother. He’s never met him, never spoken to him. If he so much as sees us messaging each other he either gets in a foul mood and grows quiet or goes into a rage. It isn’t uncommon for my brother to write me saying, “I love you, sis,” and of course I respond to tell him that I love him. My husband has screamed about how he sees that as inappropriate. He even accused me of sleeping with him before. This makes me sick. I’ve tried to explain how I feel to him, but he’s threatened that if I’m going to continue talking to my brother then he’s going to get in touch with one of his ex girlfriends. This drives me crazy. I don’t understand how he’s gotten this idea, that it makes any sense?

Is this controlling/abusive behavior? He doesn’t seem to be okay with me talking to anyone I know anymore. It hurts to feel as if I can’t pick up the phone when my brother calls. He’s tried to spin this in many ways, claiming he’s trying to protect me.

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 20/12/2020 22:23

Yes he’s controlling you,limiting your social contacts,purposefully isolating you
He’ll not change, I would really suggest for your sanity & safety you leave him
Delete your browser history so he can’t see this.
Buy a burner phone, when it’s safe call who you want

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 20/12/2020 22:23

Abusive as hell op, can you speak to someone irl about his behaviour?

BenoneBeauty · 20/12/2020 22:23

That is not right or normal Op. Unless there's some horrendous back story with your brother, your DH behaving in such a way is definitely abusive.

AudTheDeepAndCrispAndEven · 20/12/2020 22:23

Yes it is, to answer your question. If he has no basic trust in you is there any hope? And it's HIS problem, NOT yours!

Love51 · 20/12/2020 22:24

Absolutely controlling and abusive to attempt to cut you off from your family. He's infantilising you by suggesting you aren't able to make good decisions, and accusing you if cheating on him is a further control method (with your brother, he knows it isn't true, he's accusing you deliberately, hopefully someone else will explain why as it is beyond me!)

Tinty · 20/12/2020 22:26

You need a new boyfriend.

HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 20/12/2020 22:27

By making outlandish accusations he disorientate you,putting you on the defensive trying to pacify and explain. It’s an abusive tactics, make you always accountable and trying to second guess him. Meanwhile your DH sets the agenda and tone

isawthatt · 20/12/2020 22:28

this is definitely abusive

AIMD · 20/12/2020 22:28

Yes he’s controlling. He’s sounds bloody awful
And manipulative.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/12/2020 22:31

You're married to a controlling, abusive cunt. You need to start planning to leave him. He's a bully. You can't waste any more precious years on a bully.

Pumpkinpie1 · 20/12/2020 22:38

Your husband sounds horrible and controlling
I hope you dont have children with him

category12 · 20/12/2020 22:52

Yes, it's controlling and abusive and you should get out of the relationship.

Cherrysoup · 20/12/2020 22:52

Abusive and controlling, yes, you know it is. I would not allow him to dictate to me.

Superstardjs · 20/12/2020 22:55

He is a wanker.

Beautiful3 · 20/12/2020 23:00

Your husband is being completely unreasonable. Very controlling.

Onthemaintrunkline · 20/12/2020 23:06

Controlling certainly, someone who wants his own way or sulks. What else does he expect to get his own way over? Your brother obviously wants you in his life, stay there and enjoy your brother being in yours.

Honeyroar · 20/12/2020 23:09

How did you end up marrying someone who wouldn’t even meet your brother?? Horrible man. You don’t need someone like that.

Motnight · 20/12/2020 23:11

Op what else does your husband do?

nowishtofly · 20/12/2020 23:12

Controlling. This is not right OP. You need to walk away from this.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/12/2020 23:14

You can't possibly get away from your husband fast enough.

AccidentallyOnSanta · 20/12/2020 23:18

Controlling and abusive. He's already started to isolate you from friends and family. Putting an ugly spin on your previous relationships. Threatening to connect with his exes? Who does that? Ohh I'm going to cheat on you because you talk to your brother.

Insecure,controlling,bullying ,abusive twat!

ZippedyDooDa · 20/12/2020 23:21

Why has your husband never met your brother?
In any event, your husband is a psychopath who you need to get away from immediately and forever.

Chloemol · 20/12/2020 23:23

He is abusive and controlling and would be out the door so fast he wouldn’t know what’s hit him

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 20/12/2020 23:28

I couldn't cope with this. It'll be a slow creep to other areas of your life op

Bananalanacake · 20/12/2020 23:29

What does he do when you talk to or meet your friends, colleagues.