Would you date/marry a man without higher education?

[bunny85]

Just that really. If everything else was great, would it be a deal breaker for you? Let's say a man who only finished high school- no college, no uni. Would you?

@Ohmymo

It would be totally fine if you said I only want men from my ethnicity or cultural background or even specified that he must be tall. But God forbid you wanted someone educated to your level, oh no no no you horrid snob, eh Greenland? 😂

Well, clearly the point of it all is to diminish your own education so you can boast about how much your husband earns, despite having no qualifications.

I don't even know anyone who does that in real life. My friends must be snobs too.

I always thought that marrying men for their money was shallow, but oh no, on here it seems the main concern. To hell with shared experiences and friends and interests - as long as a man earns lots of money, thats all that counts.

@PigletJohn Resting the case

No, I can't say I would. It's not because I think they aren't good enough for me (I do have a PhD and dh has a BSc but works in what would generally be considered a trade, he's a company director, but it's in an industry you definitely don't need a degree to be in). But I have dated people in the past who weren't on par with me in terms of ambition and intellect, and it didn't work. That's not to say that it wouldn't be possible. But I think (if I was single), the sorts of single men in their 40s without a university education probably wouldn't be people I'd have a lot in common with, so it would probably put me off unless they were otherwise pretty spectacularly interesting.

I always thought that marrying men for their money was shallow, but oh no, on here it seems the main concern. To hell with shared experiences and friends and interests - as long as a man earns lots of money, thats all that counts.

Oh, my non-university-educated partner earns a fraction of what I do (and nothing at all at the moment - hello, COVID-19!). Fortunately, neither of us gives a fuck about that. My university peers are largely now busy 'running' the country and making sure that they don't suffer financially whatever might happen to anyone else.

I had little in common with them 30 years ago, and even less now.

@Divebar I'm actually from a different continent and immigrated here through my degree, as are a lot of my friends. And we all do very different jobs, and have different hobbies. Everything from the UN to retail to the police. There's enough diversity and difference amongst people with degrees, that I don't feel I need to build a life partnership with someone who doesn't have one. But the same way I wouldn't take offence if someone didn't want to date people of my ethnicity as they want someone of the same culture, I would never judge someone for wanting to date or not date someone because of education.

Difficult one. I wouldn’t automatically rule them out, but it would be a negative for me. If they had other qualities that made up for it or were in a great career and showed drive, then why not?

I don't think this is a relevant question anymore and I'm surprised to see it being asked.

40 years ago (rightly or wrongly) there may have been a difference between people with a degree and people without. Mostly it would indicate what type of background they came from.

Nowadays anyone can go to uni and get a Mickey Mouse degree and it means nothing.

If you want to think in such blinkered terms, you could have a complete low achiever who has gone to a low ranking uni and passed a degree in a pretty questionable subject.......and you could have a high achiever with vocational qualifications / experience / in a trade.

I'm not really sure what you're asking but I don't think the question you have actually asked is what you want to know.

I also think a lot of universities are great places for getting people from different social classes, cultures, and countries to socialise and be equals in a way that isn't so easy in other areas of life. Some of the best learnings I had about politics and understanding other cultures was through debates in the uni pub rather than in lecture halls. I still remember an incredible discussion between a Palestinian girl and Israel boy that has taught me more about that region than any news article. I learnt the nuances of doing projects with different types of people - the difference between the Chinese way of approaching a problem, and the American way.

By the time I entered the workplace I had a lot more cultural sensitivity than peers who hadn't been to university. In fact, I worked at one the largest private companies in the UK and my boss put me in charge of a bunch of 40 year old men with much more experience, because he thought I better understood how to engage with key workers who were mainly foreign. He was right.

Of course, I would want a man who has had that similar experience to me. It's something that helped form me as a person.

I've met loads of MA and PHD students who couldn't boil an egg!

This tiresome cliché gets trotted out on Mn nearly as often as the gracious, doghair-covered aristocrat rattling around in his ancient Volvo. DH and I have seven degrees between us, and and our egg-boiling and shoelace tying is fine, thanks.

This really has hit a nerve for some people, hasn't it? All because some posters have said they wouldn't have married your spouse on educational grounds.

I have a BA and an Masters. DH's highest qualification is a Level 3 City & Guilds he got between our second and third children. When we met I had just finished undergrad and he had no qualifications at all. But he spoke two languages and was learning English- I speak one. He had made his way to the UK through sheer fucking determination and overcome more hardship than most people ever even read about. He is practical and capable and a far, far better person than most of the highly educated, well qualified men I work with.

This really has hit a nerve for some people, hasn't it? All because some posters have said they wouldn't have married your spouse on educational grounds.

D'you really think that's what this is about? Or could it be that some posters are simply bewildered/amused at the idea that only people with similar levels of formal education could possibly have enough in common to keep a relationship thriving?

What the actual bollocks is this thread.

Seriously do you only mix with people with degrees?! That’s hilarious. I’ve got three degrees and it means absolutely nothing. My husband has got a degree too, but again, who cares? Lots of our richest and funniest friends left school at sixteen. We talk about all sorts; they’re sharp as tacks, brilliant company with very successful children.

I want someone who will understand what I'm talking about when I discuss the Roman influence in Britain, or how I'm concerned about the potential erosion of human rights after Brexit, or just to joke about how dire halls were in first year, but none of us realised it. I dont want someone who thinks you use apostrophies to make plurals in English, or who votes the way his father voted because he's never thought about it. That would drive me mad and I'd rather stay single til I meet the right person.

And you seriously think that only with further education is an individual capable of exploring/discussing all of the above.
OK, I grant you they won't be able to speak with any kind of authority on "how dire halls were in the first year" but that doesn't sound like a particularly interesting conversation anyway.

This really has hit a nerve for some people, hasn't it? All because some posters have said they wouldn't have married your spouse on educational grounds.

Actually nothing in this thread hit any sort of nerve until I read this ridiculously spiteful little offering.

For someone with multiple degrees and fantastic egg boiling and shoelace tying skills, you appear woefully inadequate when it comes to understanding people. Believe me, those of us judging the responses of posters such as you and finding you somewhat lacking are in no way offended that you would have no interest in our partners. We know that our partners would have no interest in you! It is incredibly revealing on your part to assume that people expressing negative judgement of your opinions must be upset that you wouldn't want our partners. We find you lacking. We are not castigating ourselves because you and your type think you are too good to be with the people we love- we know they are far too good for you.

of course I'd marry someone without a degree. I didn't. I happened to marry someone with a PhD. But despite his pointy-headedness he's as down to earth as anything and used his PhD in a very practical way. My lovely friend who is a deputy Head and has a PhD in something educational married a man who left school at 16. He and my DH are best friends and can think their way around any subject. it really doesn't matter. What matters is the ability to think. I couldn't be with someone who couldn't do that.

I have a theory that all the dh is more intelligent than me is because he gives less head space to home life, house work, chores, childrens needs and schoolings, even whats for dinner. Oh and they get more me time, full nights sleep, probably kept working as you stayed at home with under 3s or 5s, mind slowly turning into mush. With more sleep and delegation im sure dear poster you will find you are just as clever.

Light hearted ok!

@multivac

This really has hit a nerve for some people, hasn't it? All because some posters have said they wouldn't have married your spouse on educational grounds.

D'you really think that's what this is about? Or could it be that some posters are simply bewildered/amused at the idea that only people with similar levels of formal education could possibly have enough in common to keep a relationship thriving?

That's not what the OP asked, though. She asked in neutral terms whether a man not having any form of higher education would be a deal-breaker. Most people have said no, it wouldn't, and despite this, the tone of the thread has got increasingly embattled, with posters behaving as though their personal spouses are being viewed as inferior, and inventing straw men about lack of intelligence, drive, earning power, intellectual curiosity which no one has seriously raised.

That's why it seems to have hit some kind of nerve.

The thread is fundamentally similar to threads on 'Would you date a man shorter than you?' But I don't see the spouses of shorter men getting wildly defensive about their husbands' stature.

And it's not actually hard to have as friends and acquaintances largely people who have multiple degrees. Most people have pools of friends from their student days and from among colleagues and former colleagues -- if you made a lot of your adult friends when you were a postgrad on an MA/MPhil/DPhil/PhD/ postdoc track, and work in a field where postdoctoral qualifications are required, then it's hardly surprising that a lot of your circle will have multiple degrees.

And we've just moved to an area close to two hospitals, and are discovering that all the neighbours in our immediate vicinity are medics who like to walk to work.

We're not living in some kind of qualifications ghetto, by any means. A lot of people have degrees. Significant numbers of people have multiple degrees.

@Bluesheep8

I want someone who will understand what I'm talking about when I discuss the Roman influence in Britain, or how I'm concerned about the potential erosion of human rights after Brexit, or just to joke about how dire halls were in first year, but none of us realised it. I dont want someone who thinks you use apostrophies to make plurals in English, or who votes the way his father voted because he's never thought about it. That would drive me mad and I'd rather stay single til I meet the right person.

And you seriously think that only with further education is an individual capable of exploring/discussing all of the above.
OK, I grant you they won't be able to speak with any kind of authority on "how dire halls were in the first year" but that doesn't sound like a particularly interesting conversation anyway.

This is priceless! Ah, Bluesheep8 I bet you want someone who really gets it when you talk about how you, like, totally found yourself during your gap year travels in South East Asia, too, don't you?

NB - you do know, don't you, that a lot of university-educated people a) haven't studied, or indeed, even thought about, the Roman influence since KS2 and b) actually think that Brexit is a jolly good idea?

@unmarkedbythat

This really has hit a nerve for some people, hasn't it? All because some posters have said they wouldn't have married your spouse on educational grounds.

Actually nothing in this thread hit any sort of nerve until I read this ridiculously spiteful little offering.

For someone with multiple degrees and fantastic egg boiling and shoelace tying skills, you appear woefully inadequate when it comes to understanding people. Believe me, those of us judging the responses of posters such as you and finding you somewhat lacking are in no way offended that you would have no interest in our partners. We know that our partners would have no interest in you! It is incredibly revealing on your part to assume that people expressing negative judgement of your opinions must be upset that you wouldn't want our partners. We find you lacking. We are not castigating ourselves because you and your type think you are too good to be with the people we love- we know they are far too good for you.

That makes zero sense. But neither does the entire premise.

I'm married to a man who is shorter than me. 'Would you date a man shorter than you?' comes up regularly on Mn. A lot of people say no, it's a dealbreaker for them. I don't go on those threads and mount a passionate defence of my husband's stature, because it's irrelevant to me what someone else's dating dealbreaker is.

You don't seem able to take a similar stance.

The thread is fundamentally similar to threads on 'Would you date a man shorter than you?'

I don't get those, either. The only relationship deal breaker for me would be sexuality; and actually, I haven't even tested that, so I could be mistaken...

*This is priceless! Ah,Bluesheep8I bet you want someone who reallygetsit when you talk about how you, like, totallyfoundyourself during your gap year travels in South East Asia, too, don't you?

NB - you do know, don't you, that a lot of university-educated people a) haven't studied, or indeed, even thought about, the Roman influence since KS2 and b) actually think that Brexit is a jolly good idea?*

Sorry, but I don't understand what you mean.

Yes, it's a persons character not their academical success that's important.
I'd much rather have a husband that is kind, caring, and family orientated, than a super smart know it all that is a horrible human.

Plus, what I think you're missing Maigue, is the fundamental difference between ruling someone out as a partner on grounds of their height, fitness, hair colour etc. and doing it on grounds of whether they have a degree or not. Because the latter is making certain assumptions about what it means when a person has or doesn't have a degree - it's those assumptions that are either amusing or irritating people, not the notion of the deal breaker itself.

Sorry, but I don't understand what you mean.

God I hate it when people can't communicate on my level. So tedious to have to explain things all the time.