Would you date/marry a man without higher education?

[bunny85]

Just that really. If everything else was great, would it be a deal breaker for you? Let's say a man who only finished high school- no college, no uni. Would you?

No but this is from experience. Not snobbery. I don't look down on those with no HE but I know myself well enough to understand what I want to talk about with my partner and what I like doing. There are loads of other factors that put me off dating someone. The HE certainly isn't top of the list!

I had an LTR with a man who didn't so much as have an O level to his name (awful neglectful childhood) but he was hugely intelligent and much more widely read than me (university education). He was a lovely, kind, if somewhat troubled man.

He was also phenomenal in bed. Imagine missing out on that because you were snippy about qualifications.

About 10 years ago, I really widened my social circle by taking up a sport that really does include all sorts.

I can't tell how much poorer my life would be if I was only interested in the ones with degrees. In fact, I don't know who they are, but based on their professions, I'd say the majority don't and I've met some wonderful, funny and very intelligent people.

@Honeyroar

Yes. I married him. I’m educated to degree level, he’s much more intelligent than me. He was written off at school due to undiagnosed (I suspect) dyslexia.

Same with me, except I'm not educated to degree level-im a qualified nurse but did it years ago, before it was diploma/degree level.

@Gooseygoosey12345

Why would you even judge someone on their education, or lack thereof? I married a man who finished at GCSE. He's very intelligent and has more common sense than most. I have a degree but that doesn't make me better than anyone who doesn't! Formal education isn't for everyone. I absolutely hate this idea of "everyone should go to university". Why? Not every career requires a degree! In fact, the people I know who have the best jobs/earn the most didn't finish school.

But no one is saying ‘everyone should go to university’. The OP asked whether people would marry someone who hadn’t done A-levels or equivalent or some form of HE, and people are replying largely that they would, so I’m not sure why some posters are being so shrieky about it. Surely it’s as valid a preference as preferring dark-haired men, or men without children?

I’ve said I wouldn’t. I don’t see what is controversial about it. I’m not attacking your formally uneducated husbands, or suggesting you are inferior for having married them, I’m just saying I wouldn’t have married them myself. Which is a good thing, clearly, as you did.

@PigletJohn

Boris Johnson has a degree.

Let that be a warning to you.

Lol!

A degree doesn't indicate common sense or decency.

Plus I'm old, when I was younger university wasn't as common as it is now. Though through it's very nature 90% of people I meet via work either have a degree, a professional qualification or both.

I think it's more about drive than having to have gone to uni.

My Chief Exec for example started as a bricklayer and now is CEO of the fastest growing company in our industry.

You can't rule people out for arbitrary reasons. I'm quite tall and always said I wouldn't date anyone under 6ft. Guess what my husband is 5' 10!

What an utterly bizarre question. My partner of 30 years left school as soon as he could with barely a CSE or O level to his name - not because he was lacking in academic ability or curiosity (he'd been a top-of-the-class student until about the age of 14), but because he loathed the system and was too busy making music and meeting girls to sit for exams he saw as pointless.

He loves learning and has never stopped. He's intelligent, interested and interesting. There's nothing we can't talk about, although I often find massive gaps in my knowledge that my fancy Oxbridge degree really doesn't make up for, conversationally speaking.

@PigletJohn

Boris Johnson has a degree.

Let that be a warning to you.

Seriously though, @CabinClose’s post on the first page was a good one and sums it up for me.

Is this for real???

@GreenlandTheMovie

turnthebiglightoff There are some bonkers replies on this thread. I left uni in my second year and am intelligent, well read and otherwise well educated.

I think you're missing the point that university teaches you skills, including the ability to elucidate an argument beyond calling something "bonkers" and insulting people's choices who are different to yours.

'different from'

I dont think education level matters as much as having the same kind of intelligence and interests...
I left school at 16 and my husband has two degrees in different subjects and a masters.... and is now looking at doing doctorate. But we get on very well.. we like the same kind of literature and ideas... we both love art. I think it just depends on the people... education level cant tell you anything alone... some terrible people are highly educated

Would you ask the same of a man dating a woman?

Yes, my first husband is extremely intelligent. He was excluded and refused access to exams during school.

Yes he was difficult but there were very good reasons for this that the school didn't address.

He's more intelligent than me and I have a very respectable degree from a RG university.

It's drive and passion that matter, not paper. He built an empire out of grit and determination.

@greenlandthemovie so because I didn't finish uni, I can't elucidate an argument as well as you? Reading your other points, you absolutely come across as a snob. Not even a bonkers one. And ffs no one is going to out you if you say you hunt for fun. Don't call it a "hobby".

Neither DH nor I finished university. It wasn't for reasons of academic performance.

Intelligence is important to me in a partner.

Level of formal qualification less so. They are different things.

Yep. I did. He is the most quick witted man ever. He is fast, can say something degrading and witty, to put someone down in a meeting, in a subtle but clever way. He's made people scoff and laugh under their breath. It's comical.

He's got Nebosh qualifications and is a fantastic people Manager. barely turned up to school just before his o'level's.

I've met loads of MA and PHD students who couldn't boil an egg!

My husband does have a degree but that’s got nothing to do with why I married him. It’s just part of his history from before me.

There was someone else before him who I would have married had things worked out between us. He didn’t have a degree but was very successful in his trade. His level of education never came into it.

[quote turnthebiglightoff]@greenlandthemovie so because I didn't finish uni, I can't elucidate an argument as well as you? Reading your other points, you absolutely come across as a snob. Not even a bonkers one. And ffs no one is going to out you if you say you hunt for fun. Don't call it a "hobby". [/quote]
To be fair, your discussion skills aren't great either. You can't really make your point then justify it without resorting to insults. You can't handle criticism without resorting to insults. Basically, when your viewpoint is challenged, you react by calling people names. Its not very advanced, so erm...yes.

I'm not sure what you are talking about with hunting - my hobby is running. I wouldn't date any man who was a slower runner than me either, or who was overweight or really ugly, so I must be a real snob

Seriously though, two points:

(1) I absolutely can choose to date who I want. Choosing a partner on the basis of educational attainment is just as valid as making choices based on height, appearance, mutual interests, political outlook, etc - unless some posters on this thread really do think you must always say yes to any man that asks you.

(2) I really don't support the notion that there are all these brilliant unqualified men who earn masses at the expense of degree-educated women - its sexist and until recent years, men did have a much easier ride to the top in the workplace.

Yes, I married him, he earns more than me and has no debt unlike me and my pointless degree!

He has a really curious and interesting mind. That's why I love him really; he is interested to learn about things just because he doesn't know about them 'yet'.

It would be totally fine if you said I only want men from my ethnicity or cultural background or even specified that he must be tall. But God forbid you wanted someone educated to your level, oh no no no you horrid snob, eh Greenland? 😂

It depends on the person. My DP didn’t go to uni but joined the armed forces and learnt a trade, no degree will really get you any further in his field. However if it’s someone who didn’t go into further education but also never found a career or vocation then yes I couldn’t be with someone with no prospects.

Seen countless messages in here from women whose DH have cheated , treated them appallingly , and they sometimes refer to how highly educated their DH are , and their beautiful homes and comfortable lifestyles etc , like educated people can’t be arsehole .My point is that being highly educated makes you no better a person than someone who isn’t . I realise a fair amount of highly educated and very intelligent people would likely disagree with that opinion .It is the whole package that makes a person not the certificates hanging on their wall