AIBU Cleaner?

[Hushmush]

I work full time, so do my OH. We have two kids and a dog. Life’s full on. We earn a decent wage between us. We moved house a year ago ans it’s quite big so hard to keep on top of. I’ve asked my OH if we can have a cleaner and he’s not up for it because of ‘money.’ He’s always buying clothes, he has a season ticket when life’s normal etc. At the weekend, I clean and wash and iron and clean and I could go on and on...! He likes to have a Sunday roast every week which is fine but I feel like with all the housework I’m doing (he will vacuum once a week and walk the dog every night) I’m exhausted. I need a break but he won’t. The other day we talked as a family about what we liked about each other and he said ‘I like that you clean the house well and keep it together, I like that you make a good Sunday roast, I like that you work hard’ he did say one thing that was nice- that I light up a room. But I feel like his mom. Like i clean and sort and organise and that’s what I’m good for. I listen to the kids read and do their spellings with them and if I ever dare to ask him to do that he huffs and puffs and says he’s busy because he needs to walk the dog most of the time.

*so does (sorry fat thumbs and emotionally fast typing!)

Why did you ask him? You work, you earn money.

We don’t have a shared bank account

Don’t do a roast or cleaning until he buckles.

And my feeling is that I shouldn’t sourly pay a cleaner to clean our house when it’s his house too

Souley*

Er seems like he’s mistaken wife and partner for housekeeper and manager.

Yanbu for wanting a cleaner, perhaps delegate more chores to him - it’s what a good manager would do, so they are free for more ‘important’ things. (Substitute important for going for a drive, with chocolate and flask of coffee and a book for two hours.)

Well stop doing his laundry /ironing for a start. ..
Bet he wants to get someone in then.

Solely?!

Oh god I can’t spell!! I can normally but my thumbs are working too fast because I’m a bit emotional! Sorry 😞 😂

I would just use my own wage

So why keep doing a Sunday roast etc every week just because HE wants it?

Eh? Just tell him to do his share of the cleaning and if he won't then he needs to employ a cleaner jeez!! He's an arse

He's a lazy bum who takes you for granted. Tell him that unless he's prepared to do half the chores every week without having to be nagged (act like an adult in other words), you will get a cleaner in and if he doesn't want to pay half towards it then you'll use the money you usually spend on his food/beer/crisps instead. Then stop doing half the jobs - no roast dinner ('there's cheese in the fridge, I'm too busy cleaning to cook'), none of his washing and ironing - he should get the message.

I don’t know, I don’t mind, it’s nice to have a Sunday roast, it’s just that it’s all so much to squeeze into a weekend. I just feel like I all
I do is housework and so it’s something else to squeeze in- it’s a nice thing to have but my pout is that I just feel like a cleaner and a cook and someone who brings in a wage and so I’m highly convenient. I don’t feel appreciated, just convenient.

@lifestooshort123 I think you’re right. I just needed to hear it. I feel like I’m living in the dark ages!

Tellhim to cook the Sunday roast & you put your feet up op

Why doesn't he do any of the cleaning and housework? How has it all fallen to you to do it?

@MattBerrysHair he’s been bought up in a very traditional home- completely the opposite to mine and so that’s where I think it comes from x

Sunday roast is lovely, depending on what tier you're in go to a carvery.

Do you honestly want to quibble on spending half of £10 an hour for a cleaner? If it makes your life easier just do it

and maybe tell him to fuck off, as he treats you like a housekeeper

How many hours does he spend working/walking the dog/doing household stuff compared to your hours on similar? If not equal then start cutting down your load until he notices. Then have the discussion again.

why do you keep your money separate? how does it work?

you should 100% get a cleaner with joint money

Bollocks.
Book a cleaner. Find another way to squeeze the money out of him if you pay for it.

I couldn’t be married to such a sexist pig.

Don’t make excuses for him, my dad was raised in a traditional household - he did half the cleaning in our house, all the clothes washing and the grocery shopping, the only thing he didn’t do was iron. Everything else he mucked in on.

Stop cleaning. It’s a partnership. Your aren’t his servant or his mother.

Think of the sample this sets your kids

If you both work full time then any domestic jobs should be shared.
Write down what you do and how often in a week/month.
Ask him to do the same. Then compare who does what and say you are going to try a swap for a while. If he isn’t willing ask why not. Or even consider a marriage Councellor. You will just end up resentful and exhausted if this continues.
Weekend should ask be for relaxing.
Do the kids help out - are they old enough too?
If he wants a traditional home then why is he ok with you working. That’s the opposite of traditional.
Hope you manage to sort it out. There might be a big argument first but if he really care about you and appreciates you - as he says he does then he should be willing to do more domestic tasks or failing that share the cost of a cleaner.
A joint account would be a start - as then it’s clear who is spending what and why. What % is going in essentials and what is going on nice extras