AIBU Cleaner?

[Hushmush]

I work full time, so do my OH. We have two kids and a dog. Life’s full on. We earn a decent wage between us. We moved house a year ago ans it’s quite big so hard to keep on top of. I’ve asked my OH if we can have a cleaner and he’s not up for it because of ‘money.’ He’s always buying clothes, he has a season ticket when life’s normal etc. At the weekend, I clean and wash and iron and clean and I could go on and on...! He likes to have a Sunday roast every week which is fine but I feel like with all the housework I’m doing (he will vacuum once a week and walk the dog every night) I’m exhausted. I need a break but he won’t. The other day we talked as a family about what we liked about each other and he said ‘I like that you clean the house well and keep it together, I like that you make a good Sunday roast, I like that you work hard’ he did say one thing that was nice- that I light up a room. But I feel like his mom. Like i clean and sort and organise and that’s what I’m good for. I listen to the kids read and do their spellings with them and if I ever dare to ask him to do that he huffs and puffs and says he’s busy because he needs to walk the dog most of the time.

I just read that he vacuums once a week and walks the diog every night and you feel guilty about this even though you do everything else? I think you need to change your mindset pretty spectacularly. You seem to think you are here to serve . Let me give you a wake up call. You aren't! Your husband is capable of doing a lot more than he does at the moment.

I'm a lazy so and wo, and it's served me well, my husband does his share and doesn't think I'm here to serve him. He and our kids are self sufficient, my being lazy has served us well. I would recommend it over the alternative.

He’s not pulling his weight.

He needs to do more chores, or pay someone else to do them on his behalf.

You shouldn’t be picking up all the slack.

There is a simple solution to all this.

You pay for a cleaner from your money . Couple of hours a week is £20.

He likes a roast. Ok . You agree to cook it if he buys the stuff and gives you half the cleaning money.

You have to pay hard ball. OP he is not the boss of you... and needs to learn this the hard way.

Still cooking the roast is not playing hard ball. Even if she gets him to buy the stuff.
Should you really have to play hard ball with your husband? You're a team

His views are outdated and he's prob shitting himself that you've finally worked that out.
Stop doing it all. Start the dog walks and start looking after yourself.

I wonder what would happen if you had a work trip away for a week or more? Would he do all the things you do?? Or would he decide to outsource where he could - cleaner, dog Walker etc.

If you've got £900 spare each month just pay for cleaner yourself. Get the drudgery sorted and then you'll have more time to focus on the relationship and if it's working for you.

Fuck that! Think of an hourly rate and tell him you'll be invoicing him for your housekeeping services going forward (and make sure you do and dont do anything more until paid). And make sure it is an hourly rate for YOUR time not the hourly rate you would pay a cleaner. I suspect it will more economical for him to pay a cleaner etc.
Next step is working out if you can sort out his attitude towards you.

Just get the cleaner.

But tbh I’d struggle to stay with someone like that. With my exh I felt as though he saw me as a resource to get as much from as he possibly could - his absolute “value for money” whether that was through me accepting all work that came my way, doing all the childcare or all the housework. He certainly saw paying for anything to make my life easier as a waste of money.